I really couldn't get into your writing sample at all. It feels like it's going through the motions without any interest or emotion, a marionette show rather than a story. It's relatively sound from a technical perspective, but there's far more to writing than crossing all your 'T's and dotting all your 'I's.

I have no sense of who your characters are, what makes them tick, or what they like or dislike. I don't even have any sense that the organization in the recruitment story is the PPC - beyond the explanation that Agent Lowe gives, it feels nothing like the PPC. An interrogation room? A human in a suit? The line about Fisher being "made to be a cafeteria worker"? This is not what the PPC feels like.

Secondly, your behavior has been uninspiring. You rushed into your first permission request - which, in all fairness, happens a lot - but even your reply there showed no indication that you recognized what had gone wrong. I quote: "I suppose that it is professional to send a standard rejection notice when a manuscript has been chewed up by the post office" - a third-person-passive response that accepts no responsibility.

This permission request seems to have the exact same problem - rather than take the time to put together an organized request, you just dumped a link to a gdocs folder. This shows an active lack of respect for the PGs and process, and I would like to take this excellent opportunity to remind you that the PGs are both doing this in their spare time and are some of the more respected members of the community. Demonstrating that you don't respect people that the community tends to respect really doesn't do much to argue in your favor. (For that matter, your inability to get along with Neshomeh, who is one of the nicer PGs, is a significant point against you.)

And then there's this thread. You made a mistake, certainly - just about everyone has. However, you then doubled down and tried to defend what you had said, rather than admit that you had made a mistake.

On those two considerations, I'm going to have to deny permission.

Finally, there is this thread and its fallout. Your exchanges with Neshomeh, VM, and Ekyl were irrational, bordering on incoherent, and completely out of line with what is expected of you on this forum. Furthermore, you have demonstrated no willingness to accept any responsibility for what happened. Your first "apology" message is nothing more than a list of excuses - it contains neither acknowledgement that you were out of line nor a single mention of the people you attacked. (For comparison's sake, you mentioned yourself in it no less than sixteen times.) Your behavior in the last two days would, on its own, be grounds for denial of permission.

The interrogation room was similar to its counterpart seen on many cop shows. It was a box with a

single door, the entirety paneled in generic surface. On one wall, where a large two­way mirror

should be, were instead a series of tiny windows that did not try to disguise the darkened room

beyond. A large table with a bar affixed to its surface stood between two pairs of chairs that were

bolted to the floor.

A female humanoid with dark hair and pale skin was chained the table's bar. She perched on the

edge of the chair so that the manacles didn't dig into her wrists. She shot to her feet and bared her

fangs as the door opened, but the chains prevented her from going anywhere. She seemed

embarrassed as she sat again and tried to arrange herself for the least discomfort.

A bipedal bull in a black uniform entered, followed by a bearded man in a business jacket.

“Hello, I'm Agent Phillip Lowe,” the man said. “I'm sorry about the wait. There was a slight

paperwork issue, but we've got it sorted out now.”

“I have the right to legal counsel. I am an American citizen,” the prisoner argued.

“Unfortunately we are not part of any country, and your rights are limited. The good news is that

I'm in charge of reviewing your situation. If you are open and honest with me, we should be able

to find the best outcome for you.” He gave her a broad smile.

He didn't mention that they had already determined that she wasn't really a person, according to a

record­search of World One. This time it was merely a formality, thanks to her author's self­insert

avatar. Lowe's job was to judge if she was a redeemable character or should be disposed of as a

Mary­Sue.

She glowered. “The woman who brought me here said that she would take me with her, but she

neglected to mention that it would be to a jail.”

“We'll get to that eventually. This temporary holding area is for your safety as well as ours. Don't

worry, leaving that world willingly is a point in your favor,” he said, flipping through the folder

and scribbling a note.

Lowe pulled out his CAD. The agents had been using an analog CAD for that mission, so their

recorded reading was a non­standard “needled out and broke.” Even if they had been using a

model that he was familiar with, he preferred to trust his own readings. Hiding his trepidation, he

pointed his CAD at the prisoner. [Samantha, female vampire, original character, 20% non-
canonical.] Lowe frowned and scribbled his finding in the relevant margin.

He flipped back to the first page of the file to remind himself of the important details. The

summary read: standard “sucked into known media” plot, class five reality disruption that

stabilized quickly, naturalization occurred, but in a non­canonical AU.

“Well, we have the agents' report, but we are interested in your point of view. Keep in mind that

this discussion is a small part of our process.” Lowe flipped to the second page, smiled, and said,

“Let's begin at the beginning. Tell me about how you arrived in that world.”

It was a moment before Samantha spoke. “I remember not knowing how came to arrive in Janos'

home. I am unsure if it was because I felt sorry for him and made a bad wish, or if that is how I

justified it afterward.” She paused. “When I arrived there, I only had a moment to think. I

recognized where I was, but did not have time to consider the repercussions before I acted.”

Lowe made a mental note to ask about the repercussions later. “And then what happened?”

“Thanks to me, Janos survived what was supposed to be his death, and the Sarafan took me to their

stronghold. I lost consciousness when they were torturing me, and when I woke up, Kain had

rescued me. I hoped that by helping him, I would be allowed to return home.”

“Why did Kain help you, and why did you focus on him?”

“Kain said that something drew him to me. I believe that he could sense whatever was allowing

me to defy the temporal laws of his world. He would have used my strange influence whether I

was willing or not. I was fortunate that he did not hurt me when he learned that I had knowledge

and refused to share it immediately.”

“You said that helping Kain might take you home?” Lowe prompted.

“It is his game, well, also Raziel's. Kain is where the story began, but he was also standing at the

end. The fate of Nosgoth rests on him.”

Lowe scribbled a note about “helping the hero” in the file and said. “You mentioned something

about breaking the rules of that world.”

“There are two forces in that world. Destiny dictates the important events in their lives, and there

is almost nothing they can do to escape it. History will prevent a time­traveler from altering

significant events.” Samantha clenched her fists. “I should not have been able to save Janos

Audron. There were too many events that were tied to his death.”

Lowe gave her a moment as he turned to another section of the file. “It says that you kept

influencing the main characters even after that.”

“The damage had been done, and the consequences would have been far worse if I had said

nothing. I could only convince them to follow the path that they would have taken without my

interference. I am glad that Raziel did not learn the truth of his Destiny from me, but there are

events that would have been difficult. I eventually would have been responsible for my own sire's

murder.”

He noticed how much angst­fuel Samantha had, and wondered how much therapy it would require

to make her well­adjusted. “It says that you asked to be made into a vampire.”

“I would not have chosen the dark gift if I were not dying. All souls are consumed by a horrible

creature and I was desperate to avoid that fate.”

Lowe decided that he couldn't stand much more. He decided not to ask about a tragic childhood

because her present was depressing enough. The file indicated that she had even suffered an

existential crisis about being a vampire. “Let's talk about what you did when the agents read your

charges.”

“I fear I that got distracted when they mentioned 'trans­dimensional.' I imagine that I interrupted

them when I demanded to know if they were responsible for my predicament,” Samantha

admitted. “I should have been more wary. They wanted to remove me from Nosgoth, and I

happily followed them when they assured me that the original time­line would reassert itself once I

was away. Was this the case?”

“Don't worry, restoring canonical time­lines is the primary mission of the PPC,” Lowe assured

her. “Reading the charge list is more of a formality, but I have a copy right here if you are

curious.”

At her nod, Lowe flipped to the appropriate page and began reading. “Being a Self­Insert and

causing a Class 5 reality dysfunction, having such a high Sue reading that it broke the CAD,

creating an alternate universe, causing main characters to care about and fight over you, causing

main characters to have rule­breaking powers, asking to become a vampire, having an important

vampire change you, having angst about having to drink blood, having angst in general, posing as

an oracle, using time­travel to create a deus­ex­machina, having main characters confide in you

above other canon characters, causing a character's girlfriend to cease existing, and telling a main

character about said girlfriend to instigate romantic feelings but pretending not to be interested.”

Samantha's nails dragged on the table, producing an unpleasant screech. “I certainly was not

interested in Kain! He is a monster, and preventing his doomed romance had very little to do with

my intentions.” She composed herself. “There were times that I regretted interfering, and I

sometimes did question my choice to become a vampire. Of the rest that I understand from that

list, there are things for which I could not be held accountable.”

For the first time, Lowe stopped smiling. “We determined that the charges stand, and the only

thing left is decide what to do with you. We can't remove your vampirism, so we can't send you to

any place other than Nosgoth. But if the rules of that world don't apply to you even after we

remove your memories, we will simply have to dispose of you.”

Samantha snarled as she stood, but she only bruised her wrists on her restraints again. She

breathed heavily as she stared at Lowe in anger. “I do not wish to die. However, it is preferable to

die here than to be sent back to Nosgoth, even if I become ignorant of what will happen when the

inevitable comes.”

“There is one more possibility. We at at PPC are always recruiting new agents; people who go

into other worlds and remove intruders. The hours are long, the pay is nonexistent, and in my

opinion you would go flamethrower­crazy in less than a year. But I could ignore my better

judgment and forward your file to the Marquis de Sod. There's no guarantee that you'll be

accepted, but it may be worth a shot.”

Samantha was silent for a moment, then made a sound between a cough and a laugh. “Yet another

choiceless choice. By all means, send my file. It would not do to refuse this opportunity.”

This is from a deliberately bad meta­story where the canon characters know that a crazy fangirl

runs the world with inconsistently godlike powers. What they don't realize is that she's affected

their minds so that they are happier and more maliable.

Stats:
Name: Lawrence Fisher (Larry)
Age, Sex, Species: 32 years, male, human
Home Continuum: 21st century Earth, unknown origin
RC, Department, Partner: RC 387, Floaters, Samantha

Appearance: Chubby-muscular. 5’10, Sandy-blond hair a couple inches long, medium skin tone, medium brown eyes.

Character Reference: Joey from Full House.

He’s eager. Not intellectual, but also not stupid. He tends to reference TV tropes when talking about something. (Note: make him say an entire sentence that is hard to understand unless the person knows tropes, and then make him repeat it in more layman’s language.)

Larry is a fan of anime, good animation, Sci-Fi, kid-friendly movies, and fun movies with a lot of special effects. He tends to be excited about missions if they don’t look too horrible at first glance. He likes meeting canon characters and helping them get back into canon before neuralysing them.

(Animation: Batman, Spiderman, Avatar, Gargoyles, Green Lantern, etc. Anime: both versions of Full Metal Alchemist, Pumpkin Scissors, Aquarion. Movies: most of the Pixar and Dreamworks, Transformers, First Knight, Men in Black, both versions of The Time Machine.)

(Find an excuse for him to watch Puella Magi Madoka Magica and Haibane Renmei. Also watch Sword Art Online, Hellsing, and Attack on Titan to see if I can learn the universes well enough to add them to his interests.)

He came from a “real” world through a plothole, but no one knows which world it was. (He’s a muggle from an American Harry Potter ripoff. Or he’s a muggle from Skin Deep.)

He has an academic interest in medieval weapons and how well fantasy weapons would work. (Watch Cloud’s buster sword in real life videos.)

He was shown how to use a handgun during his PPC training. This makes him handy with a tranquilizer pistol, but he needs to hit his partner at least once. (Samantha’s flesh necrotizes around the impact site quickly, and she doesn’t go unconscious. She recovers with application of the whatsit.)

Larry is afraid of spiders for no good reason.

What department would get him used to the PPC, but still make him long for the excitement of actually going into the Word Worlds? Was he a dissatisfied Intelligence Agent, or was he made to be a Cafeteria worker for several months before training to kill Sues?

AMSCES? Don't you mean ACMSES? (Anti-Cliche and Mary Sue Elimination Society) Why would that require a name change?

The second permission prompt for Kimberley and Hue seems a little short. Try adding more detail. (Samantha and Larry's second one is still missing.) I like the ones you have up, though, especially the one where Samantha and Larry get hooked on Madoka Magica.

I'll repeat what I said earlier--you're very good at building character backstories. A potential agent from Rainbow Brite is interesting as well. Remind me, what role does Elizabeth have in all this? Creating multiple characters makes them a little confusing to us.

Stats:
Name: Samantha Frankson
Age, Sex, Species: Female, 23 years as a human, plus about 450 as a Nosgoth second-generation vampire
Home Continuum: Her childhood memories are from a “real” 21st century Earth, but she’s lived in Nosgoth for most of her life
RC, Department, Partner: RC 387, Floaters, (focuses on the Legacy of Kain continuum between her partner’s interests,) partnered with Lawrence Fisher.

Appearance: Petite, about 5-foot 4-inches. Black hair to mid-shoulderblades, pale skin tone, yellow eyes, pointed ears, dark lips, and fangs. When disguised as her human self, she has curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

View “Vampire strengths and Weaknesses that apply to Samantha” to see the justification for my head-canon vampire template.

Samantha was a twenty-something inhabitant of the “real world” and a fangirl of the Legacy of Kain video game series. She then was sucked into Nosgoth and was a Mary-Sue for the full five minutes it took to realize what was going on and save a main character from dying. Then some flavor of reality kicked in and she had a horrible and miserable week of being a less-than average human in Nosgoth. Then she became sick, had to beg the canon characters not to let her die, and the only way to save her was to turn her into a vampire. She then spends the next 500 years being an ally and adviser to the canon characters.

Her memories and official PPC file show that she was confronted for breaking the universe. She apologized that she didn’t mean it and said that she wanted to be human again and taken home, but also showed concern for the reality she was in since she knew about the damage. (The C-CAD popped before giving a good reading.) The main reason that she wasn’t killed as a Sue was because Despatch took her mission and Legal offered her a choice.

Samantha has some difficulty relating to people, especially young humans. She has an internal thought process that artificially prompts her to treat everyone as a person even if she sees them as walking prey. (She consciously thinks about how she smiles, whether or not she wants to show her fangs.) She is used to being subordinate, so will follow instructions from someone she respects as more-knowledgeable. Samantha has imperfect self-control. She can get angry without showing it, but will occasionally lash out, even if she apologizes for being so blunt immediately after.

Character reference, Florence Ambrose from Freefall. A little bit of McGonagal’s prickly on the outside with even less softness on the inside.

She is competent in defending herself unarmed against pikes and swords. She can somewhat handle a sword. She can kill someone with her bare claws, and needs training in non-lethal unarmed fighting. She is fairly helpless when disguised as a human or anything similar, but will insist on more training after her first mission gets her shot.

She has no self-agency. Things happen to her instead of her making things happen. When she graduated High School, she still didn’t know what she wanted to be when she grew up. Fate had her witness a crime so her attention to detail could be noticed by an investigator who told her he’d hire her if she went through the right training. She said yes. Since then, she’s been presented with choices that had a clearer “right” answer, and has the gall to be angry when the other option is death. It is strange when she expresses a desire to do missions outside of the Legacy of Kain fandom.

She has the ability to memorize well. It is not eidetic, but rather a study and recall habit. This means that she has to notice something and consciously decide to remember it, and she might forget something if it has been a while since she last thought of it. She cannot decide to forget something on command.

She could have been smart, but she is under-educated and never bothered to learn some of the more useful knowledge. There is also a difference between memorizing something and comprehending it. One of the talents she developed was to draw recognizably from memory.

Sometimes she gets OCD-like tendencies, but it never gets bad enough to become a properly diagnosable issue. Usually it doesn’t disturb her when something is out of place, she just notices it and manages to stop thinking about it. Sometimes she will be unable to sleep if she has left something unfinished or starts worrying about the mini-squids escaping.

Because she was trapped in a video game, she has a slight anxiety when something reminds her of that. Not really a weakness because the anxiety is easily manageable. She is also afraid of the Elder God, but that is a sensible extension of being afraid of dying.

I can’t. The problem may be that I may need a Google account, but I’m not sure about this.

HG