Subject: You guys, I think we all owe Peter Jackson a big apology.
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Posted on: 2014-06-13 06:28:00 UTC

Although someone needs to feed a Sue to "the monster lizard Slag the Terrible."

I also love how the narration is all, "This is a story from before mankind was mighty. Now here's a human settlement and here's three human characters."

I actually legitimately like the princess character. (Can't understand her name for the life of me.) "Okay, fine, you guys just sit here bickering, I'mma head back and take my friggin' kingdom back. If we're changing the story this much anyway, I'm throwing some feminism up in here."

So groans are, um. They had one parent a troll, and one parent and Ent? Aaaaaaaaah'm not even bothered by this. I think I've officially read too much fanfiction.

"Magically, the One Ring of Power had found its true bearer." Oh man, you guys, Bilbo was Sauron all along, totally had me fooled, never saw that coming, Professor Tolkien is such a master.

"Hey guys, I got your Arkenstone back. Know what we should do now? We totally need to weaponize this priceless treasure and symbolic family heirloom/national heritage and throw it right back at the monster I just stole it from. Then we just need to fish around inside dragon guts for a week or so while the corpse slowly begins to rot around us, and we'll have your Arkenstone back. Sound like a plan?"

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