I might have something for you. *pulls out sack* now then, where did i put it? *rummages in sack**muffled explosion* no, that's not it. *more rummaging* ah, there it is. Here, it's some of the C4 I had left over. about 20 pounds, I think.

to the PPc. and what i inquire as to what mark giant two handled frying pan they are using?

Well, headvoices are pretty darn evil at times. Here, have a shield to block them! And a graduated cylinder. :]

Hi there! I'm new, like you :D

-Pokes your headvoices- Bad headvoices D:

Not for use on your own family.

Have a large English Angora bunny plushie.

Her, have a mutated strawberry. If it grows legs spontaneously, you can always keep it as a pet instead of eating it.

Here, have an egg whisk! You can make omelets with that frying pan! The egg whisk is gold-plated, too, and has bunches of other uses.

Enjoy the insanity!

Er, maybe you should advise them to invest in some padding? Or there's always this. *hands over a fluffy towel* Welcome!

Ve do not drink... bleepka. Here, have some bleepka! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *holds out bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* We don't have much use for things like that here. I gift thee also with some hugs and sparklevamp repellent- all natural and guaranteed to ward off 100% of Edward Cullens!
-Mad Maudlin

Welcome, new friend! Have a complimentary walnut from the wooden bowl by the door. I'm pretty sure they're all dead, but by the off chance that one starts attempting conversation with you, I highly recommend you ignore any advice it might give you.

As for a gift, here's a sock full of rocks. I'm sure you'll find a use for it.

Useful for hitting whatever person or object is trying to keep you from sleeping.

I see that The Links have already been handed out, but I'll add a complimentary DMS flag, badge, and dagger, just in CASE *hint, hint* you decide to join our bloodthirsty little department. :D

Nice to meet you!

... nom on this while thinking of something :D

Welcome!

Here, have a frying-pan-proof helmet. Unfortunately it doesn't protect from anything else, so you better run for cover if the headvoices start hitting you with a wok. (The Dept of Technology is currently working on a wok-proof prototype that looks promising.)

Welcome, nevertheless.

Welcome!

Have some meat. Rather well-done, in fact. Someone gave me a cow in my newbie gifts, but it stumbled into a flamewar a short while later and as a result I'm left with way too much beef.

So, here. Have a steak.

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a response center?

It's nice to see some fresh meat faces around here.

*rummages around* Where's that bucket of links. I know it was around here somewhere. Ah, here it is. *produces slightly battered and singed bucket*

If you haven't already, it's usually a good idea to visit the Wiki. Pay special attention to the page on Permission, if your aspiration is to one day write missions.

Watch out for the Legendary Badfic, as even the summaries can scar unsuspecting minds. If you somehow end up reading one, a dose of Legendary Goodfic is a good cure, especially if you are interested in any of the represented fandoms.

If you have the chance and haven't done so already, reading The Original Series (not to be confused with Star Trek) is recommended.

What fandoms are you interested in? And please deposit your sanity in the box by the door. You won't need it here.