Subject: Her name's fracking ELBERETH?!?!
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Posted on: 2008-12-20 22:12:00 UTC
I think the real Elbereth might delight in paying her a visit. Wonder if Middle-earthian stars are also huge fiery balls of fire and gas...
I'm tackling this fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4550310/1/BeinginLoveTwiceis_Hard.
It's a LOTR fic which revolves around an Aragorn/Arwen's Illegitimate Daughter!Sue, and a Haldir romance. She's racked up over sixty, possibly seventy charges by my count, and needs a slow, painful death. Any suggestions that don't involve leaving the continuum or outright torture, seeing as we know HQ frowns on it?
I'm definitely in the camp of people who want to introduce her to a star. Or... hmm. Don't the Silmarils burn? Maybe you could introduce her to Varda, who could borrow Earendil's Silmaril for a moment. 'Cause, you know, Sue would be too dumb to let go of it and be burned. And it wouldn't be quick, either.
Which would be satisfying, no?
Drop her in the middle of the Kinslaying. I don't know off the top of my head if she'd look like one of the Sea Elves (or even if that's the right term for them), but there's still a good chance she'd be shot or burned or trampled or drowned or all of the above.
~Neshomeh, who can't think of much worse a fate for any elf-kin.
Let her be eaten slowly by the Mirkwood spiders/Shelob. That's pretty painful, from all accounts. Though they may be overfed from all the Legolas-'sues.
I skimmed through the fic, and it looks totally insipid. I'm thinking coat her in honey or something and leave her in the Midgewater Marshes.
~Neshomeh
Slice her open first. Several times; some shallow cuts, some deep enough to show intestines. Cauterise as needed to keep her from bleeding to death, and THEN let the midges at her.
Failing that, did Tolkien ever go into diseases of any sort?
If blood would be more attractive to the midges, though, you could always coat her in that. Sacrifice a sheep and have a nice mutton dinner afterward. *g*
I don't know about diseases, sadly.
~Neshomeh
would dosing a Bleach Quincy/Captain/Vizard/Arrancar!Sue with some of Kurotsuchi Mayuri's Superhuman Formula before stabbing her count as torture?
If they're trying to keept it from looking too much like torture, for the cuts, they could "accidently" slice her open a bit while trying to get a hold of her.
…and leave her to Melkor in the War of the Jewels?
Dump her in a Balrog charge, perhaps...
I think the real Elbereth might delight in paying her a visit. Wonder if Middle-earthian stars are also huge fiery balls of fire and gas...
She's one of the Valar. Incharge of the stars, yes, but she's not one herself.
Fiery burny sounds good, though...
*headdesk* I meant "introduce her to Varda who introduces her to a star by burning her up with one"!
Gahhhhh....
that isn't what they are, just what they are made of. (At least according to C.S. Lewis)
But we just need the fiery-burny part.
Isn't that too quick?
Maybe one that isn't as potent. Maybe a star that is hot enough to burn someone to death--slowly?
Regret to report that anything that would burn human flesh "slowly" is nowhere near hot enough to be a star.
And, of course, if radiation burns count.