Subject: War of Escalation
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Posted on: 2010-04-19 22:21:00 UTC

I popped my head out of my response center when I heard the yelling. I smiled, seeing that a water fight had broken out in the halls. I had taken the liberty of preparing myself for it this time. I pulled the AK-47 out from underneath my desk, and fingered the trigger lovingly, receiving a strange look from Leila, my partner. The DoSAT guy had demanded half a gallon of Bleepka in exchange for making it shoot bursts of water, but it would all be worth it soon. I ran out of my response center and through the halls. For once, the shifting corridors obliged me and I got to the cafeteria. I ducked behind an overturned table, and began blasting every agent in sight. Soon, I had gotten into a firefight with a guy from ESAS who had gotten the same idea as me, only with Uzis. I was hiding behind an overturned table, when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Leila charging through the cafeteria doors. She ran through the spraying water, and somersaulted behind my table. I didn't look at her, pretending to be focused on loading ammo. "I don't need the help!" I told her.
She grinned broadly at me. "I didn't come to help, matey!"
I didn't have time to cry out as the balloon hit me, because a second one came right after it. Sputtering water, I saw her charging off, giggling. I stood up, waving my gun at her. "I'll get you for this, Leila! I'll get y-"
I didn't have time to finish my sentence, as the agent I had been fighting with blasted me in the side. Sopping wet, I ran back to my response center, gunning down anyone in my way.
The machine gun hadn't been my original idea. The DoSAT guy had told me my original idea was rather unstable, so he had made the AK-47 to make it up to me. (I am positive that his generosity was due to my wonderful personality as opposed to the fact that I had my battleax with me at the time). In any case, he had also given me the prototype. Cackling, I grabbed the Panzerschreck. A Panzerschreck is like a bazooka, only larger and German. I also grabbed my backpack, which I had previously filled with water balloons. The halls seemed to have returned to their usual unhelpfulness, and it took me over ten minutes to reach the cafeteria. It was a madhouse, or at least more that usually so. I looked for my errant partner, and finally saw her, laughing with some of her friends from DoI as they pelted people . I ran up to them, lauching balloons. They screamed, and ran away, through one of the many corridors leading out of the cafeteria. I ran after them, smiling so widely it looked like my head was about to fall off.
I really should have been more suspicious.
A huge black mass slammed into me, lifting me off my feet. As it hit me, it burst, drenching me with water. I hit the floor, rubbed some of the water from my eyes, and came to my senses in time to see what was happening.
They had rigged up a Canon Catapult, and were loading it with a trash bag filled with water. I jumped to my feet, and started running towards them. I dodged the next trash bag, and jumped onto the arm of the catapault. I blasted the DoI agents again, and I could tell the screaming was genuine this time. As I was shooting, I didn't notice Leila running towards me. Before I could shoot her, she pulled the lever that fired the catapult.
I suddenly flew through the air, out of the hallway, and back into the cafeteria. Snarling, incoherent with rage, I grabbed my gun, sighted my partner over the barrel, and fired.
Pro tip: a Panzerschreck looks the same from both ends, and will fire even if you're holding it backwards. I had been holding it against my chest, and the blast knocked the wind out of me. Hazily, I saw my partner looking at me with a smug impression on her face. Her buddies were crowded around her. "Give up yet?" she asked.
I don't answer. Instead, I reach into my backpack with both hands and pull out a bunch of small balloons. "I didn't want it to have to escalate to this level," I sighed.
They lift their much larger balloons threateningly, not seeming very worried by my pitiful weaponry. "What kind of escalation do you call that?"
Instead of answering, I toss the balloons at them, turn tail, and run. I hear screams behind me. "WHAT IS THIS?"
Trying not to laught, I shout over my shoulder to the pursuing agents, "The Urple Bandits triumph again!"

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