I feel bad for him, the poor elf. No canon character deserves that type of fan abuse repeatedly. I don't like lemons because of past bad experiences, but I don't usually have problems with them. This, though... I read the author's note and two lines, then stopped. It made me nauseous just thinking about it. My poor brain can only stand limes at the worst these days. I think this is why I would fail at the Department of Bad Slash. I would be vomiting half the time.
*hands over some bleeprin*

Surprisingly, all I thought when I read it was, "Why is Legolas randomly having it off and why is there chocolate involved? And what's with the fangs, is she a vampire?"

...A year ago I would have been squicked.

Because I think I remember it.

Well, whatever the case, my mind tells me that vague as my memories are, they say that anything with a name like that is nas-tay business.

I have nothing against porn stories, well-written or not. My issue is with such gratuitous and pointless canon debasement. Why Legolas? Why Middle Earth? Why can't the writer create her own damn setting, her own damn characters? The fact that this fic takes place in Middle Earth with Legolas is absolutely IRRELEVANT to the 'plot'.

I got less than 30 seconds in before shutting down my brain - old reflexes die hard. Somewhere between realizing that "Nikkaly" is a really f***ed up name for Middle Earth and trying to wrap my head around run-on sentences that don't quite work in the first paragraph, I was already taking mental evasive action. xD