Subject: Bad shipping game
Author:
Posted on: 2014-05-10 12:10:00 UTC
Just a bit of fun. Try and think up the worst possible pairs to ship. Only restriction is that they must be pairs who could actually meet (i.e. both be from the same canon and time period). Other than that, no restrictions.
I'll start with:
Oedipus and Antigone.
A cookie for people who know who these charcters are.
He rode to kill a hobbit; she rode out to save one. Her folk came from the West Beyond West; he hailed from the uttermost East. She was the Evenstar of her people; he was a shadow of terror in the night.
He was hunting a Ring.
She was longing for a King.
When Arwen Undómiel and Khamûl the Ringwraith are trapped together after a landslide, what will they find first? Their weapons...
... or each other?
You're welcome!
hS
Mycroft Holmes / Irene Adler.
Prince Hamlet/Claudius sounds like the worst possible thing.
How about Boromir/Elrond? Not the worst, but there's a reason I mention it...
Aragorn/Sauron is pretty messy. Shelob/Sauron even more so, I think.
I've actually seen Bellum/Linebeck and Bellum/Ganondorf fanfic. Make of that what you will.
I also saw a Zelda fic that had Link/every boss from Ocarina of Time. Link/Barinade and Link/Bongo Bongo deserve special mention here.
And Peach/Bowser scares me.
... is that the Koopalings think it's canon. It's things like this that make me like Daisy more.
...is that some people in the Mario fandom do actually ship Peach and Bowser. Hell, I did it once, though it was in the middle of a fic full of soap opera-like shenanigans where almost everyone was totally OOC anyway, so there you go.
But I dunno...
But during the Forever War so that they can say "we're both so pretty now, let's scew!"
Not just crack pairings, since those are normal for Homestuck. Something that really goes above and beyond.
Ah! I've got it! Doc Scratch, and Serenity.
In case the pictures aren't working, which is entirely possible since some devices react to .gifs poorly, that's a space-warping omniscient puppet man with a cue ball for a head paired with a sapient lightning bug. I think that speaks for itself.
I know people like to ship Spy and Sniper, but let's be honest here: he's the Spy. Everyone in TF2 has either enough lunacy, intelligence, of trust issues to know that being unarmed in a room alone with the backstabbing double crosser is not something they want.
...so I'm going to suggest Wrex/Kasumi. Now wouldn't that be a fun ship to try to write? =P
Morinth / Tali.
Then in that case:
Dalatrass Linron/Stephen Hackett
That's a first. I guess that I'll have to retort with...
Saren / Conrad Verner.
Udina/Nassana Dantius
That's a first. I guess that I'll have to retort with...
Saren / Conrad Verner.
Captain America/Spiderman is a [i]terrible[/i] ship in my opinion. Cap won't respect Spidey's abilities as a hero because of his comparative youth (there's plenty of canonical evidence for this), and Spidey's natural response to such behaviour is simply to take the mickey out of whoever's responsible for it. They would Not Get On in a way that even the most ardent shippers'd be hard-pressed to pass off as UST.
Spidey/MCU!Iron Man, now, that I can get behind. Assuming Spiderman ever gets to show up in the MCU, of course...
Unless it's been retconned away, Cap saw Spiderman pound a Herald of Galactus into the pavement. He might think Spidey's too young for this job, but respect for Spidey's abilities? I think it's there.
Back on topic, there are very few people who would survive being shipped with Hulk.
I ain't even sorry, dude. I ain't even sorry.
I don't think Cap's exactly the kind of guy to not respect Spidey based on something like age, especially considering the fact that Bucky was even younger when he was Steve's sidekick. Now, I think the ship is still a bit wonky, but that's more because I tend to think Spidey has immense respect for Cap. I mean, Cap is as big of a legend in-universe as he is in real life. I imagine this would make Cap more of a mentor figure for Spidey than anything else.
Yeah, Bucky was a lot younger than Steve when he was his sidekick. However, Bucky died. Sorta. And eventually became the Winter Soldier. In a way that's only not mind-meltingly stupid in the MCU. If you lose someone like that, when they're as young as that, in a war, when you're Steve Rogers (there's a reason the guy has a shield as his personal symbol)... it's going to affect you and your perception. Lest we forget, Spidey's young. He's, like, in his early twenties at most. I can't see Cap looking at someone that young and thinking "Yup, that teenager should be in the most dangerous occupation in the known universe" given what happened to Bucky.
As an aside, getting insurance in Marvel's New York must be hell on Earth.
I've seen Percy Jackson/ Blackjack (the Pegasus) before. Also Percy/Tyson and Annabeth/Tyson.
My friend broke my brain when she showed me a thing on Tumblr that shipped Dobby/Hagrid. The tagline?
(Get your brain bleach ready.)
"Dobby is stretchy, sir!"
As long as it doesn't involve scat, I might like to read that Dobby/Hagrid thing.
Oh god no. No, no, no.
(Where's my Bleeptea.)
That said, Darth Malgus/Satale Shan. Or Jace Malcom/Eleena Daru. Or, Kaliyo Djannis/Archiban "Doc" Kimble.
I broke out laughing. Not much can do that to me.
Well I'm stealing from a complaint about yoai, but...
Kain/Moebius (I actually drew that one.)
Raziel/Seraphin Lord. (Actually thought of how to make that almost possible, but without lemon or romance so probably not a pairing.)
Mortainius/evolved!Turel would be wailord/skitty but would work as another no lemon or romance so not technically a pairing.
Isana/Invidia. (Codex Alera)
Katniss x Haymitch (Hunger Games), Hollyleaf x Tigerstar, Mapleshade x Crookedstar (Warriors),Kai x Sibyl (Lunar Chronicles)
Wailord/Skitty anyone? (for those who don't know Skitty and Wailord are in the same egg group in Pokemon and thus are allowed to breed).
My brother and I wanted to know if there was an even more traumatic breeding-compatible Pokemon pair, and we found out that EEVEE can breed with Wailord, and it's about a foot smaller than Skitty.
0_O
That's scary. And I'm very smut-resistent too. (I read C*l*br**n. No problems suffered.)
I have no idea why the meme isn't about Diglett and Wailord, honestly. Diglett is only eight inches tall, and Wailord is forty-seven feet. Diglett is never seen fully outside of its underground tunnels, while Wailord can barely move outside of the water. And yet, the two can breed, creating any number of baby Wailmer that know Fissure. Maybe the meme's not HDOWA because you couldn't find Diglett in Hoenn, where the main concentrations of Wailord and Wailmer are, but that seems like a small obstacle, especially since you've been able to find them in the same region during other games.
Has its own subsection of theories. Check this out. (Possibly NSFW/NSFB)
http://www.cantbeunseen.com/what-has-been-seen/20105-there-goes-my-childhood
I guess the main reason why Skitty is the other half of the Wailord breeding meme is because it's pink? And adorable? And fluffy...? But then again, Eevee is fluffy and adorable. Diglett might be adorable, but it's definitely not fluffy.
Also Wailord is said to be lighter than air. HOW DOES IT EXIST. I guess the same way Slugma somehow doesn't burn everything near it despite having a body temperature hotter than the sun's. And there are little kids with these things under their command. Pokemon is one giant source of Fridge Horror, isn't it?
After all, it is a bunch of entries written by a ten-to-fifteen-year old in the middle of a stressful saving-the-world journey with very little knowledge of what the Pokémon are and do. Some of the numbers are way off(the famous "Alakazam has an IQ that literally does not exist on the scale" entry in most of the games comes to mind, along with the one you mentioned where Magcargo is almost hot enough to ignite the atmosphere), and some of the behaviors seem wildly out-of-place or extrapolated. Though I really do like the idea of a bunch of Cacturne gathering together and forming a roving gang of pursuit predators.
I still remember the answer when someone asked Masuda what Diglett looked like underneath. He said that officially, none of the development team had come up with a definitive answer, but he thought it was probably "a hand or something". That is amazing. Diglett as this giant thumb poking up from underground, joined by the middle and index fingers when it evolves into Dugtrio. That makes just the right amount of no sense whatsoever to be absolutely hilarious.
Doctor Gregory House and Doctor Robert Chase. (House, M.D.)
