Subject: Try Convenient Cake, Ansela!
Author:
Posted on: 2009-07-20 05:43:00 UTC
*shamelessly plugs her own creation*
And it sounds like she's just had a personal spat with the fandom itself, which is possibly the best thing that could happyn (short of, you know, cutting off her hands and vowing to never write again).
The fic on which I wrote my first mission. It has been deleted.
I'm almost certain that it wasn't because of anything I did (I have no idea how the author would have gotten ahold of my writing, save by the efforts of one particularly misguided friend...)
I am now almost (ALMOST) sad that I didn't save the full text for that one, if only to point people at the awful. On the other hand, I am now very glad that my Agent(s) accidentally rescued all those Pidgins, as their natural habitat has now been utterly destroyed.
Still. Cake, anyone? *Hands out chocolate cake made with espresso in it*
She might have seen the light about her writing, or the 'flames' might have got to be too much for her. Hopefully it's the former, since the latter usually results in reposts.
Hmm, cake. Got any plain chocolate cake?
-Ansela, who is in a very good mood from listening to random songs from the BuriMyu soundtracks.
Well, there is the fact that she didn't actually have any flames on that one. Which... surprised me...
I took a look around her profile again after I realized that she had deleted it, and it appears she deleted everything not related to Twilight or Vampire Academe. *shrug* Hopefully it won't go back up.
And sure I've got plain chocolate! *hands you a piece kept in reserve*
*shamelessly plugs her own creation*
And it sounds like she's just had a personal spat with the fandom itself, which is possibly the best thing that could happyn (short of, you know, cutting off her hands and vowing to never write again).
Maybe someone reported its awfulness. Don't worry. There's still plenty of awful Tortall fanfics to use as examples. Take a look at some of the Kel/Joren ones, for example. There's only a few that aren't bad. On a lighter note, I found a Suefic in which the Rogue was called the Rouge. If I get a chance to PPC it, does anyone want small statuettes of Rosto made of red blush? Granted, they're kinda crumbly...
Save the Pigins! Awesome birdies they are, Rosie.
Yay, caffeinated cake! Thanks!
I'll take a Rosto Blush-statue!
And I know about the Kel/Joren ones. I'm currently prepping this one ( http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2413177/1/ASquiresPain ) for killage. In fact, I could use another voice on what exactly to class our heroine and hero in that one as. I'm almost certain that they're replacements in need of a painful death, not just canons in need of exorcism. They're too... Uuugh.
Also, I just stumbled upon a Gary/Raoul story. I'm debating reporting it to Bad Slash or killing it myself...
The ones that get to me are the Kel/Wyldon ones...
That Kel/Joren has got to have replacements. There is no way they would say stuff like that. I'm going after an AU that annoys me and has definite replacement Sues (color changing eyes for Kel, fake tragic past and weaknesses for Joren), but I'm not sure if we can actually PPC AUs. If we can't PPC them, I'm still going to MST the blasted thing. Kel/Neal, Kel/Joren, and Kel/Roald fics irk me like crazy. Alanna/Roger and Daine/Ozorne fics are just plain disturbing.
Wait... There's Kel/Wyldon fics? *suddenly feels Bloodwrathy*
JUST LET ME GET THE AUTHORS! I'LL TEAR THEM LIMB FROM LIMB! HOW DARE THEY! I'LL FEED ALL OF THEM TO THE KRAKEN ALIVE! I'LL MAKE THEM COOK WITH BLAZEBALM! I'LL FORCE THEM TO WATCH THE TELLYTUBBIES AND LISTEN TO BRITNEY SPEARS 24/7! I'LL-
Okay, calm yourself, Cinnia. *takes a deep breath* Sorry about the caps lock words, but I was very, very, very, very, extremely angry. They've gone way too far with Kel and her romantic life this time. Kel/Cleon and Kel/Dom I understand. But this... *sigh*
Here's a Rosto Blush-statue! Don't you just love Suethor spelling errors?
*Accepts the statuette and places it carefully on a shelf* Suethor misspellings are the greatest, and provide us with much amusement... *strokes her Pidgin*
*Wordlessly pushes this fic ( http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4490290/1/IMustntLove_You ) at you*
I... I just... I just can't... It hurts. I HAVE to kill that one at some point. If nothing else, for having TERRIBLE chapter titles. I just have to work up the stomach to read it all the way through. And here I thought I had a strong stomach...
I think (think) we are allowed to go after AUs, provided that there's something sufficiently terrible about them, and such...
I found a Modern AU Kel story that... Well, parts of it bug me, parts of it I actually like, parts of it just hit my WTF meter. I think what I dislike most about it is the fact that the author made Kel a stripper waiting for her man to come save her... *sigh*
That makes me want to vomit and I don't ever feel nauseous while reading. At least, until that story.
Wyldon is married and has children, for Mythros's sake! A Scanran attack in winter? That's fricking impossible in this continuum! The books clearly stated that the only thing that happened at winter during the Scanran War was the reports from Daine's spies! Also, isn't Wyldon about thirty or forty years her senior? Erg. That's pushing the limits of my gag reflex.
Modern AUs are disturbing. I tend to not like any of them, except parodies.
The AU I found made Kel's eyes change back and forth between hazel and green (but only green when she is in wuv wid pwecious Jorwen). It also made Joren's family "oh so horrible, unchaste, and controlling" and made Joren look like a crappy knight. The Suethor said basically that he stunk at everything but swordplay, which wasn't true in the books. This is an AU, but still... You'll all love this about it, too: Because Joren is supposedly dyslexic, Kel gets to "tutor" him, and both Kel and Wyldon practically state that "all those who have dyslexia are stupid". I about snapped at that point. That is just wrong, wrong, wrong. Kel and Neal kiss, Cleon gets dissed, and Joren survives the Ordeal. But what really ticked me off in the first place were three things: There are over sixty chapters in the story, Dom gets beat by Joren in a swordfight while Kel watches, and there are, on average, about fifteen quotes from the books per chapter. All in all, it's confusing to read, (although there's not that bad of writing), stupid to read, and completely contradictory of the books. I hope Tammy never finds it. It would scare her.
You see why I'm having a hard time with that one? I mean... I'm usually pretty okay with fics, but that one and the Kel/Joren one, and a couple of others, have made me make a sort of long, low "Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng..." noise while reading... I suppose that's why we're hear. To kill the Nnnnnnnnnnnnnng-worthy stuff... to make the world clean again... *waxes philosophic*
Er, right then.
I hate it when people say that dyslexia=stupid. Also that dyslexia=get-out-of-spellcheck-free card...
Thankfully Tammy isn't allowed to read fanfics of her own work for fear of accidental plagiarism (Not that she ever... ever... ever could take the ideas that some of these chicks throw out... ) so the likelihood of her seeing these is... Low.
Also. Pain. Something I just stumbled across. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2536173/1/TheRingof_Artemis
It's Tammy/Tolkien crossover. 10th Ring. Is in Tortall. Guh. By the same girl who wrote the Kel/Joren fic I shoved at you... It pains me.
Eleven dwarf rings? It's seven! Brown Eyed Girl17 obviously can't research enough to know that, though. Why is Artemis in here, anyway? Both continuums don't have a goddess by that name. And they all use slang! Even Aragorn, Gimli, Arwen, and Legolas. Who wants to bet that Kaylin is Leggy's twu wuv? That is painful. Don't ruin Tortall and Middle-earth by slang-and-ring-filled crossovers, fans! LotR has had enough, anyway.
OBVIOUSLY it's Artemis because she can't be arsed to do any research. If she were, she could find a goddess in both continuum that have similar characteristics and blah blah blah mythology blah anthropology blah blah raeg blah....
*Ehem*
And of COURSE Kaylin is Leggy's twu wuv! What ELSE?
*sigh* It will die.
I'm suggesting crispy-fried Sue, Mt. Doom-style. Or a meeting with the Skinners.
How about both? Give them to the Skinners, then drop the bodies into Mt. Doom... Or perhaps just feed them to my Agent(s) Mini-Stormwings...
Or something. Something inventive. And painful. I wonder if Pidgins like the taste of Sue-flesh....
Those killing machines have the spirit of children right? Traumatizing. Whoa.
Oh, hey, how about lacing them to the front of a Stormwing? Free takeout anyone?
Or, we can make it go to the Chamber of Ordeal, if that's even possible. In one of the books, it did say that anyone with suspicious intentions towards the Chamber were "reduced to ash", or something like that. Sues count as having suspicious intentions, on my scale. Or maybe the Chamber will want to inflict punishments on the Sues itself! That would be interesting to find out.
You don't belong here, it said. You are what humans call a "Mary Sue". You look beautiful on the outside, but have ugly intentions. As such, I condemn you to the Sue execution: Become frightfully ugly and have to look into a mirror.
Speaking of great endings, that's brilliant!! I would love to see this mwah ha ha!! Bloodthirsty wench that I am. ^__^ Heh heh!
The dialogue of the Chamber would be an added plus. I wonder what it does to make said enemies ash...AND!! You're absolutely right, since it could see inside the mind of-
^^Because of that the death is bound to be quick. YAY!
Ok, I reached the 'Nnnnnnnnnnnng' stage after the first two lines of that crossover one, at about the point when it said:
“Three rings for the Elven-Kings under the sky,
Eleven for the Dwarf-Lords in there halls of stone,"
Aaarghaaarghaaargh. *sound of head banging against wall* It's not like it's that hard to go and check... And what in the Nine Hells is Artemis doing hanging around either Middle-Earth or Tortall? Were the regular pantheons of either realm lacking in some way?
Though I did crack up when Arwen described Legolas as "the closest thing she had to a brother". Aside from, you know, her *actual* brothers :D
I can't decide if it's killeageable yet. Has her offense become gross enough to warrant it?
I think she just didn't feel the need to go and research... Gawd... eleven dwarf-rings... the pain...
Yeah... It saddens me and amuses me when people forget all about the El twins...
I didn't know of the twins Elrohir and Elladan until I read a fic about them. I really need to get my hands on the books.
How many offenses does one need? Generally speaking...
try to get as many offenses as possible, generally. A long charge list is always a plus. Whether it be written on a notepad, or your partner's arm... >.>