Subject: Nice!
Author:
Posted on: 2010-06-02 19:29:00 UTC

I know nothing about Fruits Basket, but as seems to happen so often with badfic, I didn't need to in order to see how messed up the story was. {= P

I would have liked more details about how the so-called ice dancing was messed up in the fic, though. I am personally interested, but there's also the "show, don't tell" principle. For instance, it really worked toward the end when you included that ridiculous jump. Ouch!

There are a few minor errors I spotted, but I could only find two of them again, toward the end:

1. "With both of them actively paying attention, it world could not help but react"; I assume you meant "the world could not help but react."

2. "With them exorcises, the rest should snap back." Should be "With them exorcised."

Otherwise, I found your agents really interesting. I hope they can resolve their differences. Right now there's enough bad attitude between the two of them to asphyxiate a canary.

~Neshomeh

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