Thanks. We do seem to be collecting babies, don't we?

Subject: Thanks. We do seem to be collecting babies, don't we?
Author: Laburnum
Posted on: 2008-11-09 00:31:00 UTC

Marsha, Moses and Molly, Spencer Black, this one, then eventually the creepy little buggers from the Naruto fic ... (I think when we get round to that last one I shall name the kitten Pompom. Gender-neutral because it's a hermaphrodite, suitably cutesy, and "Uzumaki Pompom" is a great name.)

Not sure what to do with this foetus, because it's only been developing for a couple of days, and all it's done is be cause for sad attempts at angst and a pro-life rant from the author.

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Removing Sue-baby, nowhere to put it. by Laburnum on 2008-11-08 10:55:00 UTC Reply

In a fic I'm sporking at the moment, Ron Weasley is turned into a girl and impregnated. We can use the Embryo Extraction Kit to take it out before we turn him back, but where do we put it afterwards? The fic has also turned the agents killing it into the opposite gender, so only one of them now has a uterus, and as soon as "she" leaves the fic he'll go back to being male. Should we take it out after they turn back? Does Doc Fitz have a tube or something to incubate it in?

Once you get that squared away... by Lily Winterwood on 2008-11-09 05:45:00 UTC Reply

Maybe this should be that "disconnected" mission for the DMSE&R...send that baby to us!

Huh? by Ansela on 2008-11-09 06:54:00 UTC Reply

For non-lethal testing hopefully. Most babies are raised to be non-Suvian and future Agents.

'Course not. by Lily Winterwood on 2008-11-09 18:35:00 UTC Reply

We can compare embryos and see whether Suvian babies and human babies are alike.
Re: Huh? by kgarrett on 2008-11-09 09:07:00 UTC Reply

Not only that, but I'm pretty sure the PPC does not condone killing infants. We kill Sues, yeah, but killing babies is just abhorrent. Considering we raise them to not be Sues and as future agents (ever wonder why the daycare's referred to as "agent training"? :P), that's even more reason for non-lethal tests.

lethal testing would be pointless anyway by Pads on 2008-11-09 15:29:00 UTC Reply

After all, there aren't that many Suvian babies about. If they all were tested to death, you'd rapidly run out of test subjects.

We do kill Sue children though. Have there been any actual Sue babies, as opposed to the children of Sues, and if so, what happened to them?

Mariel's potential kid in TS wasn't born, but it may count. by Laburnum on 2008-11-10 16:56:00 UTC Reply

It got spontaneously aborted in a rather unpleasant manner because of the location of the plothole containing the real Mariel. Yes, it was where you're thinking it was. Fitting for such a gross story, but not at all fun for the agents to watch.

weeeell by The Trojanhorse on 2008-11-08 22:49:00 UTC Reply

In Trojie and Pads' Mpreg mission/s (there's at least one unreleased), it's implied that the Medical dept. have tube kind of environments for babies that have no receptive uteri nearby.

Re: weeeell by kgarrett on 2008-11-09 00:32:00 UTC Reply

So pretty much the prenatal pods Arctic mentioned?

that sort of thing, yeah by The Trojanhorse on 2008-11-09 06:58:00 UTC Reply

I'm not sure if their structure and functions have been explicitly stated in any mission. It will need a blood supply and a nutrient feed at the very least.

Hmm, maybe I should bend my brain to working out what one of these pods would be like?

Re: that sort of thing, yeah by kgarrett on 2008-11-09 09:05:00 UTC Reply

No, it hasn't been explicitly stated I don't think, just alluded to. Bend your brain if you want, but I think the rest of us just assume it works and leave it at that. Could be cool though. :P

Thanks. We do seem to be collecting babies, don't we? by Laburnum on 2008-11-09 00:31:00 UTC Reply

Marsha, Moses and Molly, Spencer Black, this one, then eventually the creepy little buggers from the Naruto fic ... (I think when we get round to that last one I shall name the kitten Pompom. Gender-neutral because it's a hermaphrodite, suitably cutesy, and "Uzumaki Pompom" is a great name.)

Not sure what to do with this foetus, because it's only been developing for a couple of days, and all it's done is be cause for sad attempts at angst and a pro-life rant from the author.

all you need to do is hand it over to the Nursery, I guess by The Trojanhorse on 2008-11-09 06:57:00 UTC Reply

They'll take care of it :)
only two days? by Pads on 2008-11-09 04:06:00 UTC Reply

Are we talking only two days since conception here? Because, first, how the hell does the thing's mother know after two days? Or is this another Sueper power? And second, that's not a foetus. Is that even a zygote yet? Whatever the technical name, if it's only two days since conception, your agents aren't even going to be able to see, with the naked eye, whether it's in whatever tube they decide to put it in.

I suppose spiking the mother's drink with the morning after pill is out of the question?

Magic, in the non-sarcastic sense of the word. by Laburnum on 2008-11-09 11:24:00 UTC Reply

Ron was, for various ridiculous and unexplained reasons, turned into a girl and transported to a weird alternate dimension which looks sort of like The Arabian Nights except everyone has Japanese names, ended up posing as a handmaiden to the Princess Sue, and was randomly raped by a guard (see, that's why guards in Real World harems were eunuchs). Doctor employed by the Princess heals "her" up and casts a spell to see if "she's" pregnant ... so actually it's a couple of hours, not a couple of days. Should sperm even have met egg yet? But then the story goes on for a couple more days, so it'll be implanted and such by the end.

(Then Ron's quite understandable fright is literally handwaved by the Princess saying "oh, women get emotional when they're pregnant!", thus making me want to go on a homicidal rampage, and the characters are used as mouthpieces for an anti-abortion rant. And it turns out that Draco doesn't know what abortion is - I really doubt the wizarding world would be totally ignorant of that concept ... hehe, "concept", excuse pun. See why I want this fic to die?)

that sounds... special by Pads on 2008-11-09 15:25:00 UTC Reply

You'd be best off checking with one of our resident biologists to see if sperm would have met egg after two hours, but I suspect not.

I would be interested to know how this spell to see if transgender!Ron is up the duff works. Again, we must turn to the biologists, but two hours after intercourse has taken place, there aren't really going to be any chemical or physical or hormonal differences in the body to detect. So unless this spell is basically a powerful microscope crowbarred into transgender!Ron's newly deflowered lady bits... You know what, I'm not even going to finish that sentence. The mental images are getting too weird.

If the author's using this fic to broadcast her anti-abortion stance, then I'm leaning even more towards the spiking option. However, there's an easier option. A ridiculously high proportion of pregnancies spontaneously abort, for a variety of reasons. I'll bet the mother changing gender would be a good enough reason.

Can we have a link to this trainwreck of a fic?

I don't think it says how it works. by Laburnum on 2008-11-09 15:57:00 UTC Reply

http://community.livejournal.com/wtffanfiction/23185.html has a link to the fic and the Pottersues report.

I kind of wanted to save the embryo so we can have a scene where Girl!Stormsong throws a fit when they ask to implant it into "her". The anti-abortion bit was only a few sentences, but it was annoying beyond belief even so.

ack by Pads on 2008-11-09 16:35:00 UTC Reply

I see there's an "advanced growth process" in whatever the hell dimension they're in. This advanced growth process has, by the author's admission, two weeks of foetal development packed into two hours. So we're talking, what, forty hours' gestation? He's going to have horrendous stretch marks.

So he might be ready to give birth by the time we exorcise? by Laburnum on 2008-11-09 23:06:00 UTC Reply

It's not clear how far along he is by the end of the fic so far. It can't be more than a couple of days, but at that rate of growth ...

Not really sure what to do with sproglet if we do keep it. We don't even know whether it's a boy or a girl. Just let it disappear into the depths of the Nursery and/or give it up for free use by anyone who wants it?

to the Nursery by Pads on 2008-11-10 00:02:00 UTC Reply

That's where all babies end up. Even claimed ones. (Spencer's certainly not going to be looked after in RC#45.) They'll look after it alright, whatever it is.

And yes, he'd be about to pop by the end of it. You might even be able to have him give birth as a woman before sending him back, as it'd be easier than an impromptu caesarian. And pray to Glod reverting to male deals with the stretchmarks.

Excellent. by Laburnum on 2008-11-10 00:51:00 UTC Reply

Dunno if life as a healer for a nomadic gang of vermin leaves one with many midwifery skills, but Stormsong would probably know enough to get by if Doc Fitz doesn't get there for whatever reason.

It's an embryo. by Sedri on 2008-11-09 05:06:00 UTC Reply

Could be called a zygote, but you'd already have cell division after two days. It's an embryo up until the seventh or eighth week, at which point we call it a foetus.

I'd say spike the drink.

that's the bunny by Pads on 2008-11-09 15:16:00 UTC Reply

I knew there was another word, it was just hiding and refusing to let my brain access it. Thank you!

Welcome! *likes being useful* (nm) by Sedri on 2008-11-09 21:24:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, but at least it gives the nursery something to do. by kgarrett on 2008-11-09 00:36:00 UTC Reply

Well, at least whatever use we find for it will be better than the author's. :P

Surely Medical would have prenatal pods by now. by Artic Blade on 2008-11-08 14:03:00 UTC Reply

Or something similar. Maybe that pod thing used in Kyle XY to house him during his development?

Makes sense. by kgarrett on 2008-11-08 17:41:00 UTC Reply

I think I've heard something about that mentioned on the wiki, especially since embryos extracted by the kit and put in the nursery would have to be born somehow. It's a logical answer to the problem of not having a readily available surrogate mother, at least until one is found. I mean, in that kind of situation it's a choice between something like that or letting the embryo die, almost.