I do so hope you enjoy your time on this adorable blue and green sphere as much as I have.

Have a winged kitten and an evil cheese stick!

Here, have some catnip in a graduated cylinder. :]

have some C4 plastic explosives. they don't explode if you simply light them on fire, so they are a good replacement for a stove... just don't stomp on it. last person tried that was injured pretty bad

The cake will taste like your favorite flavour, and the Towel is good for cleaning up any messes (well, spilled blood, at least; we're not yet sure about other fluids).

As the others have already said everything of importance (and I swear, you're getting far more interesting welcome gifts than I did ~two years ago), I'll leave it at that.

And watch out for the random silliness!

Have...an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and hey, it whisks eggs! It's also pretty useful for author wraiths and those pesky trolls. Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity!

Here's a cool coupon to get a free item at the Raven Armory. It's nice to meet you.

Incidentally, Luxury is coming!

Seeing as nobody's done it yet... *drags out Big Bag O' Links*

First off is the link to the Wiki, a veritable fount of information for a newbie to read through. Especially helpful for you if you want to write missions would be the page on Permission (note the capital P).

I would advise against reading any Legendary Badfic, unless you are of strong mind and stomach. Even the summaries have been known to give those of weaker constitution nightmares.

For your reading pleasure, not knowing what you have already managed to find, I have several links for you. The Original Series (not to be confused with Star Trek) is a good place to start, as the PPC did many aeons ago. What do you mean I'm exaggerating? The Department of Geographical Aberrations is another interesting place to visit, if you have the time and inclination. Also by hS is the Tangled Webs site, which contains backstory for the PPC as an organisation. If you would rather visit the Floaters, then July's site is the place you need to be. And last, but most definitely not least, Response Centre 45 is where Trojie and Pads' missions are archived.

Hope you enjoy your stay here. Please deposit your sanity into the container offered to you by another Boarder; you won't be needing it here.

Feel free to stick around, in fact, we encourage you to if you want to do so~.

Have an Unusually Upgradeable Chainsword. It is, as the name implies, much more upgradeable than a standard chainsword. That may or may not include laser blade tips, a flamethrower (although there is a rather convenient slot for flamethrowers), or a limitless power source of unspecified origin.

Welcome to the PPC! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *holds out bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* We don't tend to have much use for things like that here. Also, here's a minion. It's a very small one and probably isn't very useful, but it is a start to your Horde.
-Mad Maudlin

Here, have a coffeemaker. You're going to need it.

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a Response Center?

Lovely to meet you! Welcome to the insanity.

And as a present, have this bag of pebbles and Random Shiny Object. They're fun. :D