Subject: Re: Some writings
Author:
Posted on: 2009-12-05 06:01:00 UTC

Why the new line for every sentence? Why the present tense? If you must keep the present tense, that first "so" really doesn't fit. The narration seems a little too far removed from the action, for present tense. I think the short version of this paragraph is: fancy a detailed beta on this one?

Seconding the notion already expressed that you seem to have some Very Big Ideas here. Very Big Ideas need to be run past everyone and discussed before being implemented; we're playing in a shared world here, remember, and if someone changes everyone's lego into sticklebricks without warning, it ruins the game.

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