Oooh, genetics! Fun! by
Neshomeh
on 2010-05-07 18:47:00 UTC
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Mapping the Suvian genome... that's ambitious!
Now I'm wondering about heritability. Most Sues don't reproduce, so it would be hard to track, but it would be interesting to see which Sue traits are dominant, which are recessive, which show co-dominance, which are autosomal vs. sex-based, etc. And there would have to be mitigating factors that humans don't have, of course, since we all know how cooperative Sues are with the rules of biology. Possibly related to glitter saturation? Is there glitter in the actual chromosomes? O.o
If the next lab report you do involves Punnett squares, I will be thrilled to death. ^_^
~Neshomeh, who should have studied this stuff more; then she could do it herself.
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Congratulations! by
Sedri
on 2010-05-07 05:11:00 UTC
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It's always great to finish something, and though I didn't have time to read it slowly, I enjoyed it.
Your agents remind me of bickering five-year-olds, but they're charming, in their own way. The contrast between the bickering and the precision of the lab reports is also amusing, in a PPCish style.
(Also, your sulking consoles made me think - what if the sentient consoles talk to each other? What would a story be like from their point of view? Actually, one could make the same case for all equipment, like the CADs and the semi-sentient scanners - that was very funny, by the way. Hmmm...)
I only have a few criticisms. Ons is that you have numbers written as numerals instead of words, like here - “Right. So we need 9 categories.” Also, in the paragraph beginning, "When she had finished her initial observations", you start far too many sentences with the word "she"; try to vary it a little.
Last - Mr Mistoffelees! Ah, what a good song to sing. I like that song. Just had to mention it ;)
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Looks great! by
Goldenrod111
on 2010-05-07 05:00:00 UTC
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I haven't read a DoMSEaR (not necessarily the correct formatting—I just like how that method looks) story before. Yours is wonderful. Can I claim the male agent that Cocoa almost ran into? It might be a while until I write the scene in, but I enjoy interlinked stories.
I noticed a few things that you might want to change. As your agents are walking to the table, the word habit
seems overused. In the same paragraph, I think the phrase ...falling into step out with her sister of habit...
should be ...falling into step with her sister out of habit...
. After Cocoa writes the first part of the report, 9
should be spelled out. In the third paragraph of Analysis and Conclusion of Results
, you say that Suethors have little to know actual grasp of biology.
That know
should probably be a no
. Finally, watch your spaces. They seemed to double (
instead of
) a couple times.
If the strange table formatting is the content extending to the borders, change the cellpadding
CSS variable (eg. <table cellpadding="2px">). You might want to work with the width
variable as well, both in the main table tag and in at least one td tag per column. Also in the coding, yet otherwise unrelated to the table, your footnote links should be switched—they currently point to themselves.
Sorry about that. I occasionally get into a listing mood. I actually enjoyed your work a lot!
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Oh, and one more thing by
anamia
on 2010-05-06 19:56:00 UTC
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I also have a quick beta request for anyone interested. Earlier, being in a strange mood, I went over to DeviantArt to find a picture to help me become inspired. I found one, and proceeded to write this piece (found here, since I'm failing at coding today: http://anamiascorner.webs.com/loyalty.htm), and I would be delighted to get someone's opinion. Mostly, what I would like to know is whether it's worth going over some more and polishing, or, in other words, whether it makes any kind of sense to anyone else. Pointing out any grammatical and/or spelling errors would also be lovely.
Thank you in advance,
--anamia
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