Subject: Speaking about it...
Author:
Posted on: 2013-10-24 20:30:00 UTC
I kinda need another set of eyes for the first chapter of Blank Sprite. Can you have a look?
Subject: Speaking about it...
Author:
Posted on: 2013-10-24 20:30:00 UTC
I kinda need another set of eyes for the first chapter of Blank Sprite. Can you have a look?
The interlude I, Firemagic and Sergio Turbo wrote is finally ready, as is my latest mission. So, lo and behold!
Let's do this!
Lasting Damage:
Now this was a sweet little thing. I don't have too much to say about it, 'cause it was a sweet little piece, it had good interactions with the characters, and really, that's all you need from an interlude, y'know?
So yeah, this was good. Now on to the next one...
End in Tears:
Okay, this one I did have a slight issue with: I think the main problem is that the bulk of the action just goes by too quickly. I think that mostly, it might be a function of the fact that, for a PPC mission, there's almost nothing about the fic it's snarking in there. The vast majority of the mission was summary, with barely enough ficbit to qualify as a proper PPC mission.
And yes, I get that End in Tears was less about the Suefic and more about the culmination of Anebrin's snapping, but I feel that you could indeed still have gotten that across even while showing a little more of the Suefic. I don't know: I get your intent, but at the same time I feel like your intent basically sacrificed the fic being sporked for the sake of character development, which is not something I feel should be done in a PPC mission.
I don't know. Color me a little less than impressed with this one.
I haven't read End In Tears yet, but considering the little glimpse we got of Anebrin's desperation in Lasting Damage, and the fact that you said his story ends there, I can only imagine what happens.
-Aila
I actually had a less emotional reaction to Ends In Tears. It felt sort of like the whole thing was on fast-forward, and you progressed though everything too fast. Since I don't know Agent!Des and Anebrin particularly well, I didn't have enough time to get emotionally invested in them. The ending in particular felt rushed. Still, good story.
-Aila
(Which is also why I'm not commenting, authors--you've already seen my reactions and so on.)
~DF
I kinda need another set of eyes for the first chapter of Blank Sprite. Can you have a look?
Share away :)
As is often the case, however, it may take me a few days or so to be able to get to it (although there is the weekend coming up, so possibly not). So if time's a factor in this, let me know, and try to find an additional beta.
...I should have a page somewhere with that as a disclaimer, shouldn't I.
~DF
I can post it in December if I want to. However, I kinda need you Google-stuff mail address to add you in the doc...
Whoops. I kind of thought everyone had it by now...I think mainly because you were one of the authors of the interlude I betaed, so I thought you had it as well, and I'm going to stop now before my grammar leaves me completely.
dawnfire360@gmail.com
~DF