Subject: I have edited it...
Author:
Posted on: 2009-01-29 22:01:00 UTC
See what you think now.
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I can has Permission, lawl? by
on 2009-01-28 22:10:00 UTC
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I hereby request permission to make my own PPC missions. Here's the link to my writing sample...
http://azrael-shadowstryker.deviantart.com/art/Writing-Sample-for-PPC-111040753
And Agent Bios
Agent Zotz:
Age: Unknown
Species: Mostly human, standard Vindicare temple bio-enhancements.
Home Continuum: Warhammer 40K
Bio: Serious, hates daemons and xenos with a passion. Angry because he has to work with a Slaaneshi daemonette. Also hates Suvians, because his last mission before joining the PPC was to get rid of a Gary Stu who he thought was just an ordinary heretic leader. The Stu dodged the bullet, which killed the Mary Sue who was standing behind him. The return bullet from the Stu nearly killed him. He was brought back to the PPC, patched up, and paired with Agent Illixia.
Agent Illixia:
Age: 15
Species: Daemonette
Home Continuum: Warhammer 40K
Bio: Bubbly and bouncy. Loves Heavy Metal music. Spawned from the particularly depraved dream of a Mary Sue, who promptly forgot. Was picked up by the PPC and raised in the Nursery. Eventually paired up with Agent Zotz. Seems to actually like Zotz, who denies this. Knows almost nothing about her true origins. -
I have edited it... by
on 2009-01-29 22:01:00 UTC
Reply
See what you think now.
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Needs work, I think. by
on 2009-01-29 02:54:00 UTC
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I don't know about the other PGs, but I'd prefer to see a lot less horrific rapefic-quoting and a lot more funny agent snark, of which there wasn't much. Also, the last time I checked, the consoles didn't force the agents through the portal. It just doesn't work that way.
And, "lawl"? On a permission request? Seriously?
~Neshomeh -
Think I got a bit premature, by
on 2009-01-29 12:12:00 UTC
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I can still edit it, so I probably will. My sense of humor has seemed to atrophy in recent months, which is probably the School's fault. I was also unsure about the consoles, and I needed a slapstick gag...
About the "lawl", It was just a joke. I am not affiliated with ICHCb in any way. -
That could be a problem. by
on 2009-01-29 18:12:00 UTC
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Remember that above all else, the PPC is meant to be funny. So you may want to work on getting your sense of humour back before trying again.
As for the quoting... Neshomeh's point was that it's a lot more interesting to read what you've written than to read a badfic -- which, of course, is bad, by definition.
So yeah. Practice your agent interaction and avoiding long quotes, say a little more on the Board (I've seen what you said to Sedri, but it's fun to ramble incessantly about things you know nothing about! Not that I'm a great example these days), check up on PPC proceedure as described in, at minimum, the Original Series, and try again in a little while.
On the positive side, not that that's particularly negative, your agents do look interesting, and their interaction (what I read before I started skimming to check how much bold there was) looks good.
hS -
It's mostly back though, by
on 2009-01-29 20:08:00 UTC
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So I have been at work on rectifying the problems. Luckily DevArt has an "edit" tool. I probably shouldn't have posted the rough draft, it's just that others *coughSISTERcough* were pushing me to submit last night...
Thanks for the feedback, and I will get right to work! -
Thank you... by
on 2009-01-29 20:57:00 UTC
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For being receptive to feedback. It always makes me happy when new people handle themselves so well. ^_^
This may seem like hypocrisy, but it's generally not a good idea to let anyone else tell you when you're ready to show your work. If you suspect there's something left to do, you're probably right. The reverse is true, too: if you think there isn't any more you can do, there probably isn't--except for edits. There's always room for cleaning up messy sentences and making stronger word choices and such.
~Neshomeh -
Hmpf. Wasn't forcing him. by
on 2009-02-03 20:12:00 UTC
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Zotz is much bigger than me. I would need siege weaponry and trolls to force him to do anything. He *did* keep asking me "Do you think I should post it yet? What about now? Now?".
But I helped him with the HTML code! -
Rapefic quoting? by
on 2009-01-29 12:13:00 UTC
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I wasn't aware I was doing that... Ye gods.
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I think... by
on 2009-01-29 17:19:00 UTC
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..that the point Neshomeh was getting at is that you've put great chinks of the fic itself in the mission. When it's as NSFW as that (although I'm not suggesting this is gospel, I am after all but a newbie) I don't think it's really necessary to have all the explicit detail there. You can sort of skirt the issue by having either reactions or just by removing the excerpt and describing events less explicitly.
It also isn't necessary to have that much of the badfic itself in there, so far as I'm aware of. Although I might be barking up the wrong tree with that. -
Exactly right. by
on 2009-01-29 19:40:00 UTC
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There's actually little to no quoting of the original badfic in the Original Series, if I remember right. Mostly they just paraphrase what happens in the badfic in such a way as to highlight how ridiculous it is. The humorous paraphrase is a skill I'm working on in my own missions.
~Neshomeh, possibly one of the least prolific writers around as compared to others who have been around about as long. -
Re: Exactly right. by
on 2009-01-29 22:33:00 UTC
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Ah, the paraphrases. Always a good thing. And we certainly need a lot of 'em in Bad Slash, else our readership would be limited to about three people. But occasionally one comes across a line that just needs to be quoted in its entirety, for the WTF points.
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Not a PG either, but... by
on 2009-01-28 22:58:00 UTC
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How long have you been here? I'm afraid I don't recognise you - this may, of course, be a fault of my memory, but you don't seem to have been very actively involved in the Board - I found your name on only about four posts on the front page. The idea of a month-long wait before asking Permission, you know, is so that the PGs can see you've taken active part in our community.
On the other hand, maybe I'm just blind. -
I have been here for appx. 1 month. by
on 2009-01-28 23:08:00 UTC
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The reason you haven't seen much of me posting is because I only really post on things that I know about. No point in making myself look like an idiot by posting on things that I know nothing about...
Check the records. I'm pretty sure I posted more than 4 things.
And as for the blindness, *no comment*. -
Not a PG but... by
on 2009-01-28 22:51:00 UTC
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Whoot more 40K agents!
I can't seem to access your writing sample though, it wants me to join Deviantart.net first! -
You will need to join... by
on 2009-01-28 23:10:00 UTC
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You can join for free, though. You will probably need to say you are over 18, though, since I had to label the mission as having Explicit Content. The badfic that I sporked was basically a Warhammer 40K rapefic. Hope I have answered any questions you have...