Bwahaha.

Haloverse PPCs by Ugolino on 2008-12-04 19:07:00 UTC Reply

I can't find any. Has anyone done a Haloverse mission? The fanfiction.net category has more self-inserts, Stus and extra Spartans than any other section I've seen...

a Star Wars badfic by Ugolino on 2008-12-05 17:56:00 UTC Reply

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4662735/1/TheScarletttales

If it's been marked AU, do we let them off the hook?

Short answer: no by Ansela on 2008-12-05 18:41:00 UTC Reply

Long answer: the inability to capitalise, the blatant Sue, the lack of punctuation, the constant bold text and the severe OOCness provide more than enough charges just in the bit of the first chapter I read.

Ooh, a mini. How hard is it to spell Chewie, seriously?

Re: Short answer: no by Ugolino on 2008-12-05 18:53:00 UTC Reply

How cute! Mini rancor. Still, I'm trying to show mercy.

More mini-Rancors. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-06 08:09:00 UTC Reply

"wookie", "aldrain", and "Rrtoo". The thing about the second one is that she says she doesn't know how to spell Leia's "homeplant", but spells it right two lines down. But seriously, is it that hard to do research? Or spell "Artoo", for that matter?

Nope. by JulyFlame on 2008-12-04 19:20:00 UTC Reply

There are no missions so far done in Halo.

Been considering to do one, though.

Re: Nope. by Ugolino on 2008-12-04 19:52:00 UTC Reply

Meh, I have one reserved.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4505478/1/Kyle_091

Stu the Spartan, aka Kyle-091, is a self-insert who miraculously saves half a dozen canon characters from dying, warps the plot out of recognition, steals most of the memorable lines from their owners, and gets a fraking Spartan pregnant. Of course, he had to pick Kelly. Adding to the fun, the author seems to have a broken caps lock key and can't even plagiarize the book properly.

It's the little things that really tick me off, though. For example, the meaning of the middle finger has apparently been forgotten in "the general"'s warped little Haloverse, despite CANON evidence to the contrary. Did I mention he survives after the Gravemind's been trying to infect him for an hour?

The good general's even spawned two more Kyle fics....

asdfghjkl by Ansela on 2008-12-04 21:09:00 UTC Reply

Bwuh? What? That's just...

Kill it Ugolino, once you have Permission, with much pain. I've only played the first game and have yet to read Contact Harvest, but two chapters of that drivel alone are enough to tell that you have a first grade Marty Stu there.

Holy shit, I just read a bit further. They make him a Spartan? What happened to the whole kidnapping at age six, physical, mental and intellectual training until age fourteen and even then there's less than fifty percent chance of surviving the augmentation procedure part of the SPARTAN process? The author's obviously read the books, he knows this, why does he still do it?

Re: asdfghjkl by Ugolino on 2008-12-04 21:14:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, that's the sad bit. The guy knows his stuff. Pity he decides to screw it over. Hm...death by exploding "CAD-grenade" sounds about right.

Possible target by Ugolino on 2008-12-04 20:27:00 UTC Reply

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4252270/8/AFightAlone

Charges:
Stupid name
Surviving without any armour whatsoever despite getting into firefights. Elites and Hunters have better aim than that, and even a grazing hit would be severe due to her completely unarmoured state.
Disobeying orders from a superior officer and getting away with it.
Suevian attitude.

Thoughts?

You forgot a possible charge, and I have more badfic. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-05 10:54:00 UTC Reply

Aranox doesn't seem to be an actual Haloverse planet. I'd suggest glassing it while yelling out the charge list into a giant speaker.

Oh, and http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4673294/1/TwinSpartans

The UnCanon, it burns... 14-year-old twins who become Spartans. The worst part? They're apparently born with the qualities of the Spartans. Yes, that's right. They have the exact same augmentations through natural means. Blatant Stuism, and absolutely horrible biology. Do me a favor and poke around until you find the coordinates for the Cut Content, then feed 'em to the Flood Juggernaut.

Another one: <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4444991/1/DreamCatcher">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4444991/1/Dream_Catcher

Horrible grammar. The Elite in the first chapter (which was uploaded twice, by the way) says “c'mon dun be like dat". Yes, that was a copypasted quote. Extra Spartan Mary-Sue, as there was no Maya-101 in canon. The author names the Arbiter Lazaro. Stupid, because she made an effort to make her own profile name sound like valid Sangheili. Oh, and he's completely OOC. You could drop her off the tallest point in High Charity, that would be fun...

Re: You forgot a possible charge, and I have more badfic. by Ugolino on 2008-12-05 14:41:00 UTC Reply

Good idea. Adding to the irony, I plan to recruit the bit Elite who rescues Kyle, as well as the rest of his crew. Their CCS cruiser could do the job. Hmm...wonder if I can pull off a "your sues shall burn until they are naught but glass" speech...

Juggernaught seems good, although it's a bit quick for that..heresy.

As for the High Charity, they'd probably survive due to a combination of gel layers, Elite resistance to fall damage, and Suevian ability. Now, if we were to attach them to the Forerunner Key Ship's engines...

Bwahaha. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-05 16:06:00 UTC Reply

Death by Keyship sounds fun, and the pre-glassing speech sounds like it would make a great addition. For the twins, maybe they could be knocked out and thrown to the Keelbugs? (Cut content; a Covenant race that floats around cutting corpses into pieces and taking them away for disposal) That, or the Covenant Stalkers (Also cut content; they sneak up to enemies and shred them, and look a bit like Zerglings. The idea behind them was moved to the much weaker and less aggressive Pure Flood Stalker Form.)

I was considering tying them to Regret's ship during the New Mombasa Slipspace jump, but there is a high chance of them disappearing through a plothole - Slipspace can make people inexplicably disappear.

Re: Bwahaha. by Ugolino on 2008-12-05 17:24:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, but I was thinking about a more...canon disposal method. Sues would probably act like the crystal from First Strike: they'd screw the Slipspace up badly enough to distort canon events. Besides, if you don't see the body...

That's why I scrapped the Slipspace idea. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-06 08:29:00 UTC Reply

Now I'm out of interesting-sounding established-canon Haloverse kills, besides NOVA bomb and very, very large amounts of needler spikes. There just aren't enough good non-Flood monsters in the Halo continuum; the deadliest ones, like the Stalker and the Drinol, were cut. Scarab gun is too fast for a killing... Maybe they could eat Grunt food until they died? That stuff is positively foul. That, or the needlers.