So-Bad-It's-Goodfic by
Chliever
on 2010-07-26 05:59:00 UTC
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Say, here's a question for you. What do you get when you cross Harry Potter, Metalocalypse, and the imagination of a sugar-high 13-year-old boy?
If that question stumped you, you have obviously never experienced the glory that is my new favorite badfic, HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2554200/1/HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
That's really what it's called. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. From what I can tell, of the "plot," it's about Harry Potter, a lone warrior armed with only a Groinsaw and his guitar ...slayer, scouring the universe to steal food for himself and Dumbledore.
Select passages:
"Dobby relished his groinsaw's roar as he withdrew the flesh-choked blade from the astronaut's ruined skull."
"Harry swung the guitar through Dobby's chicken neck. He took the head of his fallen dwarfslave and tore open his stomach, stuffing the head inside. Harry vomited steam and summoned a great meteor from space to smash into Hogwarts and kill everyone there, for no reason at all."
"Harry, you must rock the ... out."
"Harry channeled his rage through ...slayer. The angel blood boiled as he summoned the great meteor, swathed with the blood of the tiny ...lings at Hogwarts, leapt onto it, and flew into space. He encased the entire meteor in a wreath of holy ...fire and flew through Mercury, killing the ... out of it. Then he sent Mercury's carcass into Venus, killing the ... out of it and making every vagina in the galaxy explode, and inside every vagina a booby sang of mortal life's fleeting precipice."
"Harry slammed his book shut. It wasn't really a book, because the pages were made of lasers and the words were made of headless women making godless love to dragons made out of motorcycles, but it was still reading"
"I am Rape Radbury. I write critically acclaimed fiction that always turns into fact. That's why I have more money than anyone."
"Harry squinted so he could see the subatomic strings of the ropes. He began tossing antimatter at them with his mind as a group of children entered the rape ape's hiding place. They were well-groomed and impeccably attired, and there were 5.8 of them, just enough to represent an array of genders and races that would leave no one unhappy, save for the Eskimos."
"He thought about sandwiches."