Well done

Mission plug by anamia on 2010-06-01 17:32:00 UTC Reply

So Agents Sarah and Elaina have finally completed a mission! -cheers- If you want to be picky about it, I suppose that they've completed two missions now and I just haven't written the first, but oh well. The point is that one is finally published.

Mission specs:
Fanfic title: Ice
Fanfic author: Potential Schizophrenic
Fandom: Fruits Basket
Department: Bad Slash
Agents sent: Sarah Vym and Elaina Thyme
Warnings: none, save general warnings for slash and mild language. Probably safe for most places.
Link: http://anamiascorner.webs.com/ice.htm

--anamia

Nice! by Neshomeh on 2010-06-02 19:29:00 UTC Reply

I know nothing about Fruits Basket, but as seems to happen so often with badfic, I didn't need to in order to see how messed up the story was. {= P

I would have liked more details about how the so-called ice dancing was messed up in the fic, though. I am personally interested, but there's also the "show, don't tell" principle. For instance, it really worked toward the end when you included that ridiculous jump. Ouch!

There are a few minor errors I spotted, but I could only find two of them again, toward the end:

1. "With both of them actively paying attention, it world could not help but react"; I assume you meant "the world could not help but react."

2. "With them exorcises, the rest should snap back." Should be "With them exorcised."

Otherwise, I found your agents really interesting. I hope they can resolve their differences. Right now there's enough bad attitude between the two of them to asphyxiate a canary.

~Neshomeh

Re: Nice! by anamia on 2010-06-02 20:58:00 UTC Reply

The worst error was that they skated without partners. I believe Sarah mentioned that in passing right at the beginning. I considered reproducing her rant in full, but changed my mind, on the basis that it would probably be overly boring and the mission was long enough already. That jump is ridiculous and impossible, and I really feel sorry for Yuki for having to include it in his program.

Thanks for pointing out the errors!

Eventually, I hope they'll learn to get along. That's the plan, at least. Of course, what with them being Agents and stubborn, they may do thing I don't expect...

Thanks for reading and I'm very glad you liked it!

--anamia

Nicely done! by Candescence on 2010-06-02 14:44:00 UTC Reply

Haha, tore the fic apart like paper. Nice way of dealing with the affected canons, too. Excellent work!

Re: Nicely done! by anamia on 2010-06-02 15:54:00 UTC Reply

Hehe, it deserved being torn apart. Thanks for reading and glad you liked it!

--anamia

Re: Mission plug by Dreaming of Colors on 2010-06-02 08:36:00 UTC Reply

Well done! I liked how you dealt with the Sue.

Glad you liked it! by anamia on 2010-06-02 15:54:00 UTC Reply

One point I though I should mention is that my agents are not assassins. They don't deal with 'Sues. (I suppose you could make the point that Yuki might be a replacement, but I considered him merely possessed by the Author Wraith and treated him accordingly.)

Thanks for reading!
--anamia

Well done by Barid on 2010-06-02 05:55:00 UTC Reply

I enjoyed it very much.

-Barid

Glad you liked it! (nm) by anamia on 2010-06-02 06:42:00 UTC Reply