Subject: That was an interesting read.
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Posted on: 2014-08-07 13:15:00 UTC

I like how you handled the 'canon' nature of the Boorman script, and the reaction of the agents when they realised that they couldn't technically do anything about it.

Rile X finding out that he'd volunteered for the mission was very amusing, especially considering what Kyaris says later on (and him very wisely keeping quiet).

I like the exorcism scene, especially that it didn't work right the first time. Out of interest, the memory capsules that Mortic tried using at first, is this the first time they've appeared? I don't recall reading about them before. Quoting a canon character's description at them to try and get them back in character seems like a very good way of doing things.

There were some particularly good lines in there, my favourite line from the whole thing is definitely '“Well done, you can understand simple statements,” Kyaris said. “Here’s another one: don’t touch anything.' (It's that last bit that makes it such a good line, for me).

Just one minor comment about SPaG - those pesky dash followed by a speech marks are causing trouble again. While they should be closing speech marks, they're opening marks instead.

With regards to the mission pins, why does Mortic look for one for both of them? I thought they were just used for indicating that an agent had been temporarily seconded to work with another Department, so I can see Rile receives the WhatThe pin, but not why Mortic would be looking for the DAVD one for himself.

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