"Of Glitter and Men"

http://miah-arthur.livejournal.com/6127.html

Summary: Miah makes kissy noises, Castor enjoys pumpkin guts a bit too much, Cali rescues four children, and the NCIS continua is saved from a fluffy, wangst!Sue and her plague of glitter.

Just delete any notes I make before you post :P

I haven't seen any major problems, only minor spelling and grammar stuff. Okay...you capitalized every instance of the word 'Mission' even when it's not neccesarily a PPC mission, you used a comma instead of a question mark right at the beginning (What about the cat), and a few more pronouns would probably make things flow better. The execution scene is slightly vauge, and you're using commas too sparsely (or is that an effect of the Sue on the wordworld? It would be interesting if it was). Other than that, it's really very nicely done; in my veiw, the mission's funny, the characters are well-written, just fix the mechanics and it will be really good when its posted.