One of the primary things that bothered me about this mission is that it felt like you were overly focused on your own message. There's nothing wrong with using a story to convey a moral or lesson, but the way it was done here felt very obvious: "A group of agents, one of them openly gay, is assigned a homophobic trainee right before they undertake a mission involving homophobia as a major plot point." It's a scenario that, at least to me, seems artificial. It took me out of the story in a way I don't like.

There was very little action taken by your agents throughout most of the story beyond dialogue. As doctorlit mentioned, a lot of what they did was just comment on fic quotes. This read like a fleshed-out MST in places, which is not what I want out of missions.

The presence of Wave Crest felt entirely unnecessary. He added nothing to the story apart from a few less-than-stellar jokes and a few bits where he yelled at de Chagny. What's more, I didn't really like him. What little I saw of his character I found to be unpleasant and grating.

I was also not a fan of the ending. Logically speaking, there's no way those final confrontations should have gone as they did. The agents identified the types of Sue-specters very specifically earlier on in the mission. This suggested to me that they knew what they were getting into, that they would be prepared to counter whatever tactics the specters would try. And yet, all four agents were mesmerized in very short order. It felt like a cheat intended to force a final confrontation between de Chagny and Eusabius.

There were some parts I liked, to be certain. I'm very glad that you didn't take the easy way out with de Chagny's beliefs and have him completely abandon his preconceptions at the end. As doctorlit said, it's (sadly) realistic.

Finally, let me apologize if any of my comments seemed overly confrontational or harsh. My intention was not to insult or attack. I am just trying to relay my thoughts on your piece as best as I can.

The big, major victory you've pulled off here is using Myrin to show the proper way to portray a homophobic character getting his bigotry shoved back in his face. It's reasonable for him to start out that way, being that he's kinda sorta from Phantom of the Opera's time period. Then you use Eusabius as the counter-example against what Myrin believes about homosexual people, while possessed!replacement!Ike (sheesh) serves as a bit of a dark mirror for Myrin to see and dangerously far homophobia can be taken. Also (sadly) realistic is that Myrin doesn't have a complete change of heart by the end, but still recognizes that he was being hurtful and rude, and that he had been wrong about some things, at the least.

The pacing did get slowed down significantly in this mission, and I think it's mainly because both Eusabius and Myrin have similar meticulous, conjunction-lacking speech patterns. I realize why they both speak that way, but trying to read their dialogue in a realistic way makes some of the conversations stretch on forever, which gets especially annoying when they're doing little more than commenting on a fic quote you've already shown us.

I like the situations with the three different wraiths at the end. Each one had a distinct and recognizable attitude and effect on the PPCers, which makes them stand out immensely from the rest of the mission. I imagine the one that had been possessing Ike is another unique type that's likely to show up again in other PPC spin-offs.

The way Wave Crest makes such ribald jokes is a little off-putting, considering the continuum he's from. I know you set up his reading about human sexuality in "Vals Azul," but as he talks now, he really feels more like a human character who happens to be a pony, rather than an actual My Little Pony character. Specifically, he sounds so similar to Florestan half the time, that Wave Crest almost doesn't feel like he's there at all.

Finally, this exchange confuses me:

“It seems that way,” Wave Crest replied. He then looked up to the other two agents. “So this is what I’ve got to look forward to?”

“Not quite,” said Eusabius. “Missions rarely ever become so trying on a person’s soul. And most of our missions have been rather innocuous.”

“So I noticed,” Wave Crest replied. He then looked up. “I have to say, it’s interesting work. I’m glad they saw me fit to be an agent.”

What has Wave Crest noticed? He's only been on one mission (a horrible one), so how has he noticed that "most missions" have been "innocuous" for this RC?

Despite the fact that the original fic would no doubt have made me want to stab things and set them on fire. It's always interesting to have non-human perspectives, too; I suspect that Wave Crest may rapidly become my favourite... =]

but I couldn’t stop reading, although I don’t even know the various canons. I liked all the interactions of your agents, especially Myrins reactions to modern times.

Unfortunately I have to report some minor problems which escaped your attention.

The Elite smiled. "I’m glad you did," said Eusabius.
Isn’t this Zerenze speaking?

"Technically, you are," says Wave Crest.
Tense shift detected.

They shrugged, and then they watched as Marth entered his apartment. The apartment was not too badly described, all things considered, and so they were able to enter a rather tidy apartment.
This feels a bit repetitive. You may want to find another word for apartment.

"Yeah," Wave Crest. "We can skip the rest of this chapter, basically..."
There is a verb missing, probably said or a synonym of this.

He glanced over at Eusabius breifly before looking back to Florestan.
You probably meant briefly.

They watched Ganondorf’s tactics became more brutal,
I cannot explain the rule that applies here, but I keep thinking it should be become.

The disguised wolf shrugged. "Curiosity," he says.
Another tense shift detected.

"And what of you, mon amis?" Myrin asked. "Do you have any… significant others? Is that the term?"
I’m not sure whether I get this right. Since Myrin seems to be talking to Eusabius alone, he should use the singular mon ami, but I don’t expect Myrin to assume that Eusabius may have more than one "significant other", so this may be Myrin asking about Eusabius and Wave Crest’s "significant others", and referring to both of them as mon amis?

The disguised wolf glanced to the side, suddenly feeling a strange rush of emotion. At first, the disguised wolf could not place it, but...
This feels a little bit repetitive again.

It was then that the disguised wolf realized that he realized just how out of time he was.
And this seems to be more than just repetition, although I couldn’t call it bad grammar.

He glances to the side.
Yet another tense shift.

The two agents sat there, comforting "Ike". The character replacement spent several minutes crying, both of the agents only able to sit there and physically comfort the replacement.
Again this feels repetitive. Perhaps the first sentence should just be dropped, and then one of the replacement could be replaced by "Ike"?

That's all I noticed.

The author of the badfic may not have been malicious, but well meant is often the opposite of what your mission is – well done.

HG