Let's see... the worst ever Homestuck pairing...

Subject: Let's see... the worst ever Homestuck pairing...
Author: Outhra
Posted on: 2014-05-11 08:06:00 UTC

Not just crack pairings, since those are normal for Homestuck. Something that really goes above and beyond.

Ah! I've got it! Doc Scratch, and Serenity.

In case the pictures aren't working, which is entirely possible since some devices react to .gifs poorly, that's a space-warping omniscient puppet man with a cue ball for a head paired with a sapient lightning bug. I think that speaks for itself.

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Bad shipping game by Pippa's Ghost on 2014-05-10 12:10:00 UTC Reply

Just a bit of fun. Try and think up the worst possible pairs to ship. Only restriction is that they must be pairs who could actually meet (i.e. both be from the same canon and time period). Other than that, no restrictions.

I'll start with:

Oedipus and Antigone.

Vivi/ Eyelash and Nami/Scissors by Seychelles on 2014-05-13 05:03:00 UTC Reply

A cookie for people who know who these charcters are.
Oh, that's easy. (LotR) by Huinesoron on 2014-05-12 11:37:00 UTC Reply

He rode to kill a hobbit; she rode out to save one. Her folk came from the West Beyond West; he hailed from the uttermost East. She was the Evenstar of her people; he was a shadow of terror in the night.

He was hunting a Ring.

She was longing for a King.

When Arwen Undómiel and Khamûl the Ringwraith are trapped together after a landslide, what will they find first? Their weapons...

... or each other?

You're welcome!

hS
From BBC's Sherlock... by SeaTurtle on 2014-05-12 06:42:00 UTC Reply

Mycroft Holmes / Irene Adler.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. by Lily Winterwood on 2014-05-12 05:28:00 UTC Reply

Prince Hamlet/Claudius sounds like the worst possible thing.
Sara Crewe/Miss Minchin. (nm) by Calista on 2014-05-12 04:42:00 UTC Reply
This seems fun by Seafarer on 2014-05-11 22:00:00 UTC Reply

How about Boromir/Elrond? Not the worst, but there's a reason I mention it...
Aragorn/Sauron is pretty messy. Shelob/Sauron even more so, I think.
I've actually seen Bellum/Linebeck and Bellum/Ganondorf fanfic. Make of that what you will.
I also saw a Zelda fic that had Link/every boss from Ocarina of Time. Link/Barinade and Link/Bongo Bongo deserve special mention here.
And Peach/Bowser scares me.

The Scariest Thing About Peach/Bowser... by sjosten on 2014-05-12 04:59:00 UTC Reply

... is that the Koopalings think it's canon. It's things like this that make me like Daisy more.

Well, the even crazier thing... by Herr Wozzeck on 2014-05-12 14:50:00 UTC Reply

...is that some people in the Mario fandom do actually ship Peach and Bowser. Hell, I did it once, though it was in the middle of a fic full of soap opera-like shenanigans where almost everyone was totally OOC anyway, so there you go.

But I dunno...

Doctor Doom and the Thing by zdimensia on 2014-05-11 16:55:00 UTC Reply

But during the Forever War so that they can say "we're both so pretty now, let's scew!"
Let's see... the worst ever Homestuck pairing... by Outhra on 2014-05-11 08:06:00 UTC Reply

Not just crack pairings, since those are normal for Homestuck. Something that really goes above and beyond.

Ah! I've got it! Doc Scratch, and Serenity.

In case the pictures aren't working, which is entirely possible since some devices react to .gifs poorly, that's a space-warping omniscient puppet man with a cue ball for a head paired with a sapient lightning bug. I think that speaks for itself.
Spy x Anyone by sjosten on 2014-05-11 05:51:00 UTC Reply

I know people like to ship Spy and Sniper, but let's be honest here: he's the Spy. Everyone in TF2 has either enough lunacy, intelligence, of trust issues to know that being unarmed in a room alone with the backstabbing double crosser is not something they want.

Even with Scout's Mom? (nm) by Outhra on 2014-05-11 08:08:00 UTC Reply

There's an Exception to Every Rule (nm) by sjosten on 2014-05-11 09:27:00 UTC Reply

We need a Mass Effect ship up in here... by Herr Wozzeck on 2014-05-11 01:36:00 UTC Reply

...so I'm going to suggest Wrex/Kasumi. Now wouldn't that be a fun ship to try to write? =P

I'll see your ship and I raise you with... by SeaTurtle on 2014-05-11 03:54:00 UTC Reply

Morinth / Tali.

Oh, you're gonna go that route? by Herr Wozzeck on 2014-05-11 04:09:00 UTC Reply

Then in that case:

Dalatrass Linron/Stephen Hackett

Interesting. by SeaTurtle on 2014-05-11 09:58:00 UTC Reply

That's a first. I guess that I'll have to retort with...

Saren / Conrad Verner.

I take you there, and raise you up with... by Herr Wozzeck on 2014-05-11 11:59:00 UTC Reply

Udina/Nassana Dantius

Interesting. by SeaTurtle on 2014-05-11 09:58:00 UTC Reply

That's a first. I guess that I'll have to retort with...

Saren / Conrad Verner.

Filch/Hermione.Or Errol/Hermione. (nm) by KittyEden on 2014-05-11 01:27:00 UTC Reply
I might get some flak for this, but... by wobblestheclown on 2014-05-11 00:05:00 UTC Reply

Captain America/Spiderman is a [i]terrible[/i] ship in my opinion. Cap won't respect Spidey's abilities as a hero because of his comparative youth (there's plenty of canonical evidence for this), and Spidey's natural response to such behaviour is simply to take the mickey out of whoever's responsible for it. They would Not Get On in a way that even the most ardent shippers'd be hard-pressed to pass off as UST.

Spidey/MCU!Iron Man, now, that I can get behind. Assuming Spiderman ever gets to show up in the MCU, of course...

Iffy, IMHO by Antigone68104 on 2014-05-12 17:01:00 UTC Reply

Unless it's been retconned away, Cap saw Spiderman pound a Herald of Galactus into the pavement. He might think Spidey's too young for this job, but respect for Spidey's abilities? I think it's there.

Back on topic, there are very few people who would survive being shipped with Hulk.

HULK SMASH PUNY VAGINA! by wobblestheclown on 2014-05-13 00:39:00 UTC Reply

I ain't even sorry, dude. I ain't even sorry.

I Disagree on the No Respect Thing by sjosten on 2014-05-11 05:43:00 UTC Reply

I don't think Cap's exactly the kind of guy to not respect Spidey based on something like age, especially considering the fact that Bucky was even younger when he was Steve's sidekick. Now, I think the ship is still a bit wonky, but that's more because I tend to think Spidey has immense respect for Cap. I mean, Cap is as big of a legend in-universe as he is in real life. I imagine this would make Cap more of a mentor figure for Spidey than anything else.

On the subject of Bucky... by wobblestheclown on 2014-05-11 12:59:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, Bucky was a lot younger than Steve when he was his sidekick. However, Bucky died. Sorta. And eventually became the Winter Soldier. In a way that's only not mind-meltingly stupid in the MCU. If you lose someone like that, when they're as young as that, in a war, when you're Steve Rogers (there's a reason the guy has a shield as his personal symbol)... it's going to affect you and your perception. Lest we forget, Spidey's young. He's, like, in his early twenties at most. I can't see Cap looking at someone that young and thinking "Yup, that teenager should be in the most dangerous occupation in the known universe" given what happened to Bucky.

As an aside, getting insurance in Marvel's New York must be hell on Earth.

Oedipus/Jocasta- oh wait. by Iximaz on 2014-05-10 22:30:00 UTC Reply

I've seen Percy Jackson/ Blackjack (the Pegasus) before. Also Percy/Tyson and Annabeth/Tyson.

My friend broke my brain when she showed me a thing on Tumblr that shipped Dobby/Hagrid. The tagline?

(Get your brain bleach ready.)

"Dobby is stretchy, sir!"

Dobby/Hagrid by zdimensia on 2014-05-10 23:07:00 UTC Reply

As long as it doesn't involve scat, I might like to read that Dobby/Hagrid thing.

Dobby/Hagrid? by Desdendelle on 2014-05-11 00:13:00 UTC Reply

Oh god no. No, no, no.
(Where's my Bleeptea.)
That said, Darth Malgus/Satale Shan. Or Jace Malcom/Eleena Daru. Or, Kaliyo Djannis/Archiban "Doc" Kimble.

No. No, no,no, no. by Tigeress on 2014-05-10 22:59:00 UTC Reply

I broke out laughing. Not much can do that to me.

Legacy of Kain by zdimensia on 2014-05-10 20:21:00 UTC Reply

Well I'm stealing from a complaint about yoai, but...
Kain/Moebius (I actually drew that one.)
Raziel/Seraphin Lord. (Actually thought of how to make that almost possible, but without lemon or romance so probably not a pairing.)
Mortainius/evolved!Turel would be wailord/skitty but would work as another no lemon or romance so not technically a pairing.
Hmmm... by Ailavyn Siniyash on 2014-05-10 20:13:00 UTC Reply

Isana/Invidia. (Codex Alera)
Hmm... by Tigeress on 2014-05-10 18:25:00 UTC Reply

Katniss x Haymitch (Hunger Games), Hollyleaf x Tigerstar, Mapleshade x Crookedstar (Warriors),Kai x Sibyl (Lunar Chronicles)

Hey anathor Lunar Chronicles fan:) (nm) by Seychelles on 2014-05-13 05:06:00 UTC Reply

Technically not a ship but... by Storme Hawk on 2014-05-10 18:16:00 UTC Reply

Wailord/Skitty anyone? (for those who don't know Skitty and Wailord are in the same egg group in Pokemon and thus are allowed to breed).

Hot Wailord-on-Skitty Action! by Desdendelle on 2014-05-10 19:58:00 UTC Reply

Image NSFB, but I couldn't resist...

HSOWA by Iximaz on 2014-05-10 22:28:00 UTC Reply

My brother and I wanted to know if there was an even more traumatic breeding-compatible Pokemon pair, and we found out that EEVEE can breed with Wailord, and it's about a foot smaller than Skitty.

0_O

That's... by Tigeress on 2014-05-10 22:50:00 UTC Reply

That's scary. And I'm very smut-resistent too. (I read C*l*br**n. No problems suffered.)

Diglett can breed with Wailord, too. Field egg group. by Outhra on 2014-05-10 23:17:00 UTC Reply

I have no idea why the meme isn't about Diglett and Wailord, honestly. Diglett is only eight inches tall, and Wailord is forty-seven feet. Diglett is never seen fully outside of its underground tunnels, while Wailord can barely move outside of the water. And yet, the two can breed, creating any number of baby Wailmer that know Fissure. Maybe the meme's not HDOWA because you couldn't find Diglett in Hoenn, where the main concentrations of Wailord and Wailmer are, but that seems like a small obstacle, especially since you've been able to find them in the same region during other games.

Of course, the underground part of Diglett... by Iximaz on 2014-05-10 23:53:00 UTC Reply

Has its own subsection of theories. Check this out. (Possibly NSFW/NSFB)

http://www.cantbeunseen.com/what-has-been-seen/20105-there-goes-my-childhood

I guess the main reason why Skitty is the other half of the Wailord breeding meme is because it's pink? And adorable? And fluffy...? But then again, Eevee is fluffy and adorable. Diglett might be adorable, but it's definitely not fluffy.

Also Wailord is said to be lighter than air. HOW DOES IT EXIST. I guess the same way Slugma somehow doesn't burn everything near it despite having a body temperature hotter than the sun's. And there are little kids with these things under their command. Pokemon is one giant source of Fridge Horror, isn't it?

I subscribe to the theory that the PokÃ©dex is exaggerating. by Outhra on 2014-05-11 00:29:00 UTC Reply

After all, it is a bunch of entries written by a ten-to-fifteen-year old in the middle of a stressful saving-the-world journey with very little knowledge of what the Pokémon are and do. Some of the numbers are way off(the famous "Alakazam has an IQ that literally does not exist on the scale" entry in most of the games comes to mind, along with the one you mentioned where Magcargo is almost hot enough to ignite the atmosphere), and some of the behaviors seem wildly out-of-place or extrapolated. Though I really do like the idea of a bunch of Cacturne gathering together and forming a roving gang of pursuit predators.

I still remember the answer when someone asked Masuda what Diglett looked like underneath. He said that officially, none of the development team had come up with a definitive answer, but he thought it was probably "a hand or something". That is amazing. Diglett as this giant thumb poking up from underground, joined by the middle and index fingers when it evolves into Dugtrio. That makes just the right amount of no sense whatsoever to be absolutely hilarious.

Re: Bad shipping game by zdimensia on 2014-05-10 18:07:00 UTC Reply

Doctor Gregory House and Doctor Robert Chase. (House, M.D.)
Winky/Hermione, Dumbledore/Vernon Dursley (nm) by LonelyStar on 2014-05-10 16:52:00 UTC Reply