Subject: A comment (and no decision).
Author:
Posted on: 2014-05-18 18:51:00 UTC

To tackle those in reverse order: I'm not making a decision because I'm the resident Tolkien geek - as you've probably sussed - and I don't think I can objectively judge Hild. She's just way too far into my 'that's awesome' band. If I were in a decision-making frame of mind, I'd probably say yes - but I'll abdicate that responsibility to someone else.

And the comment: Kaitlyn's pointed out to me that your dialogue is superb, but your narration is virtually non-existent. And she made a suggestion:

Have you considered script format? You're practically writing in it anyway ('Another pause; the two agents continued drinking their Bleepbeers lost in thought' could be stuck into the present tense and square brackets or whatever and need no change at all), and it seems to be suited to your strengths while avoiding your confessed weaknesses/dislikes. And we've never had script-format missions before - the Playscriptes take place entirely in HQ.

There's also the fact that it's the most common format for MSTs and actual MST3K fanfic, which you're very much into - so it could be something of a homage.

And just to demonstrate how close you are to it already, the opening of your Control Prompt:




[A CORRIDOR in PPC HQ. Sean Bellman and Hild are walking towards the Cafeteria. Sean is engaging in his favourite method of distracting himself while navigating HQ - talking to his companion]

Sean: So, you’ve never told me, how did you come to join the PPC?

Hild: Oh, the usual way. I fell through a plothole and landed in one of the corridors.

[Sean grins]

Sean: Only in this place could that be considered ‘the usual way’.

Hild: Well, my plothole was larger than most, if you want something unusual. My author had never actually written my story, and very little was fixed. I didn’t know at the time, of course, but she actually thought she was doing me a favour by keeping it unwritten and flexible.

[Somehow Hild manages to giggle and sigh at the same time]

Hild: Have you ever heard anything so silly?




I didn't have to invent or delete anything; that's how close it is to your existing style. (Of course, the exact formatting of the script would be your decision - this is just an example. But since you're not actually writing a screenplay, it could be as simple as this)

We think it's worth considering. And note how I'm claiming partial ownership of an idea that was entirely my wife's. That's how good an idea I think it is.

hS

Reply Return to messages