Subject: Or!
Author:
Posted on: 2009-06-23 05:19:00 UTC
I could try to figure out a way to schlep her back in time and give her Blue Pox if she likes Emelan so much, but... Machete is more to the point. And a trifle more satisfying/definite....
So. While wandering about The Pit, I stumbled upon this:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4838206/1/Desolee
The protagonist is a blatant Sue under the Oh So Average American name of Desole'e Litu'an. She has "Rainbow eyes" and long black hair (that it hurts her to cut, literally), and, oh, the angst, cannot speak.
And, for once, I am annoyed that there isn't more to the story, because to the point that it's been written, it hasn't entered the Canon which she's destined to fall into from the Real World.
Which means we can't kill her yet...
*Lurks around the page for it to update so she can pounce with a large hammer*
Just felt I had to share my frustration/agony with the rest of you...
Kill, kill, kill! It's too bad that the story hasn't moved on. Who wants to bet that miss "Rainbow Eyes" ends up trying to get Briar or Pershan? (Though, if she does, I'll be inclined to donate a machete for her killing. Leave the Canon Characters alone, Suethors. Not that they listen.) Anyway, why are there all of these little archives for the Circle of Magic, Circle Opens, and Will of the Empress? There's already a Tamora Pierce archive...
Basically, the reason that there are all these little one-story archives is because the authors are Stupid. I'm guessing that yes, she's going to go after Briar. Which will be amusing to watch. In the most sickening manner.
I wish that once, just once, that fangirls would write a fanfic about their LO, without having someone fall in love with them. Or maybe they shouldn't write at all. I really hate these uncanonical romance books that mess with the characters. I sorta want to yell at the writers, "Leave the characters alone!"
I'm a fangirl, to the point of degenerating into loud squeeing and repetitions of a name(s) at times, and I don't write fics where my LOs fall in love with anyone, let alone a Sue.I do have a disturbing tendency to take my favourite characters and write them in dubiously consensual, or completely non-consensual, slashy situations though.
Sorry. I guess I meant the Suethor kind of fangirl. I just hate to see the characters from my books turned silly and lovesick for any Sue (or Stu) that happens to walk past them. I don't mind them writing about the Canon, but when they start writing in Sues/Stus and completely change the Canon Character's personalities, that's where I draw the line. No offense intended for the fangirls that don't write about Sues and Stus.
Were failed attempts at writing accents.
I don't know the fandom, but it looks like a textbook Sue.
I had that thought on the apostrophes as well, but... Still. If you don't know how to do accents, don't use them.
And I know the fandom. If this is going to be set there, she's going to have to drop into the Canon. And no one in Canon has "Rainbow eyes"...
She has the typical 'Poor little rich girl' problem... *sigh*
…but I do know that desolé(e) == "sorry".
Oh, and Scorpius' mother and Ron Weasley are ticked off over this NSFW story she faved:
Nirvana » by 66BlueBlood66 reviews
HG/DM smut Almost no story line
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,931 - Reviews: 29 - Updated: 5-1-09 - Published: 4-25-08 - - Hermione G./Draco M. - Complete
I know the fandom. It's one of my favorites, in fact. Right up there with Tolkien and Megan Whalen Turner. And I can already tell where this is going to lead.
Her profile informs us that she's a virginal nymphomaniac (*Eyeroll*) who loves smutfic.... *sigh* If she goes after Briar I'm going to go ballistic... I can already think of several pleasing ways to do this deed... *waits*
I'm one. I'm more of a Tortall person, but I'm a mild fan of the Emelan books. She better not go after Briar. He's not my LO, but he deserves protections from Sues. I don't want him to become Emelan's variant of Sirius. Like I said, if the person updates and you want to kill this one, I will gladly donate a machete to the cause. Or a weed whacker...
Oh, I already have plans regarding Bleeprin and a bottle of Stuff. But I'll use your machete as well. It would be cruel to take a weed whacker if she's after Briar, remember. Plants and all...
Briar might not know what it is, though... Never mind. I'll just suggest the machete.
Oh, that is truly bad. Freaking apostrophe name! At least the spelling and grammar are good, I suppose, but that's nowhere near enough to save it.
I do think that it's quite funny how she's busy going on about how cliches are bad, though. Irony, much?
Btw, whoever kills her (and good luck to you if it's you :D ) also needs to charge her with Einstein-bashing for calling him an 'idiot-savant' *growls*
Oh, I have every intent of killing her dead as soon as possible. And oh yeah. She's getting a fencing sabre to the throat for calling our Cute Eccentric Swiss Patent Clerk an 'idiot-savant'. Or possibly a fountain pen. *waits patiently*
Unfortunately, I don't think that posting a review saying "please hurry up and write some more, so I can kill your character in an extremely nasty manner" will have quite the desired response, somehow. Pity :P
Now I'm trying to think of some sort of relativity-appropriate death for her (although in saying that, I'm sure she's going to do much worse than slandering Einstein, sooner or later). Maybe portalling her to the vicinity of a black hole would be fun - she could learn about the process of spaghettification...very briefly, that is. *evil grin*
Oh, and judging by the way she's pushing the 'I'm adopted' line, what are the odds she turns out to be the relative of a canon character sent to our world somehow for reasons of Melodrama?
This idea I got from a third-grade science experiment. You know, the one where you take some vinagre in a coke bottle, put baking soda in a coffee filter and wrap it up tight, put the filter in the coke bottle with the vinagre, and then put a balloon over it to watch it expand?
Well.
Replace baking soda with crushed Bleeprin. Replace vinagre with Pink Stuff (Or Purple Stuff, for that matter). Hand to Sue. Run away (or perhaps portal to a safe distance) quickly. Enjoy the show.
Mayhap I won't use that on HER if someone can come up with something better, but... You know. Some time, it has to be done.
Textbook Sue, so I'm guessing yes, she is. If it somehow turns out that she has a relationship with that character, especially a smutty one, then this fic will deserve much more than death.