Subject: Re: Hmm.
Author:
Posted on: 2008-12-25 02:26:00 UTC
And, just in case no one offers when you come to post a mission, I hereby offer my SPaG-beta services.
No, really, I mean that. Because the sample...? Made me twitch.
*ignores inner grammararian screaming "bade! BADE!"*
How come it's the Daisy in the Maquis de Sod's office?
*stops with the bitching before being asked*
After several months of lurking, I introduce my agents, Paladin and Scathach
Agent Paladin
Age:25
Paladin is a returning agent. He was originally an intelligence operative for the DMS and quite good at his job. After a few months in service he was offered a posistion as an assassin, but he declined and left the PPC, citing that he "lacked the proper bloodlust."
He spent the next five years wandering the multiverse. Now he has come back, much changed by his experiences. While he doesn't generally talk about his travels, it seems he suffered quite a bit, for those who knew him before say he is much more cynical, grim, and edgy. However, he still has his sense of humor, and generally is in good spirits.
Agent Scathach:
Age: 21
Scathach was a top assassin in the DMS, specifically the Anime and Manga division. Unfortunately, a particularly powerful Sue got the drop on her and blasted her. The PPC was able to save her, but much of her body was replaced by cybernetic components. Because of this, she was not allowed to retire, but retained by the PPC as a prototype. She hasn't completely gotten over the incident, nor has she finished adjusting to her new abilities. In her personal life, Scathach is a hardcore dedicated Otaku, which is what drew her to the PPC in the first place.
Both of them have been recruited to DAVD, Paladin for his experience in the field, and Scathach for her capabilities. Together they form a special unit to deal with the worst of badfic. Because of their front-line status, they also tend to get access to cutting edge tech and weapons from DoSAT.
Writing sample: http://nova-paladin.livejournal.com/21207.html
The fic I intend to destroy: http://www.monstersandangels.com/matalk/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=189
(Warning, both fic and host site are very NSFW/B. You probably don't even want to think about going there. As to how I found it, lets just say it was a combination of Something Awful and my own morbid curiosity.)
If your writing sample wasn't friend-locked, so I could actually read it...
(I've both friended you and left a comment on your LJ, so it should be easy for you to find me)
Writing considerations aside, one thing concerns me - all field agents count as "front line" agents, so you're not likely to get any special treatment for that. Agent sanity (the more the better) and/or unique targets are much more likely to get prototype weapons, but as any software engineer can tell you, "prototype" really is just a market-speak synonym for "buggy and incomplete". (And any PPC-engineered cybernetics are likely to be very... unique. In a C3PO meets Inspector Gadget sort of way.)
As it stands, these agents could be very well written, and they could be very poorly written. I'd like to see your writing sample.
You can't see it? Nuts, I thought I'd gotten around that by posting the URL directly. Ah well, I'll fiddle around with it and fix it.
As for your concerns, I suppose "front-line agents" was a bad choice of words. The idea I was trying to get across was that Scathach and Paladin have access to a wide array of of weapons and tools, especially since they'll almost certainly need them. The reason I made them prototypes is that no one has bothered to use them before, and I couldn't justify the agents just pulling new heavy weaponry out of thin air. Of course, most the of the tech I wanted to use is from one cannon or another anyway, so it's not exactly new.
At any rate, I'll try reposting the the journal entry to the PPC group or something.
Ok, I reposted it to the PPC LJ group. It should be readable now.
I'm not seeing it on the comm.
http://community.livejournal.com/the_ppc/
It's not there as far as I can see. The most recent post is by Tawaki, and is Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC part X.
Use the first entry that you posted, but set it to 'Everyone (public)' in the drop down menu near the bottom of the posting interface. That'll ensure that the PGs can read it.
Ok, fixed the problem. It's now been posted to the group.
USE A FRICKIN LJ-CUT!!!!! Seriously, it gets annoying to see something long on your f-list that the poster hasn't bothered to cut. Personally I tend to gloss over posts like that.
I have some concerns about your grammar/punctuation. Specifically the paragraphing of dialogue, and punctuation at the end of spoken lines. I'm also a little concerned by the "test of resolve" line, which doesn't sound too much like the Marquis to me, but I'll let it slide.
Okay. I'm going to say yes, permission granted, on the condition that you get a punctuation beta. If they happen to be knowledgeable about the PPC canon (such as it is), so much the better. Other than that, take it away.
(One minor note: generally one wouldn't be " with the DMS as an intelligence operative", but rather would be with the Intelligence Department, either as a full-time Spy, or as a freelance worker. Just to say)
hS
And, just in case no one offers when you come to post a mission, I hereby offer my SPaG-beta services.
No, really, I mean that. Because the sample...? Made me twitch.
*ignores inner grammararian screaming "bade! BADE!"*
How come it's the Daisy in the Maquis de Sod's office?
*stops with the bitching before being asked*
Any Flower can be referred to by species as well -- the SO can be referred to as "the Sunflower" or "the Flower" just as accurately. In this case there happens to be a Daisy out there, so it's a bit more confusing, but no more so than "the blonde".
hS
I want Maquis de Sod. Can I adopt him? Err... If that's fine with you, I mean.
For the same reasons and then some as the fact that there aren't Mini-Agents.
Artic had one Mini-Agent. Guess that part of PPC canon is somewhat sketchy by nature.
Since it was in some earlier information stuff that you don't get Mini-Agents because the mission can be edited and fixed, and on a similar but unrelated note, pretty sure that you can't get Minis from IMs, either.