Subject: Re: Mission
Author:
Posted on: 2014-04-07 06:34:00 UTC

I like the beginning of this mission immensely. Agent Desdendelle's reaction to Anebrin's snapping feels realistic, and I can empathize with that. The Librarian's introduction starts out strong, with the Time Lord's straightforwardness and lack of emotional reaction serving as a good counterpoint to Agent Des's attitude.

Once the mission gets going, though, it seems like the Librarian fades into the background. Most of his dialogue during the mission is basically just re-statements of what's happening around him ("You are telling me that this… author… did not research their subject before writing about it?") or leading questions that allow Des to tutor him in mission basics ("... How do you know the… author misspelled anything?") He doesn't express much of a personality during all this interplay, or even much in the way of Time Lordiness, apart from one comment about the flow of time being affected by the fic. It's good to show a new agent reacting to their first badfic, but the Librarian hardly reacts at all--he just talks about it. I hope he'll show more of his personality in future missions.

Also, a note about the minis: technically, Forgotten Realms already had mini-Slayers as its mini; however, based on when you were talking about this mission in the chat, you couldn't possibly have known that, because I hadn't put it on the wiki until after you started writing. Since all surviving mentions of mini-Slayers apart from that Directory are gone, and no one is recorded as having adopted any, I'll happily support mini-Eyeballs as the official mini type. (Now go make them a page, please. I don't know much about FR!)

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