Oh no.

Subject: Oh no.
Author: Sergio Turbo
Posted on: 2010-07-13 08:10:00 UTC

Next time, I have to check for mind insanity before giving guns to newbyes.

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Introduction Way Too Long by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 15:23:00 UTC Reply

*cattleprods self onto center stage*

Ahem... hi. I'm Aster Corbett and I have been watching this board and PPC activities for a short while. I highly doubt anyone here knows me, but I guess that's ok. LONG WINDED INTRODUCTION, GO.

I've been writing fanfiction for a pretty long time. Since I was maybe 12 or so and YES I went through the Mary Sue phase. And a hell of a lot of self-inserts, which I sometimes still do for the lulz but rarely publish. I get a sick raise out of torturing myself by writing a not-at-all-fun romp through fandom and making the point that any self-insert would be screwed any way fandom was sliced. But I try and put the past behind me when I write, nowadays.

I came out the other side of the Sue Phase after longer than I would have liked. I had a somewhat rough time of it because I was unfortunately raised by sneaky parents determined to raise a Cool Offspring and didn't tell their kid that being able to ride a horse and hit things with a lance was not in the normal 15 year old girl skillset. Which looks pretty silly to the older, wiser (?) me of the present.

So Mary Sues, when I learned to tell them from non-Sues, bother me greatly and I've had to deal with them for at least a few years. I even made some independant hits and went on crusade against a few myself, writing satire and pulling other such shenanigans. I guess this makes me a goofy vigilante-type character who goes about buisness all wrong like a dingus.

I met Keily Shinra a little while ago, maybe a year or so, and I didn't know she was into the PPC. Then one day she mentioned it in a post she made elsewhere. I became curious, found the wiki, and with my sponge-like capability for Wiki Walk info sucking absorbed the general concept.

THERE WAS A WHOLE ORGANIZATION ABOUT ANTI-BADFIC. HOLY HAM ON RYE.

And so here I am, making an uncomfortably long and telling intro post that most are likely to TL;DR. I like video games, books, selected movies, so I suppose my fandom range is pretty broad. I won't list the fullness of my fandoms-- that would make this post EVEN LONGER. Which is way too long.

Sometime I probably will write a long, epic spin-off or something, likely in collaboration with Agent Shinra. Because that is just how I roll.

Have I mentioned I like Ganondorf? Mm, yes. Let me extend this awfully long post by mentioning that I like writing fanfiction about gerudo sorcerer-warlords and implimenting a bucking of the woeful lack of characterization Nintendo gives to its baddies.

Mm, Gerudo beefcake. >___>

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Hi! by Aeidhryn on 2010-07-16 01:34:00 UTC Reply

Well, mah, you sound lucky to me when it comes to parents. I loved horseback riding, but I really had to push it, 'cause my dad thinks it's dangerous. Pah. Well, it's too expensive now, but still...
Hey, I'm just saying, sounds good ta me!
Heyo! by Sara on 2010-07-13 07:37:00 UTC Reply

I'm Sara--frequent lurker and sometimes poster. Welcome to the PPC!

My gift to you is an egg whisk. It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs but spambots and those nasty author wraiths, too. Use it for good and not ~~much~~ evil.

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy the ride.

OH MY GOSH by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-13 13:33:00 UTC Reply

OH MY GOSH! An egg whisk! Now I can make discombulated Woe Eggs, too!

This will go with the Frying Pan of Doom (tm) quite nicely!

Welcome! Have a pineapple! (& Links) by Sedri on 2010-07-13 00:55:00 UTC Reply

:D

Good to meet you! You sound like you'll fit right in.

But... no one has given you The Links yet? With all these posts, no links? Shocking. Must remedy this...

THE LINKS, in case you don't know, are the lot of 'Go Read This Now Please' urls that we throw at every newbie since they actually do give Useful Information. In relative order of sensible-reading-ness, they are:

* The Original PPC Series, which we assume you've already read.
* The List of Killed Badfic, which will direct you to a large number of non-Original PPC Missions.

The Board:
* The Board Constitution
* The FAQ: For the Board

The Wiki:
Which you've already seen, but these articles in particular are important:
* The very-important-to-read-before-requesting-Permission Permission article
* Our Guide To The PPC
* The Mission Writing Guide
* The Slash-Sporking Guide
* The FAQ: For Newbies.
When you are ready to edit the wiki, make sure to read Neshomeh's excellent editing tutorial.

And finally, but very usefully,
* The List of Everything PPC

Anyway, welcome, welcome, welcome. Enjoy the pineapple. :)

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Is it a bad sign... by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-13 13:31:00 UTC Reply

Is it a bad sign if all of these links appear already-clicked to me?

I TOLD you my Wiki Walk stamina was pretty good. o3o

Not at all! That's a VERY GOOD thing! by Sedri on 2010-07-14 04:04:00 UTC Reply

And I'm impressed :D

Welcome abord the SS PPC! =D (nm) by SPARTAN-118 on 2010-07-13 00:25:00 UTC Reply

*bucks tradition* by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-13 13:30:00 UTC Reply

*gives a rum cake*

Welcome Aboard! by Pretzel on 2010-07-12 22:10:00 UTC Reply

Here's your Frying Pan of DOOM ^TM, and a freshly made batch of cookies in your choice of flavors, courtesy of the inhabitants of RC 6237, who are off on a mission at the moment.

o happy day! by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-13 13:30:00 UTC Reply

A frying pan of Doom(tm)! Cool, I can make Dark-and-Stormy-side-up Woe Eggs with it!

And flavors?! I have cookies with more than one flavor?! BEST DAY EVER, FRIENDS.

Have a Chocobo! by WikiMaster on 2010-07-12 21:23:00 UTC Reply

Don't feed it meat.

I don't know how that would be possible. by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 21:54:00 UTC Reply

Seeing as in-universe there really aren't any other stockbeasts around. Or within my knowlege anyway.

It would be like feeding a cow beef.

Ewwwww.

Yeah, I know. by WikiMaster on 2010-07-13 02:36:00 UTC Reply

Sorry for giving you that idea!

Never ever by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-13 13:35:00 UTC Reply

Never say you're sorry.

Even when you give people mental images of large, screaming cannibalistic riding chickens.

Hi! by Elemarth on 2010-07-12 20:29:00 UTC Reply

Have an umbrella. Choice of three:
Mary Poppins Umbrella,
Super-Sue-Knocking-Out Umbrella,
or The Umbrella that Actually Keeps You Dry.

how difficult. by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 21:51:00 UTC Reply

Seeing as I have no need or wish to fly on an umbrella,
and I prefer stabbing things with sharp knitting kneedles to knocking them out,

I will pick a nice flower-print umbrella that keeps me dry.

Welcome! Have a music box! by Firebird766 on 2010-07-12 18:43:00 UTC Reply

Just don't play it inside, or within twenty feet of any structure. Um... And try not to actually be there when you play it.

I am skeptical as to if this is a music box at all. (nm) by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 18:44:00 UTC Reply

First plover! (nm) by Tawaki on 2010-07-12 18:43:00 UTC Reply

Eeek! I quiver before the small costal avian species! (nm) by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 18:44:00 UTC Reply

Ohai! by Eclectus on 2010-07-12 18:38:00 UTC Reply

Have a baby hawk! Don't worry, it has parental permission. Feed it Sues and CAFs.

Nice t' meetcha!

Birdie! by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 18:43:00 UTC Reply

I will raise it with the utmost care into a new Helmaroc King!

... give or take a century or two.

Stupid lousy no good slow growing bird.

Aww, you hurt his feelings... by Eclectus on 2010-07-12 22:34:00 UTC Reply

-snuggles birdie- It's okay, you can grow however fast you want to.

Stone cold. by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-13 13:34:00 UTC Reply

No love for midget giant birds, you know.

*dumps miracle-gro on bird*

Midget giant birds? I smell an oxymoron. (nm) by Eclectus on 2010-07-14 00:17:00 UTC Reply

Welcome! by Sergio Turbo on 2010-07-12 18:09:00 UTC Reply

Glad to see new people. And there's a gun in case one of your odl Sues just doesn't disappear.

*puts on bear skin* by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 18:16:00 UTC Reply

*puts on bear skin*

*takes gun*

BERSERKER RAGE.

Oh no. by Sergio Turbo on 2010-07-13 08:10:00 UTC Reply

Next time, I have to check for mind insanity before giving guns to newbyes.

Insanity shmanity by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-13 13:38:00 UTC Reply

Only insane when it comes to my own fic.

I'm rather un-make-sick-able. But not unsquickable. I can hate something and think it is disgusting but it's sort of hard to make me care enough to feel sick about it. Most disgusting things just make me laugh at their dumbness.

Haven't yet needed asprin.

Not even on C*lbr**n.

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Welcome, new friend! by doctorlit on 2010-07-12 17:02:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to our ~~esteemed~~ community! Have a fairy in a jar and a solid glass spork.

*Is inordinately impressed by Aster's ability to ride a horse and hit things with a lance*

*Is kidnapped by Ganondorf*

Re: Welcome, new friend! by Anonymous on 2010-07-12 17:47:00 UTC Reply

A glass spork. What a lovely winterween ornament.

I do have the ability to ride a horse decently well. The lance thing comes from reading Lord of The Rings as a little kid, crying tears of little kid hopes and dreams at the riders of Rohan, and then going to ride horses and begging to learn how to tilt at hoops.

My parents did not object.

Have fun with Ganondorf. As long as he does not keep you in a pink crystal, he probably will put you back when he sees you are not useful.

Or kill you, possibly.

*shrug*

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Re: Welcome, new friend! by doctorlit on 2010-07-12 18:26:00 UTC Reply

No worries. I always beat Ganondorf in Smash Bros. He can't be THAT much more difficult as a boss battle, right?

"Muh huh huh huh huh huh!"

*Gulp* Right?

*laughs bitterly* by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 18:42:00 UTC Reply

I hope you realize that the only reason why he's considered 'low tier' in Smash Bros is that Nintendo purposefully took away his sword(s) and most of his magic in order for him to even possibly be able to play nice with the rest of the Smash crew.

They had to make him effectively lamer just so you could fight him and not be brutally owned.

... Or, I could just be a giant fangirl for him and not want him to lose. >_>

respect to the G-dorf by doctorlit on 2010-07-12 21:26:00 UTC Reply

Don't worry, I fully recognize Ganon's claim to being one of the video game world's biggest baddies. He's actually one of my better characters in Brawl, for that matter...

props. by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 21:52:00 UTC Reply

I love the dude. Poor guy has a whole difficult background that is purposefully ignored in pretty much every fanfic. Poor dude.

ha... ha... by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 17:48:00 UTC Reply

And already I am failing at putting my name in the title bar.

I AM A PRO.

Hello, Ganondorf lover! by Silikat on 2010-07-12 16:34:00 UTC Reply

Mm, yes, I can see your point about him. Give us cool Ganondorf!
And now I'm wondering which video games are your fandoms. Anyway, Newbie Gift! Have a pet cat. You may name him whatever you wish.

instant feline characterization GO by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 16:47:00 UTC Reply

This cat is now named Argus. He is an enormous, fluffy brown Maine Coon cat. He delights in staring at passersby though windows and sitting on shelves above doorways and scrutinizing all traffic in a somewhat hostile and intimidating way.

My main video game fandoms are,
The Legend of Zelda (ALL.)
Fire Emblem (7, 9, 10, basic fandom knowlege of most others)
Assassin's Creed series
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Pokemon (it was my childhood, come on)

But among the games I have played and am able to discuss and scrutinize,

Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Disgaea (1 only)
Soul Calibur series
Star Fox series
Metal Gear series
Mario series
Final Fantasy (7, 9, working on the earlier ones)
Dragon Quest 8
Grandia
Dark Cloud II
Super Smash Bros (The crossover heavy fandom angers me though)

etc.

As a principle I dislike racing or shooting games. Probably because I am not very good at them. I also like to cover all sorts of other things, like books, movies, and selected TV shows. I don't do much anime, although my first ever fandom was the original Yu-Gi-Oh. (*EMBARASSING*)

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Argus is a good name for a cat. by Silikat on 2010-07-12 20:14:00 UTC Reply

And yay! A fellow fan of Zelda/Pokemon/Mario!

OH BOY by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 21:52:00 UTC Reply

Nintendo RULEZ. *fistbump*

AGREED by Silikat on 2010-07-13 07:34:00 UTC Reply

*happy dance*

*DISCO FEVER* by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-13 13:39:00 UTC Reply

*turns happy dance into DISCO PARTY*

*DANCES THE 8 HOUR WORK DAY AWAY*

*joins the DISCO PARTY* by Silikat on 2010-07-13 14:55:00 UTC Reply

*DANCES HER COURSEWORK AWAY*

Welcome by Miah on 2010-07-12 16:31:00 UTC Reply

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Let's Get Dangerous by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 16:36:00 UTC Reply

I could NEVER think of a possibly dirty use for a Dr. Who scarf and some jelly candy.

NEVER.

NEVER.

Welcome! by Calista on 2010-07-12 16:17:00 UTC Reply

Here, have a Portable Hole! Remember, never nest extradimensional spaces--explosions tend to result.

Welcome! And yes, we all went through our Sue phases. Some of us have even sporked our own stories. :)

I guess I am fortunate then. by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 16:25:00 UTC Reply

Cool! A portable hole! More space with which to augment my personal storage... which is a trade secret by the way. Though I'll leave the trade in question up to the imagination.

But I am fortunate, I guess. Most of my ancient badfic has been since Lost to All Time, destroyed by multiple hard drive crashes and computer deaths over the years. What little of it existed on the internet has since long been the victim of a sawed-off-shotgun rampage of mine.

It is safe to say my ancient things are no longer extant, save perhaps in some wizened data cache somewhere, likely held by Google.

ancient data cache by Miah on 2010-07-12 16:30:00 UTC Reply

A friend of mine actually found badfic last week that she wrote in 1998 and put on geocities, somehow it managed to survive that crash and even keep her name attached. It was pretty funny.

... by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 16:33:00 UTC Reply

...

I feel another shotgun rampage coming on.

Hail and well met! by Cassie Cameron-Young on 2010-07-12 16:06:00 UTC Reply

*glomp* It's wonderful to meetcha! :D Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object! And I was the same way too when I found the PPC. I think most of us have passed the Sueage phase. Welcome to our hallowed halls. I do hope you'll stay. ^_^

COOL! STUFF! by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 16:13:00 UTC Reply

Flingable detritus and a trinket! This is my lucky day!

And as for staying, I intend to. I mean, how can I leave after I wrote a whole big long intro like that?

Undignified, that is what it would be.

Greetings! by MAXinsanity on 2010-07-12 16:04:00 UTC Reply

Have a stick of dynamite that's about to explode-

JUST KIDDING! Here, have this box instead! I don't really know what's in it, but whatever!

*peeks inside* by Anonymous on 2010-07-12 16:12:00 UTC Reply

*peeks inside*

...

*looks wan and shuts it quickly*

... er, thank you? *shiver*

Hello there! by OpinionedAngel on 2010-07-12 15:47:00 UTC Reply

Hello, and let me be the first to welcome you to the PPC Posting Board! Here, have a chocolate bar, and enjoy your stay here!

*devours chocolate bar* (nm) (nm) by Aster Corbett on 2010-07-12 15:49:00 UTC Reply