No point beating around the bush (even though it would be much less nerve wracking), so here you guys go. Hopefully I haven't done too badly with these guys.


Agent #1:
Jack Bennet is a human guy from the “real world.” Any physical description of Jack must begin with the heavy facial scarring around his right eye. Jack has never explained to anyone how he got these scars, and has said that it just doesn’t matter. Jack is tall and lanky, with most of his height coming from his long legs. Jack spent a few years in the Department of Internal Affairs checking charge lists before requesting a transfer into an action department. As far as he saw, he “didn’t spend eight years getting a law degree so [he] could sit around and let other people get the bad guys.” Jack applied for a job in PPC in his junior year of law school, and seems to believe he was only recruited because they were running out of people willing to file paperwork. He stays in touch with his mother, and has told her about the PPC. She doesn’t seem to care, but has made him swear to a handful of deities that he would be careful not to get killed. This, and some foolish thing he calls self-preservation, and everyone else calls cowardice, mean that Jack prefers not to participate in combat, which is why he bothered to stick around in DIA for so long. Aside from a thorough understanding of court law, Jack has very few skills. He knows basic wilderness survival, but his days in the Boy Scouts didn’t exactly train him for ‘Sue hunting. Now, Jack is transferring into the Department of Floaters so he can do some work, and hopefully find someone besides his mother to talk to.

Agent #2:
Shawn O’Thomas is a twenty something (and not a day older) male human from a (nonexistent) badfic set in the DC continuum, specifically the Batman mythos. He’s lean somewhat short, a few inches shy of six feet. Shawn has obviously died bright red hair, and a penchant for wearing leather jackets and jeans, no matter the weather. Shawn was a bit character gang leader who died within two chapters of his fic. However, due to OOC circumstances regarding his death, when the canon snapped back, it undid Shawn’s demise. After that, Shawn joined up with the Floaters, hoping he could put his skills to use, and pick up some new tricks for when/if he gets back into the crime game. Shawn is a decent shot with handguns, as well as various blunt weapons. Gotham streets tend to teach you how to wield a pipe pretty well. On the other hand, Gotham also tends to warp your morals a bit. Shawn’s suggestions tend to be a bit more cruel than necessary, and the handful of things that anger him will turn him close to feral rather quickly. Shawn has, fortunately, realized this doesn’t exactly fall in line with the PPC’s ideals, and is acting to correct his behavior. On the bright side, killing ‘Sues is a pretty good way to vent aggression.

Control Prompt (One agent tells the other how they were recruited):
“That went better than I expected.” Jack said as the portal from the most recent mission closed behind him.
“Still can’t believe she was supposed to be Jack's sister. She had to be like nineteen tops, right?” Shawn asked, flopping down onto his bed.
“Sues are weird sometimes, what’d you expect?” Jack asked, tossing his remote activator onto a desk before sitting down on his bed.
“I guess you’re right.” Shawn said, digging through his backpack for a few moments before pulling out an apple.
The room was quiet, save the sound of Shawn’s snacking, for a while before Jack spoke up, “Actually, and I’m being serious for once, what did you expect when you joined the PPC? I mean, I had a whole interview thing, but you kind of just got thrown into it.”
“When I joined? I had no idea what the looney punks were talking about. Took me a few days to figure out I would still be able to put people six feet under.” Shawn said.
“So, you just went with it? No suspicions or anything?” Jack asked.
“Hey, be fair. I just came back from the dead, so I was a little out of it.” Shawn said.
“Whoa, you died? I heard you couldn’t keep a DC character down, but I always thought those were just jokes.” Jack said.
“It wasn’t exactly normal circumstances.” Shawn said.
Jack got up and moved over to Shawn’s bed, “Well you can’t just bait me and not explain yourself.” He said, sitting next to his partner.
“Alright, so I was a mob boss, right? And I’ve got this real small crew, just me and a couple other guys. Except, one of the guys is a Sue.” Shawn said.
“You got killed by a Sue?” Jack asked with a huge grin.
“No, now don’t interrupt.” Shawn said.
“I make no promises.” Jack said, leaning back against the wall.
“Can I continue? Good. Anyway, so this Sue and me are poking around the security office for this bank, gotta disable the cameras before the other guys can sneak in. Out of nowhere though, Nightwing, freaking Nightwing, smashes my head into the wall!” Shawn said, crushing his apple core against the wall.
“Ouch.” Jack said, cringing.
“You’re telling me. Snapped my neck. So, Bat wannabe brings the Sue in, and gets off with a warning from the big bad Bat. A warning. I got put in Arkham for killing a few guys, and he gets scolded?” Shawn ranted.
“Sue influence, it does a body bad.” Jack said.
“Oh, it gets worse. See, the Sue was actually Nightwing’s sister, so she goes to a cell in the Bat Cave instead of prison. Then she falls in love with the new Robin, he falls for her, they live happily ever after.” Shawn said.
“Somehow I think you missed the part where you come back from the dead.” Jack said.
“Oh yeah, that. So, some Agents come in and kill the Sue, right? Then canon puts itself back together, bird boy goes back to normal, nobody broke any moral codes, and so I never got killed in the first place.” Shawn said.
“And the rest is history.” Jack said.
“Pretty much. Agents said I could go with them or just sort of drift into the background. I don’t work in the background, so I took their offer.” Shawn said.
“Interesting. I don’t suppose you remember being dead? What hell is like, and all that stuff?” Jack asked.
“Who says I didn't hit the pearly gates?” Shawn asked.
“Seriously? You got killed while robbing a bank.” Jack said.
“Yeah, well,” Shawn started. Just then, a loud beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep filled the room.
“Saved by the bell.” Jack said, jumping up to check the console.
“We aren’t through talking about this.” Shawn said, grabbing a few extra bullets off his desk and stuffing them in his pockets.
“Whatever you say.” Jack said, “Now, how do you feel about killing aliens?”
“Let’s find out.” Shawn said.

Random Prompt (The agents discover what the new adaption has done to their beloved canon):
“I just heard about the Superman/Batman movie. Don’t freak out. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Jack said, bursting through the door of his RC.
“I know right? I mean, everyone’s freaking out about it, but they did the same thing for Dark Knight when they cast Heath Ledger as Joker. I say we wait until we actually see the thing to decide if it’s good or not.” Shawn said.
“Right, good, you’re taking it rather well. You’re referencing the Batfleck thing, right? Nothing else?” Jack asked.
“What else is there to talk about?” Shawn asked. Just then, the console let out a bip.
“I’ll get it!” Jack said, jumping at the console.
“Okay, you’re freaking me out. What is it?” Shawn asked, reading over his partner’s shoulder.
‘Attention Agents who work in, come from, or in any way have some relation to the DC Universe:
We understand that you are not pleased with the fact that Wonder Woman will not be getting her own movie. We also understand that you do not like that she is Kryptonian now. We do not, however, think this means you may set fire to anything in headquarters. It has already happened no less than six times today, and we will be enforcing punishments on anyone else who attempts such things.
Thank you for your time,
Upstairs.’
Shawn stood completely still, with his mouth hanging wide open, for a few moments. Jack took this opportunity to kick Shawn’s gun under the bed.
“Kryptonian.” Shawn eventually said.
“I’m sure they explain it very well.” Jack said, frantically looking around to make sure there were no sharp objects in sight.
“It blew up! Everyone died! How are they going to explain it, exactly?” Shawn shouted.
“Now, that’s a perfectly logical argument, but the comics already have,” Jack started before being cut off.
“The comics say she’s an Amazon! A mythical warrior woman! Gifted by the gods! Does that mean Captain Marvel is a Kryptonian too?” Shawn shouted.
“Technically, his name is Shazam now.” Jack said.
“Oh, don’t even get me started on that! What moron would name themselves after the phrase that takes their powers away? It’s like if Zatanna changed her name to Deh-id I.” Shawn said.
“I dye heads?” Jack asked.
“It’s really hard to say consecutive vowels backward, okay?” Shawn said.
“Hey, listen, why don’t we just head down to the general store, pick up something mind altering, and you can forget this ever happened?” Jack offered.
“You know what? That’s not such a bad idea.” Shawn said, grinning.
“Why are you smiling?” Jack asked.
“I’m not smiling.” Shawn said, showing an unsettling number of teeth.
“You were going to injure me with the booze somehow, weren't you?” Jack asked.
“No, of course not.” Shawn said.
“It still counts if other people are injured too.” Jack said.
“Oh, come on, it would only be one Molotov.” Shawn said.
“Son of a, you know what? How about, instead of hitting the store, we sit here and play a nice, quiet game of Don’t Kill Anyone?” Jack offered.
“But I really want to kill someone.” Shawn mumbled.
“And I’m alone in a room with you, that’s great. Gee, it sure would be a shame if we got a mission right now!” Jack shouted.
“What are you doing?” Shawn asked.
“I’m certainly not tempting fate. You’d have to be an idiot to want a mission right now!” Jack shouted.
“It’s not going to work.” Shawn said.
“By the Hat, what do you want from me?” Jack shouted to the ceiling.
“You know, since you’re busy, I think I’m gonna hit that general store.” Shawn said, leaving the RC quickly. A mere five seconds after he left, a beeeeeeeeep filled the room.
“I really hate that guy sometimes.” Jack said to no one in particular.

And, if all goes well, I'll be sporking Grox and Kisses (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6398344/1/Grox-and-Kisses) from our very own List of Unclaimed Badfic.

So there we go. Time to cross my fingers.