Subject: Re: one of you guys sporked one of my stories...
Author:
Posted on: 2010-05-05 20:43:00 UTC

Well, compared to a few trainwrecks I've seen, you're actually pretty good. From what I can tell in your post, you seem to have spelling pretty much down, and that's good. You also said you want to write "well," not "good," and you used the correct "to" instead of "too" or "two." Yup, from a grammatical standpoint, you're not half bad. You're not *completely* there yet, but you're not half bad.

I do have a few tips for you, though. Number one: words like "don't," "couldn't," and whatnot need an apostrophe. That serves to indicate that two words have been merged together. So, it's "don't," not "dont." (By the way, once you have that down, it can help you with other problems like the difference between "there" and "they're." If the meaning you're looking for is "they are," i.e. has two words, then the word you're looking for is the one with the apostrophe. That's how I mastered that particular problem.)

Second. I'd recommend you review your period, and comma rules. To illustrate my point, I'll use one particular sentence from your post.

"I read a lot of the mission things and they were funny but it kind of hurt to realize that you guys thought my story was that bad but I got over it and now I'm hoping you guys can help me write better because I dont want that to happen again."

This is a run-on sentence; that means it goes on for too long without the proper punctuation. To fix it, you'll need to cut it up into smaller sentences and add the right punctuation. Let's start at the beginning.

"I read a lot of the mission things and they were funny..."

For starters, I'd put a period right after "things." You've said what you needed, so don't go overboard. That sentence stands on its own. Eliminate the "and," and you get:

"I read a lot of the mission things. They were funny..."

Doesn't that look better? Now for the next sentence:

"They were funny but it kind of hurt to realize you thought my story was that bad but I got over it..."

This requires a bit more work. Put a comma between "funny" and "but," because "They were funny" and "but it kind of hurt..." are completely different ideas in the sentence, and you need to separate them. Put a period after "bad," because the sentence is pretty much complete after two ideas are introduced. So:

"They were funny, but it kind of hurt to realize that you guys thought my story was that bad. But I got over it..."

Next: "But I got over it and now I'm hoping you guys can help me write better because I don't want that to happen again."

Put a comma between "it" and "and," to separate those two ideas. Then, put a comma between "better" and "because." Once that is out of the way, say "I don't want to get sporked again" instead of "I don't want that to happen again." That eliminates the need for the next sentence, which makes things a lot simpler. A general rule of thumb: the simpler things are, the better.

"But I got over it, and now I'm hoping you guys can help me write better, because I don't want to get sporked again."

And the final complete product: "I read a lot of the mission things. They werefunny, but it kind of hurt to realize that you guys thought my story was that bad. But I got over it, and now I'm hoping you guys can help me write better, because I don't want to get sporked again."

There! That's much better. Incidentally, this is how *I* would revise this sentence. Others on the board may tell you differently, because there are many different ways you could fix this and still be correct.

So, there you have it, you need to work mostly on your punctuation and sentence structure.

Now, I didn't give you any advice on subtler problems, like characterization and plot plausibility. To do that, I'd need to read your actual story...but I wouldn't recommend you talk to me about that. I'm not familiar with Beka Cooper, so I wouldn't be much help there. However, I'm sure that someone here is, and you can link them to your story and have them give you some advice.

All in all, I'm glad you've continued writing after having some hurt feelings. You're doing a good job so far. Keep it up, and take help whenever it's offered, and you'll be writing like a pro.

Good luck.

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