Subject: Suefics turned into movies, eh?
Author:
Posted on: 2014-03-09 08:45:00 UTC

Excuse me while I channel my rage through the ancient art of greentexting.

>Be me, circa 2009
>Decide to check out the Eragon movie
>"It can't be that bad! The books are already terrible. How can they mess it up even further?"
>Get my hands on a copy of the movie
>Don't even bother to check the ratings online
>A terrible move, in hindsight
>The movie starts
>None of the characters match their in-book descriptions
>The motives and backgrounds of certain characters are completely changed
>A dragon grows to full size in ten seconds flat with 20% less cool
>All of my what
>"Did the movie writers even read the book?" I say
>nope.avi
>Some characters don't appear at all
>Severe spatial compressions as entire important locales are ignored in favour of "plot"
>The King wants Eragon and his dragon dead in the movie, as opposed to alive in the books (in order to use Eragon's female dragon as a means of resuscitating the virtually-extinct dragon race)
>The King's face is shown
>ENTIRE KEY PLOT EVENTS RETCONNED EVERY FIVE MINUTES
>Arya the elf princess is an obvious expy of Arwen
>She's essentially a Warrior!Diplomat!Sue
>Oh good, the writers didn't change her character at all
>Tronjheim, the dwarfen city-in-a-hollowed-mountain, is not actually carved out of the stone, it's made of wood
>The writers broke everything that made this series somewhat palatable
>But I can't stop watching
>I'm too entrenched in this, I gotta see it to the end
>where doing it man
>WHERE MAKING THIS HAPEN
>Final battle ensues
>This doesn't look like the siege of Minas Tirith at all
>They got Durza wrong
>What is he flying on? Is he supposed to be a Ringwraith now?
>Eragon kills him without having his back opened like a can of tuna
>This, along with the rest of the screw-ups in the film, actually prevents the events of the second book from happening
>Film ends
>All of my rage


Final verdict:


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