Actually, I have seen a few goodfics there, which I really enjoyed. Both oneshots, but beautifully written.

Ah, goodfic... *wistful sigh*

But, this, well... The person claims that HDM is her favorite series ever, but then proceeds to bugger everything up.

Now, I have no problem with aspiring writers who may have a lot of trouble with plot, grammar, or formatting.

But if you don't bother to study or ask questions where you need help, nor learn important facts about the book you write fic for... I have no sympathy.

I must also write down one particular thing which is bothering me about this fic thus far:
Premise: Will and Lyra have got married and had a child. (Oh, yay! Totally ruining the point of the bittersweet ending! Ye gods... )
Now, they're living in Will's world, and the daughter has no idea that she has a dæmon- her parents kept him from her until he settled (as a cat), and she doesn't understand why they won't let anyone touch him, etc. She thinks he's just her pet cat.

On the plus side, the girl has always felt something missing, but that's the only positive.

Need I say that Will would never do this? He is fascinated by dæmons, as we know, and Lyra would never let him do something so cruel to their own child.
And I think, personally, that the author is really underestimating the power of the connection- which can, after all, break open gates between worlds, as Roger proved. If they haven't been severed, being kept apart until adolescence would be devastating, potentially fatal, to both. She wouldn't just feel sad sometimes.
Why are they hiding this from her, anyway? *controls urge to burn things*

The author has also totally steamrollered over Pullman's name significance- Lyra's daughter is "Lylee."
Lyra happens to be a constellation. D:

Oh, and correct me if I'm wrong, but have panserbjørne ever been referred to as "ice bears" rather than the proper "armoured bears?" Because Suethor did that, too.

...You know, this fic is probably going to be how the still-resentful Teek and Crebaina finally bond. Because Crebaina's mental and emotional state is not going to hold up well.