Subject: Thanks for the advice.
Author:
Posted on: 2013-04-26 19:15:00 UTC
In hindsight I should probably have extended the mission to at least until the bit where Bilbo makes it to Erebor, which would've been a second breach of Canon, but... Yeah. What's done is done, and Eledhwen and Christianne will get reprimanded for not staying long enough (they have a habit of not wanting to witness more charges than is strictly necessary).
An Unexpected Companion
Target: Kestrel
Agents: Christianne Shieh and Eledhwen Elerossiel
Fandom: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Suething
Things added to continuity: This is set before the Interlude, so it alludes (or rather, foreshadows) a lot of things that will happen in the Interlude. Fics set after the Battle of Five Armies yet have Thorin, Fili and Kili still alive are essentially reanimating them from the dead (unless a reason for their being alive is given - and in this case there isn't).
Things up for grabs: the "mythril" deus ex machina pendant (it whispers mythologies at you), Bilbo's bugle.
Mini-Balrogs: Erabor, Golem, Oakensheild, Arzog the defilers, Gladriel, FIli, middle earth, middle-earth.
Time Will Tell
Target: Araen and Alasse Tinuviel
Agents: Christianne Shieh and Eledhwen Elerossiel
Fandom: Thou shalt count to Nine...
Things added to continuity: Fixing up Eledhwen's backstory, explaining why her name is so nonsensical (Morwen's lore name, a father name that implies she's descended from Elros - these get explained somewhat, I hope), and setting the stage a bit more for Interlude shenanigans (once again, this is also set before that). Rosalie makes an appearance as well.
Things up for grabs: Well, the Berien should probably be up, but since that occured before my Agents arrived I don't think they collected it (and it might just assimilate back into the Canon; it's a giant hobbit-sized bunch of berries anyway). Also, the Sue's Simbelmyne juice and its purty phial are up for grabs. Not sure what its effects will be now that it's been exposed to canon.
Mini-Balrogs: Itidin, Alrohir.
...the Christianne-Eledhwen dynamic you've got going on: they compliment each other perfectly. I also like how you've managed to weave in some details on each of your agents's past history throughout the text without it going all exposition-y on us.
The Quotev format jokes are quite ingenious, if I do say so myself. I'll have to come up with something creative when I'll toss an Intel agent in there...
...and speaking of Intel, I like that Harris reference.
I'm going to start this off by saying I normally don't like Tolkienverse missions. They're all the same - crazy fans getting upset over things that I frankly don't care about. Sure, I like LOTR, but not enough to really get mad about canon breaks and empathize with the agents. I was disappointed in your last mission, because it was...well, I think you've heard enough from more articulate people, and I'd rather explain why I loved this mission.
I like the little bits that indicate the Lemming nature of the fic - the floating pictures, the link that smacks them in the face. Especially Eledhwen's reaction to the name "polyvore".
Also, it was personal, relating to agents' character development, rather than just being fans getting upset. There is the same sort of dialogue, but it makes sense, because Eledhwen is a canon character, technically speaking. That's pretty awesome, and I think it was handled nicely, what with another extra recognizing her and the SEP field not working. I want to rewatch Return of the King now.
And finally, the parts you quoted from the badfic made me want the Sue to die. Most particularly how she calls Boromir a "scaredy-cat" after he gives his "one does not simply walk into Mordor" speech, one of my favorite lines. And the gender stereotypes bit - ugh. I don't know if it's just those bits, or it's the way you've handled them (I'm leaning towards a combination of both), but this is the first time I have read a Tolkienverse mission and truly wanted the Sue to die. Even TOS didn't get that reaction. You are awesome, Lily.
I suppose the slight disappointing quality of the previous mission turned out well in the end since it made this one more enjoyable by comparison. Hehe.
And thank you for that distinction! Quotev Sues are generally liable to give anyone a headache, so it wasn't hard to find kill-worthy quotes in there. :'D
This mission improves greatly on the last. Araen absolutely got what was coming to her. "You need women to do all the cooking and washing and stuff"? Really? REALLY? I think we need a mention and link to this in the "Gender Card" section of the FAQ For Other People. Also, what was the deal with her making everyone (except Boromir) into cringing wusses who needed her to speak for them? And the vacillation between modern-speak and normal-speak? I think I got a little whiplash just from the quotes—which is good, because it means they demonstrate the problem effectively.{= )
I also liked the discussions about the agents' backstories. I feel like they arose naturally from the events of the story, and Eledhwen in particular is in a unique and interesting position due to her origin. I think her relationship with Rosalie shows this, though I'm having trouble articulating exactly why. I guess because most Elves in HQ (probably) wouldn't have a negative reaction to species from other worlds, but Eledhwen has all those past experiences with Sues making her dance on their strings, and that gives her a different outlook. I wonder, does she feel the same way about unicorns, "dark" elves, and other invasive species, or is it nymphs in particular?
I felt like the reference to Omicron and Cluedo might've been a bit much coming right after the one in the last mission, but the repetition might be necessary for future readers to pick up on it as more than a throwaway gag, so probably not that big a deal.
It's interesting to see how you're handling the extra features from the Circle of Lemmings in the mission. The idea of ghostly images floating around the world is just the right touch of creepy and unsettling for me. Personally, I'd replicate the font effects in badfic quotes, but I don't know how much flexibility you have with that sort of thing on Tumblr. It particularly would've helped illustrate the point with the author's note in the "faux-cryptic voice due to the font of the message in question," though.
I really loved the joke about the agents being able to hear Acacia scream all the way from ancient Rome. It's a great callback to TOS. ^_^ It played less well the second time, though, when you seem to say that Acacia literally knows/senses what's going on in this particular mission at this particular time and can scream loud enough to resonate through multiple universes. That stretches my suspension of disbelief juuust a bit too far.
All in all, though, my quibbles are just that, and I really enjoyed this. On behalf of Alice and the nine horses from "Ring Child," I'd like to welcome Astaldo/Belroch/Marley to the Courtyard herd. I'm sure he'll feel at home in no time. {= )
~Neshomeh
Yeah, Tumblr doesn't allow much textual difference in the formatting, so I did have to convey the terribleness in words (the faux-cryptic font was Papyrus, btw).
I think the second mention could've been a joke phrased really, really badly, but then again, many Agents do have that whole "oh crap, favourite character being messed with" sort of sense. Eh.
Thank you for the concrit!
Oh yay! I quite enjoyed the first one, and if it weren't one in the morning here I'd read on to the second! I'll be reading it in the morning though :D
If I might claim the Simbelmyne juice? That is if it doesn't come in the purty phial which was already claimed by World-Jumper.
I shall store it next to my hydrophobic water for now. :)
Only now have I noticed how much I have missed new missions. This one was as good as the other one.
If I may, I shall take the purty phial, with or without the juice.
Myrddin just took the juice.
Now that I have the empty Sue item, I can test a little theory of mine. You see, I am not only a Sue item collector, but a bit of a researcher as well. Now, if I add just a little glitter allong the inside...
There! With the reintroduction of Suevian power to the crystal, the container is able to rejuvenate the missing contents. I suspected as much, as the healing liquid seems to be a 'homage' to The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. Lucy used the magic liquid to heal an entire battlefield full of wounded, yet never seemed to run low. Now, logicly, this would be because one needs only a single drop to be healed, and thus can be extended for a long, long time. But, since when have Sues used logic? Therefore, if I reintroduce a lack of logic, the potion will never run dry, as the bottle will forever refill itself.
Thank you for the bottle. I will have to look more into the practical application of glitter at a later time. As it is, I'm just glad I was able to get my hands on this artifact to test with! Safe travels you two, and don't let the Sues get to your head.
And what a horrible Sue...
~DF
The zombie attack on new york joke was my favorite, I think. Wraith Fili and Kili is pretty darn scary too...
Has somebody claimed the mythril pendant yet?
If I find another one, you and World-Jumper can fight to the death for it. ;)
Though I'll have to remember how the little horse shaped ones move...
I'd swear you were trying to get out of playing scrabble with me, Jumper. :D
For a moment I was worried about AGENT Kestrel, the former Corpsemaker in the DMS.
Here
In which a wide-spanning debate is manufactured in HQ solely so I can discuss previous comments on the mission. ;)
hS
I shall have to keep that all in mind for next mission. More quoting, less evasion. Heh.
Because of course, Terri is talking about how her colleagues should do their job, and the discussions surrounding that, while also serving as a vehicle for me to make a point or three. I hope both of those came across.
hS
I may have to put in some reprimanding for my Agents next mission.
"It makes my head hurt." Jay's eyes narrowed under the traditionally pointy and broad brimmed hat (plaid, of course) that she'd taken as part of her disguise. "What's the first major break in canon? Besides them?"
"Causing Arwen to vanish from existence? Keeping Gandalf around? Upstaging Gollum by using worse grammar than he does?"
"Yes. But it's at a consistent level of unreality. Bother."
Acacia shrugged. "We could use a particularly bad Character Rupture.."
It's that 'consistent level of unreality' that Terri was going on about.
(Also, why is TOS still so funny? I mean really.)
hS
And I think TOS is still funny because nostalgic humour. And also because Jay is just a barrel of laughs, especially alongside Acacia. Which, of course, makes her serious scenes even more serious.
It has to be a quick one, since I need to get to bed, but here it is nonetheless!
I agree with Herr that a few more quotes showing the OC being Sueish would have made this stronger; or else spend a bit more time describing things so that we can see what's going wrong without a direct quote. Having the characters gripe about it to each other, while certainly a vital component to any mission, isn't always the best method for telling us about the badfic, since it essentially puts the audience at an extra remove from the action. It especially bugged me that we didn't see Kestrel woo any undead dwarves, since that was the main problem set out at the beginning of the mission.
The descriptions you do have are good, though, like the floating eyeballs and the zombie dwarves. I noticed that Eledhwen and Christianne kept it together remarkably well aside from the distortions affecting them, and I do like the inclusion of Bleepolate milk to combat the effects. Yay MiB. I would have been extremely disappointed if no one had incorporated that into the PPC universe. ^^
Somewhat related, one final note: beware the evil "as"! If left unchecked, it will force your characters to do impossible things like speak and chug at the same time, like so:
“Mini-Balrog up ahead,” the elleth said weakly as she chugged the Bleepolate milk.
I'm pretty sure even the Eldar would have difficulty mastering such an art, having but one mouth, same as us mere mortals. ^~
~Neshomeh
(The second series of lead-in missions will be much longer, I promise.)
And I'll fix that. Eledhwen's secretly got two mouths (just kidding).
I think hS/Terri explained it better than I did: the main thing is that the mission needs to show why the OC deserves to be executed as a Sue. If you can do it with seven quotes in five pages, that's great, but usually it takes a bit more. {= )
Including too many quotes or otherwise dragging it out too long can be just as much of a problem, though. I personally have a serious issue with writing 30-40 pages of story when 20 (I think) is right around the limit of what people want from most missions. My current one is giving me a particularly terrible time with wanting to quote everything, because 90% is over-the-top and side-splittingly funny without any help from me. Some of the cuts I've already chosen make me sad, but so it goes. I'll have to take the hedge clippers to it when I get to the end as it is.
Let me just thank you again for reporting "Blood Raining Night," while I'm on the subject. It's the badfic that keeps on giving. ^_^
Anyway, it's all a balancing act between character development and sporking, between quoting the fic and interpreting it, between showing and telling, between not enough and too much. PPCing is hard.
~Neshomeh
...and see if it's more effective than this one, please let me know so I can add you to the google doc.
I already have a couple too many projects on my plate. Adding another one would likely just result in more procrastination. {= (
~Neshomeh
When I read that last comment, I immediately went to the Claimed Badfic page to see if there was still a link to Blood Raining Night. What I found was a monument to ridiculous description everywhere. I'm particularly fond of the bit where Inuyasha suffocates ice by staring at Denmark. Even when I adjusted for the poor spelling and awkward phrasing, I still wasn't sure what the Suethor was trying to say there. Combining that caliber of nonsensical description with the trademark PPC snark... I can't wait.
What I found was a monument to ridiculous description everywhere.
I know, right? {X D I personally love all of chapter five, especially the second half. Sadly, though, that's one of the parts I don't think I can fit into the mission, since it's mostly a delusion and not terribly plot-relevant.
I recommend hosting dramatic readings of this fic with your geeky friends, especially if they love anime (but use good judgement about the squickier parts, like chapter nine, if you have young or otherwise sensitive friends). I have, and it's great entertainment. It actually kicked off a tradition for us. My niche in my circle of friends is now badfic readings with live MST. I'm so proud. ... Okay, maybe questioning my life choices just a little, but mostly proud. ^_^
~Neshomeh
In hindsight I should probably have extended the mission to at least until the bit where Bilbo makes it to Erebor, which would've been a second breach of Canon, but... Yeah. What's done is done, and Eledhwen and Christianne will get reprimanded for not staying long enough (they have a habit of not wanting to witness more charges than is strictly necessary).
Really well done Lily, I enjoyed several aspects of the mission, and it was fun to read. The allusions to what was going to happen in the blackout amused me, and while it did not add as much to the blackout as I expected, it did make me laugh, which is good. I liked the reaction of the dwarves to seeing their leaders die again, though if they were not going to be nuralized quite as quickly, I would have liked to see that emotion extend a little. Perhaps I'm just a little desperate for some strong emotion, as the badfic I'm sporking has practically none.
Well darn, should have jumped on sooner. I was going to nab the mythril, but Dawn has it already. Jumper is a bit of a Dues Ex Machina collector you see, so to have a pendant that allows travel would be something he would have in the collection. Not to use, mind you, but to observe and look at. Oh well, you win some, you lose some.
I would adopt one of the minis, but I don't think any of my agents would be interested in a mini Balrog. Jumper would be the most likely, but I'm not sure enough to take one and then have the poor thing neglected. Ah well, feed them all some of this bacon for me, as compensation. *tosses bacon bag*
And much rejoicing was had. It's been a while since we've had a mission here, hasn't it?
Well, fun times were had with this one. The word mishaps involved were quite something, I have to say, and the banter between Christianne and Eledhwen was pretty nice. I wish I had seen just a little more of the fic itself, but that's just a nitpick when everything else worked pretty well.
Can I have the bugle, pretty please?
When the very foundation of the story is a breach of Canon, there's only so much more it can take before something Very Bad happens.
Sure thing!
Sorry I couldn't help much...
Also, I'll take the mythril! It sounds like fun :)
Also tempted to adopt Golem, but...bad idea. I have so many minis already...
And now, I shall actually read past the first few lines of the mission :)
~DF
The pendant part likes glowing mysteriously and causing hallucinations of really cold ground and bright white ladies.
I don't know which agent will get it, but I know it won't be Dawn. Actually, odds are it'll be Edgar; it seems to fit.
And the mission was wonderful :) I mean...wraiths, and, and, serious scenes, and--well, I liked it, let's go with that :) I also read it several days ago, hence the lack of detail, but what can you do?
~DF