Subject: Ouch.
Author:
Posted on: 2013-04-30 16:25:00 UTC
Nooo Rhya Nui what are you doing to my first fandom!
It's actually decent in terms of description of actions and such, but the Shadowed One is so OOC it hurts. He seemed perfectly fine for a bit, but then the human shows up and he goes "Oh look, someone showed up on my island; I think I'll inject her with a villainous fetus. None of that questioning or trying to figure out what a fully organic being the like of which hasn't been seen since Tren Krom's exile is doing on Odina, nope, fetus-injection time." And the "Turaga of Colour" that has a name with too many vowels just makes it even dumber. We'll need to kill her, too, not just because of her non-canon and moronic power scope, but because she was apparently a human named Sherrie who turned into a Toa at some point. Plus, she's aiding and abetting Rhya Nui, as well as another Sue named Kokua who is apparently a "hybrid" of a Toa and some unknown winged Rahi. Ugh, now I'm getting Custom Bionicle Wiki flashbacks. (takes another bite of Bleepolate)
It looks like Gearn, Bladair, and Cuife might be recruitable. They seem to have the beginnings of real personality, despite the fact that the story constantly confuses them with each other. Since the author claims that their names are Gaelic translations of insults, at least one of them might want to be renamed, though. A few of the other Dark Hunters might be recruitable as well, but after a few chapters, there are so many Matoran and Toa OCs that most of those should probably just be assimilated into canon, and the ones with gratuitous diacritic-sporting names should be renamed before that.
Of course, there are those Spirit things to be dealt with, and since the author apparently doesn't know that Great Spirit is a title given to the mind in charge of upkeep of their universe and not a species or rank, they appear to be literal ghosts. How would one kill a biomechanical ghost? Having biomechanical ghosts doesn't even make sense!