Subject: Very funny!
Author:
Posted on: 2013-03-15 02:27:00 UTC
At least my Latin post managed to do some good! Really put a smile on my face.
(Nit-pick: Check the posts mentioning the plural of Deus ex Machina again: you should have written dei ex machinis or dei ex machina.)
Lest anyone get any funny ideas of shipping me, I'm out!
Well, spring is once more in the air, for some of us at least, and I figured the timing couldn't be better, considering what's just twoish threads down from this.
That's right ladies, gentlemen, starfish, and everyone else! It's time for the annual Shipfest! For the newbies, and those of you who don't remember how it goes, a summary shamelessly stolen from the wiki:
"The PPC Boarder Shipfic Fest is one of the stranger activities that the PPC Board gets up to. It is pretty much exactly what it sounds like, but since newcomers will still probably be inclined to tilt their heads and go "WTF?" at the strangeness, a few words of explanation:
We at the PPC do not like to take ourselves too seriously. Therefore, to celebrate the coming of spring and the resurgence of fresh hormones in our young blood--or really just anytime someone feels like starting it--we hold an event in which anyone who wants to writes silly shipfic about various PPC Boarders. Those who do not wish to participate are respected and left out of it. Everyone else is subject to the shippy and often slashy whims of their fellows, with amusing results.
There are a couple of rules, of course:
The first, which has been stated but bears repeating, is that anyone who does not want to participate is left out of it.
Similarly, if someone is not around to give their assent or dissent, they are left out of it just in case.
Second, the rating should stay PG-13 or lower. This is meant to be silly and fun, not squicky.
Once somebody starts the shipfic thread, it is traditional to state your willingness to participate if you are willing, and then to call out potential pairings (or more-than-pairings), perhaps along with the grounds (if any) for the 'ship. If there is one in particular that strikes your fancy, write it! If someone writes a shipfic with you in it, it is then traditional to retaliate and write one about them.
Or you can just up and do whatever you want. *wink wink nudge nudge*"
One last note: Agents are not usually involved in the Shipfic Fest, though this is not a rule. It's just that there's a separate event for them. (Which, admittedly, is also due for a return sometime soonish, I think. Unless I already missed this year's Fanfic Land.)
With this, I hereby declare the PPC Boarder Shipfest of 2013 open game! Needless to say, I'm always available, and up for basically anything, so ship away.
AKA The Return of Dominatrix!Kitty
***
Kitty adjusted her dress. As a dominatrix, she had to modify her style to whatever person she was trying to seduce. Today, it was a brony. Kitty liked the show herself, so she had the materials for a costume. And who didn't love princess ponies? And a fan favorite too!
She sat down in her chair and draped a blanket over her head and wrapping it around her body just as someone knocked on the door. She ignored it, picking up a book and pretending to read.
The door opened, and she looked up. "Why, hello there," she said, a purring sound in her voice.
"Um, hi," World-Jumper said. "You must be Kitty."
"Yes," she said, suddenly realizing the purring wasn't quite right. "You're the brony. World-Jumper."
"Yes," he said, looking somewhat confused.
She rose from her chair and sashayed towards him, swaying her hips just enough to show under the blanket she kept clutched around her. She came to a stop an inch from his face.
"So," she whispered, leaning in and running a finger down his ear, "Who is best pony?"
"T-Twilight," he replied as her hand traced a line across his shoulder.
"Oh, Twilight," she said. "Wonderful pony." She let go of the blanket.
World-Jumper stepped back. "Not Twiacorn! I hate Twiacorn!"
Kitty reclosed the distance between them and raised her eyebrows, smiling seductively. "Then take off my wings."
"With pleasure," he said, and pulled. He tossed the wings on the ground triumphantly, then suddenly realized that he had removed more than the wings.
She wrapped her hands around his neck and he succumbed.
***
So sorry, you two. But what with Dominatrix!Kitty and the fact that you're both bronies, I had to do something.
*Pomph*
(That my freinds is the sound of pegasus wings opening when they are... excited.)
In all seriousness though, wow, that was funny. And acurate too; I would rip the wings off a cosplayer who was dressed as Alicorn!Twilight if I was brave enough. Thain again, considering what happened with kitty here...
When I was reading it, when I read she was dressed as a princess, I honestly thought, "It's Molestia isn't it?" The reveal that it was Twiacorn made me laugh and sigh in relief. If you don't know who Molsstia is, well, look at the name and guess. It is part of the dark side of the fandom, and one I hope Marvin and Printworthy come across so they can kill that sorry character replacement.
Anyway, back on track here, well done. If I had been drinking anything, it would have sprayed all across my little tablet here. Thank goodness I was not.
(PS, for the record, best pony is either Twilight or Fluttershy, the two calmly fighting for the position. Not that it changes anything, just thought you should know.)
I need to stop drinking tea when I read these...
Very funny! Only why do people keep writing me as a dominatrix...? -head tilts-
Affectionately, of course. But still. :P
Yeah, you really should. If you choke to death on tea, then we lose our catgirl dominatrix. We need such a character for the Shipfic Fest.
'Cause, well... I kinda do that a lot IRL.
It was equal parts hilarious and oh-god-that's-the-role-I-have-for-these-now. Hence the headdesk.
*throws ball of wool at KittyNoodles* Let's see if Kitty/Ball-of-wool works.
-spends a good hour playing with ball of wool-
I'm not sure why, but there's something about cats that if women imitate them, it's considered attractive. I think it's the way they slink around, and act cold and aloof. Note how the other one had you scratching, and I had you purring.
Yep, it's the cat thing.
-Does an imitation of a hissing cat-
That reminds me that I sometimes scare people with that. It's fun.
Despite the fact that some participants are named, it is safe to assume that everyone who signed up is here and everyone who didn't is not, because that is exactly what is happening.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The Board was buzzing with news of the annual Shipfest. Already close to a dozen posts had been made showcasing various Boarder ships, and the participants were cackling at their pairings or reacting with oddly tsundere-like proclamations of 'B-BUT I WOULD NEVER'.
Everyone knew the truth, of course, but this was all in good fun. At least... it was, until several Boarders decided that they actually liked their pairings and wanted to see if they had any merit and real life.
This in mind, these Boarders - and by 'these
Boarders' I mean Riese, Phobos, Neshomeh, Huinesoron, Khaosity, HerrWozzeck, and hermione of vulcan - decided to get everybody together at a physical meeting place rather than just the Board and set things up in such a way that romance would be entirely inevitable.
So they picked a totally unimportant city in an equally unimportant country and invited everybody to the first-ever Meet Your Shipficcers PPC Fest. Some people - such as Silken Dawn and DawnFire - headed straight over, while others, like firemagic, took some poking and prodding before they decided they should probably attend.
With everyone gathered there at once, the hormone level went through the roof, into space, and eventually punched a heart-shaped hole through the moon, which probably had some really bad consequences for things like the Earth's tides and the moon's orbit. But nobody cared about that, because with so many hormones absolutely nobody was able to resist their fellow Boarders and eventually a very different party went down.
Coincidentally, none who attended were ever permitted to set foot in that particular city ever again. Everyone agreed it was totally worth it.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I should not be allowed near my keyboard after drinking three cups of coffee in a row.
That...actually sounds like something I would do (getting us all together and receiving a ban from the town, that is). This is why I am not allowed to be bored :-D "Banned from Argo" also came to my mind! Let's hope no one ends up walking with their feet a yard apart ;-)
Wh-WHAT. XD
As for why I'm not allowed to be bored? Well... there was the time I enacted the "Epiphany" scene from Sweeney Todd in the middle of town, then the time my friends and I played "subway tag" through the entirety of Nürnberg... There are plenty more examples! I wish I could take credit for the reenactment of the Silmarillion in art class, but that was a friend's "fault". It was still awesome though :-)
How long did THAT take?
It ended when the teacher from next door came in (ours got called off and left us unsupervised, thinking that eleventh graders were old enough to know better) and asked us what the heck was going on, why was Andrea duct-taped to the wall by her wrist and was that smoke she smelled? By that time it had been going on for about 45 minutes... with a LOT of improv, as half the class had no idea what was happening. Also, it was out of order, cause we were already on Beren and Luthien and the... Dagor Bragollach, I believe. Yes, simultaneously. Yeah, Maedhros/Andrea got forgotten about... Oh, and Feanor (yours truly) was still alive, thwapping Morgoth with a pencil case. C'mon, I wanted my Silmarils/notebook back!
Wish my grade had done that. Would've been fun. Not sure enough of us knew the Silmarillion, though.
...we definitely oculd have done Harry Potter. That would have been awesome, and everyone knew it. Pity we never actually did anything beyond quotes and discussions...
(Seriously, how do I get a TARDIS and come to your class to join in the reenactment? It sounds really, really fun.)
Also, smoke?
~DF
Where the people who would be "losers" at normal schools are suddenly the coolest! We'd already done Harry Potter to death. And PotC. Also, I did say half the class was clueless... Some of them were making paper airplanes, which they gave us willingly, because "never refuse a determined geek". And so the First Kinslaying failed to occur... We did burn them (the paper airplanes), though, hence the smoke (also, Dagor Bragollach=Battle of Sudden Flame). Honestly, I wish I could do that again! This time I wouldn't even have to be coerced. Yeah, friend of mine stole my notebook, declared "The Silmarils are mine!", I was having a bad day and tried to make him give it back, he refused, I shouted "Give it back or I swear I'll kill you!", some others swore they'd help, and the rest is history... Needless to say, my day was suddenly a lot better!
"The Head Nurse disappeared awhile in the major Dope Bazaar,
Buying an odd green potion "guaranteed to cause Pon-Farr."
She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart,
And a painful way of walking-with her feet a yard apart."
Which is a lot funnier if you also know the verse about Spock.
"Our proper, cool First Officer was drugged with something green,
And hauled into an alley, where he suffered things obscene.
He sobered up in Sickbay and he's none the worse for wear,
Except he's somehow taught the bridge computer how to swear."
Eh, I was just quoting the chorus from Banned from Argo, which I figure enough people know well enough to recognize anyway.
HerrWozzeck entered Bryn's room. "What did you want to see me for?" he asked.
Bryn nodded. "I need help with something. Something I heard that you're good at, that I can't do by myself."
"Sounds serious," Herr commented.
Bryn shrugged, handing him a few sheets of paper. Herr's eyebrows rose, but he decisively nodded. "Let's do this."
~~~~~~~~~
"Now we can go straight! Into the middle eight! A bridge that is too far for me!"
"I'll sing it in your face, while we both embrace!"
"And then, we'll change, the kee-eey!" They sang together, Bryn and Herr walking through the halls of the PPC, singing at the top of their lungs.
I'm definitely in for this one. GO ON. DO YOUR WORST.
Afternoon sunlight slanted down from the library's high windows. Only two remained inside at this hour, hunched over an enormous leather bound tome, united in their desire for learning.
"So you see," Khaosity explained, "it would really be 'dei ex machinae,' since you wanted to pluralize it."
Sergio Turbo nodded understandingly. He pointed to a word on the ancient Latin dictionary, but Khaosity reached at the same time, and their hands met over the well-worn pages. Two voices gasped; startled brown eyes looked into handsome and hot Italian ones.
For a moment, there was perfect silence. Then, Sergio finally found the courage to ask the question that had been burning in his mind for so long:
"Cogito ergo sum?"
Khaosity blushed furiously, but she matched his boldness. "E pluribus unum," she said, her voice like a caress.
Sergio gasped again. Could it be? "Post hoc, ergo propter hoc!" he declared. Now there could be no mistake- and no going back.
"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet!!" Khaosity cried, and threw her arms around her study partner. Soon there was nothing but a flurry of passion and clothing discarded on the library floor. She conjugated his verbs, and he made sure ALL of her adjectives agreed.
__________________________________
Ha... I should write romance novels for people who want to hit themselves repeatedly with blunt objects.
At least my Latin post managed to do some good! Really put a smile on my face.
(Nit-pick: Check the posts mentioning the plural of Deus ex Machina again: you should have written dei ex machinis or dei ex machina.)
Lest anyone get any funny ideas of shipping me, I'm out!
This is awesome! Much better than my ficlet, in which Tray-Gnome is apparently an illithid/squirrel hybrid...or something o.O (there we see the necessity of engaging Mr. Brain before writing)
I liked your ficlet a ton. There's nothing like extremely thinly veiled innuendo! Plus it indirectly spawned an adorable mini, which I should probably claim.
Sorry, just saw this! Yeah, you should go claim the nano-squirrel down there... Iss kyoot (probably).
...I was laughing pretty much the entire way through. No hitting myself with blunt objects.
*cringes away from the swarm of innuendo in the above*
(...it should probably be noted that my brain may or may not have been spending a little too much time in the company of such individuals as Capt. Jack Harkness, Tony Stark, and Clint Barton, and therefore cannot be held liable for its actions. I plead the fifth. Or the third. Which was the one about soldiers, again?)
*collars brain before it can make a (mildly) inappropriate remark*
~DawnFire
'Cause, well... he does.
“Right foot...red!”
Karrin bit her lower lip, and slowly shifted so her foot rested on the mandated dot. Unfortunately this put her in an... awkward position.
“Nnn~” Plat squirmed slightly. “Watch it there, you.”
“Well, it’s hard to watch much of anything with you around,” Karrin retorted with a cute little pout.
“Mmm. Not that I’m complaining, of course...” Plat made the shift to Left Hand Green slowly, taking great care to accidentally brush against her, which placed the pair in an even more awkward position than before. This had the interesting effect of making Karrin flush a very bright shade of pink.
“Tease.”
“Bite me, Murph.” Plat stuck his tongue out at her childishly.
Karrin leaned forward and left a gentle bite on Plat’s ear, causing him to fall forward out of surprise. “What the-”
“You did say to bite you.” Karrin smiled wickedly up at him. “Not my fault if you weren’t ready for it.”
“Well, now that we’re here,” Plat purred, “shall we go for another round?”
“I suppose so, if you’re so eager to lose again.” Karrin’s smile grew even more wicked. “How about this time we make things a bit more... interesting?”
“Interesting how?” Plat’s cheeks began to heat.
Karrin didn’t answer, as her hips were already moving by themselves, wriggling out of her pants.
And so they played a more interesting round. Or three.
_______________________________________
Sorry, Plat. You're just too much fun not to use in these!
I object to this baseless insinuation that I have any flexibility or fine motor control! I have been capable of tripping over flat ground in sneakers before, and the idea that I can play Twister is simply untrue!
And I'm the idiot who took fourteen years to realize it isn't smart to run through a crowded basketball court.
But then, I did gymnastics for ages, so I dunno if that means anything.
But I'm not Turian. And it does so count. You just jealous.
Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth.
THAT'S THE REASON WE NEEDED TO WRITE A REVENGE SHIP IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU TWIT. XD
Seriously, whoever created the game must've been planning that. There are so many possible embarassing, awkward or funny outcomes that I can't count them.
Hell, at a friend's birthday party she had the terrible idea to let her boyfriend call out the colors himself instead of using the roulette thingy when it was her turn... and she was wearing a skirt. Cue boyfriend deliberately choosing the colors in order to try to get a pantyshot.
He failed, but it was funny nevertheless.
(because my brain remembered that in the Boarder Shipfic Fest there are no dumb ideas and I had five minutes to kill)
~~~~~~
KittyNoodles barged into Riese's room as he continued playing EVE. "Riese!" she shouted. "What exactly are these supposed to be!?" In her fists she held handfuls of tildes.
Riese grinned. "Don't you know what a tilde represents?~" he asked.
Kitty blinked in surprise, before smiling and dropping the tildes. "Ah, now I remember...~"
Ah, tildes...
I guess it wouldn't be hard for Agents to get a crate or two of them. Doujins (and Japanes fangirls' fics) are full of them.
I know what the tildes mean!
The Tidlies told me to, WHY DON'T YOU F&*%ING UNDERSTAND?!
I'm not even a fan of Call of Duty, but I had to make that reference.
...What?
DISCLAIMER: I have no idea what I'm talking about and did not make any attempt to format this or use readable English because I was laughing too hard. Just go with it.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Riese was playing EVE one night when suddenly there came a knock upon his bedroom door. This disturbed Riese, as he was certain the sign on his door that read 'Trespassers will be shot - survivors will be shot again' would keep most people from knocking.
Shrugging, he stood up and walked over to the door, then opened it to see Plat standing there wearing a sexy smirk and nothing else.
"'Lo, Plat," Riese said, not really sure why there was a nekkid Plat in his hallway.
Plat's smirk turned into a sexy grin as he asked in a wine-smooth voice, "Do you mind if I come in, Riese?"
"Uh, could you put on some pa--"
But Riese quickly forgot what he was going to ask, because at that moment Plat swooned and sent Riese into a swoon.
"Sure, you can come in~..." Riese answered instead with a silly grin.
The two walked inside and closed the door and played a very different kind of game.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I DON'T EVEN KNOW. -flees-
OBJECTION!
I don't play EVE anymore. YOU FAIL AT CHARACTER WRITING XD
Pffthahaha, well played.
YOU MENTIONED EVE IN THE IRC VERY RECENTLY!
Basing your case on such flimsy evidence....
the only reason you would do that is if...
YOU HAD NO CASE TO BEGIN WITH!
Your Honor, the Prosecution rests.
http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130111090206/aceattorney/images/5/52/Edgeworth-bow(a).gif
Miles Edgeworth has never once referred to Phoenix Wright as Mr. Wrong!.gif)
Who are you really?
....your own father!
Surely you must realize you're overmatched. And put that away, before you hurt yourself.
Honestly. Also, you seem to have been neglecting your practice. How else could you manage to become a quick-change artist, able to switch clothes in a single frame!
It's impossible!
Your Honor, I demand an end to this farce!
Manfred von Karma also never said 'Mr. Wrong.'
I demand you unmask yourself this instant, you foolish fool of a fool's fool!
It's a legal-themed video game.
Seriously, I wasn't expecting to see gifs outside of tumblr. And then there's all of these anime-like lawyers in fancy clothes, and then there's River, and I just can't.
~DF
MegamanNG does the best ones ever. It's like watching a weird anime (9 out of 10 times).
I demand you end this charade! Now!
...but the flood of Edgeworth GIFs totally made me forget.
(Shoot, I'm totally blanking out here! If I don't say something quick, the judge will rule in his favor!)
KittyNoodles was sitting in her favorite chair, reading Pratchett, when her door opened. Plat stood in the doorframe, backlit by the fiery glory of a California sunset.
“Hello there, Kitty.” Plat’s voice was wine-smooth as he leaned sideways against the frame, crossing his arms.
Kitty raised an eyebrow. “’lo, Plat. What brings you here?”
“I was in the neighborhood, thought I’d stop by.”
“In the neighborhood, huh?” Kitty mock-pouted, eyes sparkling with laughter. “You need an excuse to see lil’ old me?”
“Hey, hey.” Plat straightened up and came the rest of the way into the little bungalow. “Of course not. But I was trying to be suave.”
“Suave. You.”
“Hey, I’m allowed to be suave.”
“Suuuure. Remember what happened last time you tried to be ‘dashing and adventurous?’”
“Hey, that table was getting old anyway. Breaking it was a favor. And you got better.”
“You’ve never apologized for that, you know.” Kitty slipped a scrap of paper into her book to mark the place, and stood with a graceful, fluid motion that accentuated her curves.
“I’m uh…I’m…um…” Plat suddenly felt like the temperature had jumped at least twenty degrees. “I’m uh…”
“You’re what?” Kitty paced slowly toward him, hips swaying side-to-side, eyes never leaving his face.
“I’m suh…suh…”
Kitty reached him and pressed in close, arms wrapping around his waist as she whispered in his ear. “I can’t hear you, Plat.”
Plat was starting to sweat ever so slightly. “I…um.”
Kitty pressed him back against the wall, tracing a single finger along his collarbone. “Say it.”
“I’m. Um. I’m sorry.”
“I can't heeeear you~...”
“I’m sorry!”
Kitty smiled lazily. “Good boy. Now, how are you going to repay me for breaking it?”
“Um…I..I’ve got some money som-“ He cut off with a hiss of indrawn breath as Kitty left a long scratch along his neck with one fingernail.
“Not like that, Plat.”
“Uh. L-like what, then?”
Kitty’s eyes smouldered. “Oh, I have a few ideas.”
“I-ideas?”
“Ideas, Mistress.” Kitty corrected.
Plat swallowed. “Ideas, M-mistress?”
Kitty’s smile turned even more lascivious. “Yes, Plat. Ideas.” She crossed over to the door, then turned back to Plat. “Oh, don’t look do worried. You’ll like them, I think.”
“Y-yes, Mistress…”
The door closed.
T'hihihi-
T'hihihihihi-
No, really. Kitty as a dominatrix? I'm not sure whether to fall on the floor laughing or stare dumbfounded at the screen.
I'm about as dominant as a teddy bear! XD
...Ahem.
OBJECTION.
I don't say 'lo. YOU FAIL AT CHARACTER WRITING. XD
I do hope everyone reading this realizes I am ribbing him because I can. And because he made me choke on my tea. This is the funniest thing I have read all year.
23, female, 5'1'' short, brunette.
It seemed like everyone always wanted Plat, but finally Bryn had gotten him alone, in a room with a real bed even. A long moment passed where the only sound in the room was their breathing, and they gazed at each other for what seemed like an eternity, each losing themselves in the other's eyes. Finally, Plat broke the silence.
"So."
"So?"
"Wanna play Kirby?"
"I... what?"
"Would you like to play Kirby with me?"
"Uh. Sure, I guess?"
And so they did.
Did I miss something here?
Neshomeh and Phobos were lying in bed one afternoon, murmuring softly, and doing whatever it is that happily married couples do in bed together*, when Neshomeh suddenly jumped up, cursing.
"What is it?" asked Phobos, watching her pull on clothes** and dig for her red pen amongst various bedroom detritus.
"I'm late!" Neshomeh pointed with one hand to the clock on the other side of the bedroom as she pulled on a shirt. "I was supposed to have a beta-ing session with Herr Wozzeck in ten minutes, and I'll never get there in time!"
Phobos sat up. "But that means I'll be here all alone," he said, pouting.
Neshomeh sighed, and nodded. "I did promise... but you can always use a second beta, right?"
Nodding enthusiastically, Phobos jumped out of bed*** and followed her out the door.
"The problem is," Neshomeh muttered, turning corners at random, "That I'll never be able to find the place in time. Why is it so hard to distract oneself from one's destination?"
Phobos grinned. "I think I can help with that..." he said.
---
Herr Wozzeck turned a corner at random, trying to not think about the library, or his beta meeting, and promptly tripped over Phobos and Neshomeh.
"Um... guys?"
They looked up. Neshomeh smiled cheerfully. "Oh! Herr! We were just... on our way to meet you!"
"For beta-ing," Phobos added helpfully.
"Er. So I see," Herr said, trying to close his jaw. "Are you... trying to find the library?"
They nodded.
"Do you need help?"
[And... scene.]
*Shadowrun, I assume.
**You don't need to be clothed to play Shadowrun!
***Scattering d6s, of course. Since that's what they were doing. Playing Shadowrun.
I guess things get heated when couples play Shadowrun... *can't find a way to make a joke about it*
And my attempt at making a lame joke failed because my brain apparently thinks that my jokes are too lame to even try thinking them.
5'2", blue-gray eyes, petite, dark brown hair (shoulder-length), tends to wear steampunk stuff whenever possible. Prefers female pronouns; doesn't care about how she's shipped with people. Have fun.
"Oh, hey! You're awesome!"
"Well, yes, I know," BeautyID preened. "What brings this on?"
"Nothing!" Kaitlyn exclaimed (but did not explain). "You just are."
"Thank you," BiD acknowledged. "Now, how can I express my gratitude properly?"
"Oh, I can think of a few ways," Kaitlyn said - and leant in to kiss the other woman firmly on the lips.
After a while - a while that was filled with vaguely-watery noises - BiD asked, "Gratitude sufficiently expressed?"
"Hmm, I don't know," Kaitlyn said, her fingers trailing down the other woman's throat. "And of course, that was enjoyable - so now I have to show my gratitude, too..."
"We could be at this all day," BeautyID observed as Kaitlyn's fingers found her blouse's top button. She thought for a moment, and then added, "Good."
It wasn't too terribly long before the floor was strewn with clothes of various descriptions, a patchwork quilt of colours. Kaitlyn and BiD, on the other hand, were now seated on the floor, and displayed far fewer shades - a bit of brown, a bit of black, and quite a lot of skin-tones.
Also a hint of red, as BiD's tongue traced moist patterns over Kaitlyn's curves. Kaitlyn made a purring noise in her throat and stroked the other woman's hair lazily. A thought struck her, through the mists of pleasure. "Gosh - wouldn't you just die of embarassment if someone walked in just now?"
BeautyID lifted her head and considered this for a moment. "No," she decided. "I wouldn't notice."
Kaitlyn frowned. "Why not?"
"Because I'd be too busy doing this." And the brunette dived for Kaitlyn's waist.
Kaitlyn blinked. "Oh." Then, after a moment: "Oooh." And then, a little later: "Eep." Her hands, cut loose from central control, wandered vaguely over BiD's skin.
This apparently gave BeautyID ideas, as her hands swept down over Kaitlyn's stomach to vanish between her legs.
Kaitlyn let out a squeak.
There was a long period of considerable noise and movement.
Afterwards, Kaitlyn lay on her back, panting, her skin glistening with a film of sweat. She turned her head towards BeautyID, lying beside her in similar disarray.
"Oh, hey," the black-haired woman said, brushing tangled hair away from her face. "You're awesome."
I don't think I'm necessarily going to write a shipfic, that's just not my thing, but feel free to make one about me. (Then again, KittyReice has been pricking at my mind...as well as Dawn of Vulcan...) This should be interesting.
If you decide you need information on my appearance, I would be happy to tell you, though I'm kinda interested in seeing what you think of me from my board persona, rather than me just telling you.
Now, while I wait to see what happens, I have to go and try to write that darned meeting again and then my first mission.
...Dawn of Vulcan? Huh?
Someone want to jump on that and write something where either DawnFire or Silken Dawn goes to visit Hermione of Vulcan and... (take it from there)?
~DF
But then again, Silken Dawn could work too. I like where this idea is going!
Anyway, realizing I actually do have to give some basic description of myself, here you go:
I am an 18 year old, caucasian male with brown/red hair and hazel eyes, overweight and requires glasses to see more then three feet in front of my face.
...although then neither of us could write it. Huh.
…And then fight over me, which breaks up when I choose both of you. Here's a quote:
"It was like when someone asked Kirk or Picard. If you didn't want to start a fight, you said Janeway. This was the Janeway solution. And Voyager was a great show!"
I don't want to write this, though. It feels awkward enough saying this much.
World-Jumper, you suggested it.
Fine. Give me a bit and I'll write it. Probably.
Besides, I rarely write shipfic, and I'm writing for this. You don't even have to make it as NSFW as most of them are. I was just throwing out ideas.
... against writing about yourself (witness: Very Odd Day and friends). However, it's generally best not to invent and write a ship about yourself and someone else. If someone else has already suggested it, that's a different matter.
hS
Neshomeh had been waiting. It had been three hours since Huinesoron had left, saying he was going to "welcome back" the returning oldbies. Nesh knew what that meant, of course - who wouldn't want a piece of the hottest elf in the multiverse?
However, Nesh still hoped that Huinesoron wouldn't forget the oldbie that had stayed beside him (also under him, and over him, and wrapped around him) all those years. Those years…
The door opened, and a perfectly muscled leg entered the room, followed by an equally perfect torso and the handsomest face ever seen.
"Huinesoron!" Nesh cried.
"What, did you think I would forget all you've done for me?" Huinesoron said., running his hand across her shoulder and down her back. "How can I?"
"I couldn't forget what you have done for me," Nesh murmured.
"I think there are things we can do for each other right now," Huinesoron said.
"I thought maybe Starwind Rohana and BeautyID had done enough for you - ooh, that's nice."
"Not enough," Huinesoron said, then proceeded to show her exactly how much they needed each other.
***
Hope I haven't offended anyone. My gods, this is fun to write.
Go ahead.
Just over 5', light brown hair, color-changing eyes (ok, ok, they don't really, but...actually, after all the badfic, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd caught that Sue-trait). Approximately two decades old. Female, and whatever sexuality necessary.
One request, though...try not to scar me with what you write, ok? :)
~DawnFire
(May or may not have once posited a very meta-y relationship with someone named Agent Dawn. Make of that what you will.)
hS is male, British, brown hair, and rather too skinny for comfort. He may also be a Noldorin elf in disguise since the fall of Nargothrond, though the jury is still out on that.
Kaitlyn is female, American-but-most-Americans-think-she-sounds-British-now, loooong black hair, and glasses. Both are somewhere in their 20s (no, really - I lose track of this very easily).
Up next - shipping...
hS
Since they both recently returned, it must be because they felt a burning desire to see each other again... right?
*Re-adjusts blonde wig, glances around in a shifty manner*
Starwind Rohana and BeautyID may have both come back, and seen each other and decided to get together. However, the reason each of them came back was not, in fact, to see each other. (After all, how were they supposed to know the other would return at the same time?)
"You're quite wonderful alone, BeautyID," Starwind murmured. "But you know who would make this even better?"
"Hmm..." BeautyID mused. "This was wonderful, but unexpected. When I came back, there was something I expected. Someone I expected."
"Could this person possibly be the PPC's most charismatic elf?" Starwind asked.
"Why yes!" BeautyID said. "He got around a lot in the old days."
"Oh, I wish he would back!" Starwind sighed.
Due to plot contrivance, that was when the door opened, revealing the hottest person in the entire multiverse.
"Hello," Huinesoron said in his sexy British accent. "May I join you?"
"Oh, please!" Starwind and BeautyID giggled.
Huinesoron walked over to the bed and laid down, wrapping his arms around them both and fulfilling all their fantasies.
***
Heavily inspired by the Very Odd Day series.
That even reads like Odd Day...
(Speaking of which, question: I can't remember leaving any copies of those stories accessible. Are they really still up somewhere?)
hS
And they're hilarious, as are the other stories there. Please don't take them down... *offers a bribe of Swiss Bleepolate*
~DF
... this place? Because I honestly assumed that had been deleted years ago.
If so, I don't think I can delete it: I don't know the sign-in information any more. That website is very old.
(Also: there were once two sequels to Odd Day itself. They got... extremely epic. The principle behind them was that for three years, I wrote every ship I was mentioned in - in the same story. Which was hilarious, and I highly recommend that anyone who gets mentioned a lot do the same for themselves)
hS
I have now added that link to the Very Odd Day wiki page. Too make it easier to find the insanity, of course.
Oh, good. That is to say, the stories there were hilarious to read, and I'm glad they can't be taken down :D
(There were? Unfortunately, by your wording I'm guessing that they don't exist anywhere on the internet anymore...pity.)
~DF
Well, as the dirty-minded (ex-)editor of the Multiverse Monitor, I'm in. (Even if I'm only back for a brief visit.)
British female, 22 (good grief, I feel ancient), blonde, tall, long fingernails. (Looong fingernails. I've drawn blood. Once. Accidentally.)
[This popped into my head when I saw that Tray-Gnome is apparently a squirrel.] Silken Dawn couldn't take it anymore. She desperately needed to feel some nuts in her hands. Tray-Gnome's nuts, to be exact. The squirrel in question was merrily scampering about its home forest, when it saw a tall shape approach. "I'm nuts about your nuts," Silken Dawn whispered. "Please show them to me." Tray-Gnome took her to a secret hiding place deep in the woods and exhibited its nuts. However, Silken Dawn frowned. "I'm sorry, but... I thought there'd be, well, more to them," she said disappointedly. "Why isn't there?" "I like to eat my nuts!", the anthropomorphized squirrel also known as Tray-Gnome exclaimed with a big grin on its face. Silken Dawn fainted. Shaking its head, the squirrel ran off, intent on securing more nuts for its food stash. [Sorry for overusing the word "nuts" and possibly for using "it" as a pronoun for Tray-Gnome, depending on whether I misinterpreted "agender" or not.]
Well, at least I've learned something! My sincerest apologies, Tray-Gnome.
It's, uh, a very, very small squirrel...is this normal?
Then again, 'normal' and the PPC...not really mixy things...
~DF
I can't believe I (might have) been the origin of this madness.
Please, feel free to write about me. I am 6'4" with a muscular build, chin-length blonde hair, and I speak with an Albanian accent. Huinesoron has met me in person and can attest to the veracity of my self-description. You can pair me with anyone, male, female, in-between, EXCEPT the sons of Feanor, I CAN'T STAND those guys, ESPECIALLY Maglor, he's the absolute worst.
j/k I'm totally lying about the last thing.
How did you write such an accurate description? Do you have some sort of magic computer program to create it for you? :P
(You are aware that by posting this you have guaranteed yourself an appearance, yes?)
hS
Well, he wondered how many soldier jokes he was going to get. I don't think he expected THIS, though...
----**----
"So... you're a soldier."
Desdendelle glanced to the side, looking at Doclit curiously. "Why?" he asked. "Why is it important to a doctor?"
"Oh, you know how it is," Doc replied nervously. "I... well, I make sure animals don't get shot up."
"You won't have to worry about that," Des commented. "I don't actually shoot animals."
"Oh." Doc glanced to the side, before turning back to Des. Doc's gaze turned from Des' handsome sandy-blonde hair around the rest of his body. "I guess you pack a lot of guns, huh? I mean, being in the military and all."
Des rose an eyebrow, and then smirked. "As a matter of fact, I do," he said. "But I'm trained not to fire them unless I'm given good reason to."
"Oh?" "And what reason might that be?"
Des simply smirked, leaning closer to []. "Perhaps we can find out. I've got some free time later today..."
And so, Des and Doc ended up testing Des' guns throughout the rest of the day.
----**----
Sorry. Couldn't resist the number of gun-related euphemisms here. Hopefully you two aren't too bothered by it, LOL.
As everyone knows, all Italians are handsome and hot. Therefore, this was inevitable.
One day, Sergio Turbo stood in front of the mirror, admiring himself. He turned one way, and then the other, admiring his hot Italian body from all angles.
"My goodness, I am so handsome and hot, it's unbelievable. I can hardly believe it myself!" he said.
"I can believe it," said a husky voice.
Sergio spun around and beheld the most handsome man he had ever seen (besides himself, of course). The man was leaning in the doorway, one raised arm against the frame, which perfectly showed off his pecs. He wore a sultry grin on his face and little else.
"Who are you?" gasped Sergio.
"I'm Phobos," said he. "I have a hankering for some hot Italian sausage, and I heard you're the man to see."
Sergio folded his arms skeptically, although he was starting to feel a hankering of his own. "Maybe, but I don't give my sausage to just anyone. What makes you think you can handle it?"
"Well," said Phobos, sauntering into the room, "my family does come from the old country, and I have been known to make some damn good sausage myself. I'll show you my recipe if you show me yours."
This was agreed by both parties to be equitable, and they spent the rest of the evening sharing their hot Italian sausages until they were both sated.
(( I blame Kippur's meat series for the intrusion of the sausage euphemisms into what was supposed to be pure green-on-white smut. Oh well.
~Neshomeh ))
. . . green-on-white smut? Is that . . . elf on . . . Caucasian?
That's just me mangling the colors of the Italian flag. I forgot the red. >.
~Neshomeh
Oh my god, this is how these things go? I love this game!
Not sure if I'm actually gonna write something, but feel free to use me as you see fit ;-) For the record, I'm 22, female, 165cm (whatever that is in feet/inches), have dark red waist-length hair (yes, really) and brown eyes. All ships are acceptable and amusing.
"All right, everyone," said Desdendelle from the front of the room. "We've got a show tonight and we still can't get this song right. Focus!"
"We've been at this for hours," complained Sergio Turbo. "The violin stings are hurting my fingers."
"Can someone turn my sheet music?" squeaked Tray-Gnome from the middle of the brass coils of his not-squirrel-sized tuba. "I can't reach it."
"This is not what I was promised," said Ivan, at the marimba. "Where are the tight leather pants? Where are the screaming fans?"
"You think tight leather pants just happen?" said Desdendelle. "Not without lots of rehearsal and a catchy hit song that everyone will forget within a week, they don't. Now focus."
"Can I switch my bagpipes for Riese's tambourine?" asked doctorlit.
"No," Des barked. "You switched earlier, and I told you you were stuck with the pipes. Can we just get on with this, guys?"
There was a lot of grumbling and shuffling around. Desdendelle started pondering the merits of a solo career.
Suddenly, from the back corner of the room, a woman spoke up. No one had noticed her until now because she was very quiet. She said, "So... I was going to recommend that someone get on top of the boy band. But you know what they say, 'If you want something done right...'" She she smiled and began working at her buttons. "Who's first?"
The guys in the room looked around at each other, unsure of what to do. This woman looked way too innocent to touch.
It didn't take long for Makari to set the record straight on that count and prove that looks can be deceiving.
((You really can't say things like "get on top of the boy band" around this game. It might give people ideas. -Phobos))
Actually, to be accurate it's "any musical instrument and me".
I expect someone to write the actual concert, though. (Not me - I'm not even writing the stuff I'm supposed to...)
I'm a 19 year old Female ????(Read:I have no Idea whatsoever)Sexual
Please don't do anything crazy (yeah right)
I could swear we just had it, but now that I think about it, I guess it has been a whole year! Well, I dunno how well I can write shipping fic, but I'll try my hand at it, and as with last year I'm in too!
16-year-old female with whatever orientation works for your particular shipfic.
All kinds of ships, I guess. I'm male.
Pronouns he/they please :)
I missed out on the last one or two. If anyone really wants the details, I'm 24, female, blonde, and bespectacled. Oh, and English.
You can call my character Hermione. Shoulder length curly brown hair, glasses, brown eyes. 5'4". Bisexual for the purposes of this. Make Star Trek, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, or My Little Pony references.
I probably won't write myself, but have fun. Please don't scar me. (hides in corner a la Fluttershy)
*whispers* I'm up for shipping any which way, including cargo. :)
25-year-old female, shortish, blonde, freckles, sometimes wears glasses.
Go ahead, ship me. I wonder how many army jokes will be used.
I'm an 18 (almost 19) male. I'm also a soldier.
Short sandy hair, 172 cm (that's 5'6''), black rectangular eyeglasses. No goatee - the army made me shave it :(
I'll join in
19, whatever, whatever.
oh, can I add in that people aren't supposed to write about themselves? just to avoid last years mishap?
Twenty-two, female*, bisexual, short and blond.
*not particular about gender, though
Because if so, I'm all for!
And I ship the Madoka fans, the Nanoha fans, and the bronies (separately, but together would work, too). Friendship is magic, indeed. *eyebrow waggle*
~Neshomeh
But, seriously, do you really think that shipping those three categories is a good idea? 'Cause breeding them means that we're going to have more "FRIENDSHIP AND BIG BOOM!" fanatics here.
This has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I am in two of the three categories, and in fact I am a big fan of Homura aka Hommando and Nanoha aka White Devil.
Why should Magical Girls bother with wands, when they can pack some serious firepower?
No, really. My memory is awful. I have no idea what you're talking about. o.o
(However, one of your other posts has given me an evil idea of my own. Muahaha.)
~Neshomeh
... Or was it Huinesoron? My memory isn't any better than tours.
-Counts on his hands- for the Nanoha and Madoka fandoms, IIRC there are me, Firemagic and Sergio. Someone should write a threesome. With lots of befriending. And giant magical lasers. And tea. (Mammaries optional.)
Or me/tea, for that matter.
... This is going to lead to someone writing me/Des/tea, isn't it?
~Neshomeh
There was a cup of tea sitting on the table. Neshomeh and Desdendelle both eyed it, for the tea was the love of both their lives, and each wanted to snatch it up and show it the extent of their feelings. Neshomeh reached for it, just as Desdendelle did the same. Their hands collided on the cup.
Des tugged on the cup, and Nesh pulled back. Des responded by tugging harder.
"That's mine!" Des said, trying to yank the cup out of Nesh's hands.
"No, it's mine!" Nesh insisted, keeping a firm grip and pulling harder. Des redoubled his efforts, now working on prying her fingers off.
"Yes!" he exclaimed triumphantly, holding up the cup to gaze at it in adoration.
"NOOO! MINE!" Nesh cried, diving over the table and tackling Des and the teacup to the ground. The tea splashed on both of them. They watched the teacup roll off into the distance and mourned the loss of their great love.
Nesh lay her head on Des's chest. "Why did we fight? The tea is lost!" She sniffed his tea stained shirt, then lifted her head. They locked eyes, simultaneously coming to the realization that mutual love of tea meant mutual love, and they fell into a passionate embrace. Who needs a teacup when you have a lover who is covered in tea?
***
Hope I didn't offend either of you. It was fun to write, and took much longer than it looks like it did.
I am not offended, for this is awesome. (Not as good as tea, though.) ^_~
~Neshomeh
Twenty-six-year-old asexual male. It would probably be useful to ignore the asexual part, though.
An idea has already presented itself, so I will be back with a fic later today.
-Phobos
19, pansexual, and agender!
22-year-old bisexual guy here. Go wild, ladies and gentlemen. =P
21 years old straight male. Ship to your heart's content.
I'm Italian, too, so I am handsome and hot and... Nah, scratch that.
As if anyone would believe me anyway.
I may or may not write, though-- finals are upon me and ahuerhulfhn...
Probably will not post, but feel free to use me as a character in any and all ensuing insanity!
And I call out (but don't plan to write): Riese and Lielac. If all parties are willing, of course. Otherwise ignore my calling-out.
Though Lie hasn't posted anything here yet, at least that I can see, so shouldn't you wait for that before writing anything?
Which isn't to say that you couldn't write something. I don't mind, and it doesn't have to be Lielac I'm shipped with :P
Though 'you' was more referring to Kitty, but whatever.
Though Lie hasn't posted anything here yet, at least that I can see...
For the purposes of writing accurate height differences and such:
5'4", brownish-blondish hair that is wavy enough to pass as curly but not really and falls a little past the shoulders, I don't even know what my eye color is but it's probably grey-green or blue-green.
For further clarification: I'm nineteen, wear glasses and am bisexual for the purposes of this.
I may not post, but feel free to have your wicked way with me...~
20, 6'1 male. Brown hair, blue eyes. I don't always switch-hit, but when I do, I prefer to do it in Shipfest. Stay classy, my friends.
Though usually I seem to be too innocent to be touched. Also, I'm quiet and say nothing.
May I recommend that someone get on top of the boy band vintage before it goes off?
And as usual, feel free to ship me to the moon with whoever you choose.
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