Subject: And now Suemionie
Author:
Posted on: 2014-07-25 21:35:00 UTC

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10304298/1/What-the-Heart-Wants

And here, we have an excellent example of a Mary Sue masquerading as Hermione. Or, I'm sorry, 'Hermionie,' who has, true to form, changed a lot over the summer. Anything describing Hermione's hair as 'sexy ringlets' is bad, right? Especially if Hermione's doing the describing, in the first person. Also either OOC or replaced Draco, as he's happy that his father got the Dementor's Kiss. Also, it's rated M on the Pit, as a warning.

Other than that, in the way of problems, there's a lot of gratuitous capitalization and OOC canons, tense changes--really really bad tense changes--lack of proper punctuation (I think the author has something against question marks and commas), Ron-bashing, creation of uncanonical locations (ie the Head Boy/Girl Common Room with only one bathroom), bad spelling, making Hermione a total Sue, changing the Hogwarts uniform, lack of consistency regarding the Hogwarts uniform...this is from four out of eleven chapters. I doubt it gets better.

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