Subject: yes, nice
Author:
Posted on: 2009-06-10 16:10:00 UTC

In addition to that (and Neshomeh's comments), I'd like address a paragraphing issue. This:

"Richi! You've got to help me, she's a madwoman!" Richi looked from the rather beaten-up Dakku, to Maxie, and back again, then barely stifled a giggle.

"I have no doubt that whatever it was your new partner just did to you, it was deserved," Dakku stared incredulously at Richi for a moment or two, then gave his head a rueful shake.

"What's the PPC come to, when you can't even rely on your ex-partner to back you up?"


is kind of confusing. The first paragraph looks like it's Richi talking to Richi. Would look better like this:

"Richi! You've got to help me, she's a madwoman!"

Richi looked from the rather beaten-up Dakku, to Maxie, and back again, then barely stifled a giggle. "I have no doubt that whatever it was your new partner just did to you, it was deserved."

Dakku stared incredulously at Richi for a moment or two, then gave his head a rueful shake. "What's the PPC come to, when you can't even rely on your ex-partner to back you up?"


If you have people acting and talking in the same paragraph, make sure it's the same person doing both the talking and the acting.

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