Subject: I have it, kinda (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2010-02-26 00:41:00 UTC
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Opinions by
on 2010-02-25 02:49:00 UTC
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I have an LOTR story up right now and I would appreciate anything that can be offered on it. It's always nice to have a second opinion, right?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5560010/1/Promises
Thanks! -
Re: Opinions by
on 2010-02-25 21:47:00 UTC
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I didn't finish it - if I have time I'll read more - but from what I read, here goes:
I was impressed by your knowledge of The Silmarillion. I always enjoy it when writers work stuff from it into their stories.
I can tell that you're trying to avoid making her a Mary Sue, and it does help - she makes mistakes, and that's good. I particularly liked that you had her feeling guilty and sort of apologizing in chapter eight. She does still come off (at least to me) as a Sue because of her Sueish traits, e.g. rare hair and eye colors, special powers, and canon characters spending all this time around her.
As for the writing itself: it's OK to say "brown/green eyes" instead of "chocolate orbs" or "jade optical." You might also want to avoid having scenes that are just straight from the movie without anything changed or added - if you want to have a scene that's the same, try having a character's thoughts and feelings added or something like that.
There were some parts that I thought were funny, which is always nice. -
Re. brown/green eyes. by
on 2010-02-25 22:27:00 UTC
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That eye-color actually exists. It's called hazel. {= )
~Neshomeh -
Oops, I phrased that poorly. by
on 2010-02-26 16:53:00 UTC
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I meant to say that it's all right to say "brown eyes" instead of "chocolate orbs" or "green eyes" instead of "jade optical."
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Ohhhh. In that case, I heartily second you. by
on 2010-02-26 18:35:00 UTC
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I used to see that sort of thing in Neopets RP all the time, and it drives me nuts. No balls of chocolate stuck in eye sockets, please. Nor of jade (although that could make for a spiffy false eye, I suppose, if glass wasn't your thing).
~Neshomeh -
I have it, kinda (nm) by
on 2010-02-26 00:41:00 UTC
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wha? lol by
on 2010-02-26 02:12:00 UTC
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I do admit, I made her with very specific powers. I did try to make sure they weren't like catch-alls. Like, she can't do any and everything she wants to.
I admit, I did pick a color of eyes and hair that are rare. But they do exist! At least I didn't pick urple. So thanks... -
Re: wha? lol by
on 2010-03-01 13:13:00 UTC
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I mean I have hazel eyes but they don't do the color-changing thing much because I don't do the color thing much either. ^_^
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i see... by
on 2010-03-08 02:52:00 UTC
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I see. Her powers are strong but not the STRONGEST. She is not greater than her parents or Elrond for example. But I am glad that you noticed that I was trying NOT to make her a Sue. She does plenty of stupid shit.
Hey, no Elf is perfect LOL.
Examples: Eol, Maeglin, Caranthir, especially Feanor...