Subject: Then I retract my comment. :)
Author:
Posted on: 2010-01-12 22:21:00 UTC
I don't know the Hogan's Heroes fandom at all.
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shameless first-mission plug by
on 2010-01-12 02:33:00 UTC
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I've completed my first mission in the PPC, and my agents are already developing issues. Ah well.
http://agentsams.livejournal.com/
That's the link to my livejournal for the PPC. Um, there was an issue with the cuts in my journal, and there are three that go to the mission. If anyone knows how to get rid of them, could you let me know, please?
-Honu_Wahine -
Bravo! by
on 2010-01-13 04:41:00 UTC
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I think you did a very nice job of characterizing your agents in their first go-through here. Between the two, they seem to cover both ends of the cazy spectrum. I like the way S.A.M.S. swears in that military code I don't know the name of, and I also like how she expresses her emotions visually, but unconsciously, sort of like in old Disney/Looney Tunes cartoons (growing devil horns and the like).
A couple of little notes/questions:
First, how is Sidhe's name pronounced? In my head, I say SEE-duh.
Second, I noticed that in the paragraph where S.A.M.S. reveals herself to the 'Sue, tunnel is misspelled "tunel." Which sounds to me like a funnel for tuna. -
Re: Bravo! by
on 2010-01-15 22:25:00 UTC
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Sidhe's name is pronounced "She." It's weird, but it oddly seems to fit him... There's a bad joke in there somewhere for anyone who decides to look up the elves from Dragon Age and the Sidhe(probably the Unseelie).
Oh, and thanks for noticing that error. Wait, was it mine or hers? If it's mine, I'll just go fix it.
Sam swears using the NATO phonetic alphabet, because most of her curses are stuff that can't be translated properly without raising the rating on the missions just a bit... Hehehe.
-Honu_Wahine -
Hypocrisy by
on 2010-01-13 04:43:00 UTC
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And I meant to say "crazy spectrum" in that first paragraph. Sorry.
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Re: shameless first-mission plug by
on 2010-01-12 04:27:00 UTC
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Pretty good, though I don't know the canon.
Are the font changes deliberate? It's a bit... jarring for the font to change from one paragraph to the next.
As for the cuts... are you posting using the rich text editor? That's the usual culprit for effing up a cut in such a way. I don't know how to fix it if you are, besides going into the HTML editor and completely stripping all coding and manually coding everything. -
Re: shameless first-mission plug by
on 2010-01-12 11:11:00 UTC
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Thanks. Yeah, I've been using the RTF for it.
The font changes are deliberate--the stuff in bold is from the story that I killed.
-Honu_Wahine -
Re: shameless first-mission plug by
on 2010-01-12 11:19:00 UTC
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Ah, I didn't mean the bold. That's counted under formatting anyway, to my mind, rather than font.
Here's an example, as my computer shows it. -
Oh. Oops by
on 2010-01-12 11:54:00 UTC
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Heheh. That was a formatting problem with the words. I pasted in the author's words, and then my spacing and size and font and pretty much everything else got shot to hell.
I'll try and fix that at some point. -
Re: Oh. Oops by
on 2010-01-12 12:08:00 UTC
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Best way round that is to do a select all once you've finished writing and then apply one font to the whole document. That way you don't have to worry about editing fonts manually.
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Nicely done by
on 2010-01-12 04:18:00 UTC
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Nicely done; you worked in that bit about Sam's Sueish traits vanishing upon notice quite well, if a bit subtely.
There's one thing I must mention, and which you were probably unaware of (I really must finish that Newbie FAQ soon): canon characters will always remain under the Sue's influence until she is dead, and you had Hogan walk off without trying to help her. It's not too big a deal this time since the author apparently didn't write him as liking her very much, aside from going a bit parental, but next time be aware that one of the main problems for most agents is making the kill covertly, or restraining the canon characters until the Sue is dead.
Other than that, not bad. Congratulations on your first mission. -
As the writer of an other Hogan's Heroes mission by
on 2010-01-12 11:51:00 UTC
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In that mission Hogan and the Heroes did not make an effort to help the Sue either. Though there the agent notes in relief that Hogan was angry with the Sue and thus not so inclined to help, I may have set a bit of an example for this fandom.
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Then I retract my comment. :) by
on 2010-01-12 22:21:00 UTC
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I don't know the Hogan's Heroes fandom at all.
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I like it by
on 2010-01-12 03:19:00 UTC
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It is very nice even though I had no clue there was a 'Hogan's Heroes' thing but I like. And the Sue was bad. But the ice pick was a nice touch.
