PPC, Oh PPC
to the tune of Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah

PPC, Oh PPC, let's kill the Mary Sue
We can have a party, as we kill the Stu too
Gather around now Agents, we have stories to slay
Legolas is pregnant, and Arwen's gone away.

And while we are killing
In each death we shall take delight
For each Sue we shall spite
We shall set things to rights
And fight for the canon that we love*
For each Sue we shall spite
We shall set things to rights
And fight for the canon that we love*.

Yey! It's done. I'm not entirely happy with the starred line but it'll do.

~Zoe~

I love that song. Soon as I'm sane again after work tomorrow I'll try to do one.

To the tune of "Jingle Bells" by John C. Pierpont

Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay
Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay

Jango never wed
Common knowledge that
Sure he fell in love
But soon that was that
Boba was a clone
As Rosebud was a sled
If thou art his mother, then
Thou wilt soon be dead

Oh,
Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay
Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay

Boba has no ma
Should not that be clear?
But you have arrangéd
To disappear
All the canon facts
That get in the way
So beep goes our console and
We portal in today

Oh,
Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay
Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay

This was inspired partly by my boyfriend, who donated the first line, and partly by article 1.6.11 in the FAQ For Other People.

To the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire."

Badfic roasting on an open flame,
Flamers cackling in the night;
Fanbrats squeal, "OMG, ur so lame!"
And we say, "Yeah, they're kinda right."

Everybody knows that concrit and an open mind
Help to make a fanfic right;
Being mean, being truly unkind
Will only tend to start a fight.

We know that badfic's there today
We know that lots of Mary-Sues are on their way
And every canon's fan is gonna cry
And yet we smile--oh yes; I'll tell you why:

Because the agents of the PPC,
Action, and Infrastructure, too,
Although it is strange, they greet badfic with glee
And make goodfic out of badfic--yes, make goodfic for you.

~Neshomeh

Gosh, I'm relly getting filky. Maybe it's because I have so much Christmas songbooks and the radio stations I listen to constantly play Christmas songs.
But without further ado, here's the filks.

"Joy to the World (The 'Sue is Dead)"
(Sung to the tune of "Joy to the World")

Joy to the world, the 'Sue is dead,
And Canon is restored!
Let songs of joy
Ring through HQ,
For death hath come to 'Sue
For death hath come to 'Sue
For death, for death hath come to 'Sue.

Joy to the 'Verse! The Canon reigns;
May badfic be destroyed!
A glass of Bleepka
we raise in toast,
to goodfic's health and joy,
to goodfic's health and joy,
to goodfic, oh goodfic's health and joy.

Let no more 'Sues and badslash live,
Nor wangst infest the ground!
We'll never rest
For Duty calls
As long as badfic's found,
As long as badfic's found,
As long, as long as badfic's found!

Canon shall rule with truth and grace,
And 'Sues fall at Its feet!
Her doom is near; she stands with fear
For revenge shall be so sweet,
Yes, revenge shall be so sweet,
Yes, revenge, revenge shall be so sweet!


"Away in an RC"
(Sung to the tune of "Away in a Manger")

Away in an RC, a chair for a bed
Two PPC Agents laid down weary heads
The console then "BEEP"-ed and boy, did they yell
Two PPC Agents who're tired as hell

A mission is calling, so now they must wake
But PPC Agents want Bleeprin and breaks
Ironic O'erpower looks down from the sky
And cackles with malice while missions are nigh

Protect all the goodfic and slay all the bad
Though this job is thankless and people go mad
The Canon is thankful for your tender care
So slay all the 'Sues lurking deep in Its lairs

Hope you like.

Sung to the tune of "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch", of course. I couldn't resist using it...
*clears throat and attempts to sing*

You're A Mean One, Mary Sue

You're a mean one, Mary Sue.
You really are a b*tch.
You made Legolas a teenager,
You’ve outdueled Aragorn,
Mary Sue.

You're so damn perfect that
You give me a twitch.

You're a monster, Mary Sue.
You’ve screwed the Canon up.
Your brain is nonexistent,
And you scream of Sparklipoo,
Mary Sue.

You can’t even touch Canon with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're a vile one, Mary Sue.
You employ much urple prose.
You have all the sappy sweetness
of a giant sugar pill,
Mary Sue.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the giant sugar pill.

You're a foul one, Mary Sue.
You're a nasty, wasty slut.
You’ve messed up the numerology,
And you’ve bedded many males,
Mary Sue.

The three words that best describe your fic are as follows, and I quote:
"Stink. Stank. Stunk."

You're a harlot, Mary Sue.
You're the queen of badfic plots.
You’re a walking plothole factory,
using Deus-ex-machina,
Mary Sue.

Your fic is an apalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mary Sue.
With a nauseous super-naus.
I’ve now run out of my Bleeprin
Reading ‘bout your sparkly horse.
Mary Sue.

You're a physically over-perfect Canon mangler
With glittery blood.

Um...yeah. Hope you like it.

This ought to be singable. I hope so, cos I tried to make it so!

On my first day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
A Faun in a Peter Pevensie.

On my second day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie.

On my third day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my fourth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my fifth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my sixth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my seventh day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my eighth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Eight pregnant Rincewinds
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my ninth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Nine Bonds a-frotting
Eight pregnant Rincewinds
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my tenth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Ten Doctors shagging
Nine Bonds a-frotting
Eight pregnant Rincewinds
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my eleventh day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Eleven beaten Angels
Ten Doctors shagging
Nine Bonds a-frotting
Eight pregnant Rincewinds
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my twelth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Twelve holiday fluff-fics
Eleven beaten Angels
Ten Doctors shagging
Nine Bonds a-frotting
Eight pregnant Rincewinds
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

... and then I snapped.

-grin- Originally O Come, All Ye Faithful. I rather like it, though there really aren't enough verbs ending in the -ore sound that have two syllables. -sigh-

Now I just need to figure out how to not sing this around people who know nothing of the PPC. I'll get some very strange looks.


O come, all ye Agents,
Gleeful and psychotic,
O come ye, O come ye to Rivendell.
Come and behold her, born the Queen of Arda;
O come, let us adore her,
O come, let us ignore her,
O come, let us deplore her,
Mary the Sue.

O charge, dear Assassins,
Charge in exultation,
Charge her that tramples on Tolkien’s holy word.
Give to the guilty no trial or quarter;
O come, let us adore her,
O come, let us ignore her,
O come, let us deplore her,
Mary the Sue.

Lo! see the Balrog,
Durin’s Bane approaches,
O Sue! stand and greet thy doom; do not dare to run.
Hail to the canon, now slowly restoring;
O come, let us adore her,
O come, let us ignore her,
O come, let us deplore her,
Mary the Sue.


Please to not be remarking on the punctuation. >.> Punctuating songs is not my favorite thing in the history of ever.

Agent Madison Stephanie O'Grady sings "Why it Got so Hot in The Disentangler's TARDIS Back in May".

On my first day interning, the Suethors messed up with
A Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my second day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my third day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my fourth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my fifth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my sixth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my seventh day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my eighth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Eight Twi'leks on Earth
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my ninth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Nine Starfleet Hobbits
Eight Twi'leks on Earth
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my tenth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Ten kids of Sauron
Nine Starfleet Hobbits
Eight Twi'leks on Earth
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my eleventh day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Eleven fangirl Kirk!Sues
Ten kids of Sauron
Nine Starfleet Hobbits
Eight Twi'leks on Earth
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my twelfth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Twelve Narnia 'cest fics
Eleven fangirl Kirk!Sues
Ten kids of Sauron
Nine Starfleet Hobbits
Eight Twi'leks on Earth
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

*cue pyrotechnics*

What teen is this, whom Suethor wrote,
On Legolas' lap is weeping?
Whom hobbits greet with anthems sweet
While Agents watch are keeping?

This, this is a Mary-Sue
Whom hobbits love and elf-boys woo
Haste, haste to kill her now
This monster, this Sue called Mary

Why lie she in fair Rivendel
Where Council now is meeting?
Good fandom, fear, the Sue is near
She's messed up all the seating.

Sword, bow will pierce her through
The PPC will slay the Sue.
Hail, hail the Agents bold
They've killed this Sue called Mary

So bring them bleeprin and a towel
To wipe off all the glitter
Let no Sues sing in Lord of Rings
If she comes, we will hit her.

Raise, raise a cheer for you
Let joy ring over all HQ
Joy, joy, the Sue is dead
That dreadful Sue called Mary.

On the first Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
A Suethor in a Whomping Willow Tree.

On the second Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Two Transdimensional Pocket Knives
(Refrain)

On the third Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Three 'Sues asinging
(Refrain)

On the fourth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Four Minis abegging
(Refrain)

On the fifth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Five One Rings,
(Refrain)

On the sixth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Six Agents atwitching
(Refrain)

On the seventh Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Seven bottles of Bleeprin
(Refrain)

On the eighth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Eight Pages of That Series,
(Refrain)

On the ninth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
'Naturally Nine' from Elrond
(Refrain)

On the tenth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Ten Tubes of Dubious Lube
(Refrain)

On the eleventh Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Elevent Self-Inserts
(Refrain)

On the twelfth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Twelve nm&nms, eleven self-inserts, ten tubes of Dubious Lube, 'Naturally Nine' from Elrond, eight pages from That Series, seven bottles of Bleeprin, six Agents atwitching, five One Rings, four Minis abegging, three 'Sues asinging and a Suethor in a Whomping Willow Tree!


That's all I got. Feel free to add or subtract stuff from this guys! And a safe and happy Wintertime for you Boarders in the Northern Hemisphere (And muchly ice and coldness for those in the Southern).

With recordingy things? As soon as I have a functioning computer, that is? *Bounce?*

*Will also probably write something*

Should there be a wiki page for these...?

I think I'll try to do a Hanukkah song. We'll see how much time I have.

~Zoe~

Maybe I'll try it. Could be interesting, yes it could my precious.