...Because neither did I, on account of not knowing whether they existed or not.

Haha, yellow? Seriously?

And I probably was better off having fun with my cousins than being horrified by a spambot, but still...I missed it :(

...wait a minute, that's a good thing, right? Hm.

Let's give three cheers for TNA! Hip hip hurrah! Hip hip hurrah! Hip hip HURRAH!

(Yup. Gilbert & Sullivan references. I make them. Comes of liking and having grown up with the operas, and of recently finding a badfic where the Sue's surname was Fairfax. In Middle-earth, no less. I couldn't get the Yeomen of the Guard references out of my head. And her first name is Aria...which has finally struck me as hilarious. I have no idea how I missed that before. I mean, it's probably accidental, but...well, that hardly means I can't find it funny!)

~DF

YA SEE, ORKZ WUZ GENETI...GENEC...MADE BY A BUNCHA REELLY KUNNIN' GITZ TA FOIGHT DA METAL GITZ (Necrons) A LONG, LONG TOIME AGO. WEN DEY WUZ MADE, DEY WUZ MADE TA GIVE OFF PSYCHI...PSY...BRAIN ENERGEE. ALL OV DA BOYZ IS AKSHULLY WEIRDBOYZ (Psykers who tap into the gestalt psychic power that all Orks generate), BUT DEY DUN' KNOW IT. DIS POWER IS SO ZOGGIN' POWERFUL, IT CHANGES REE-ALITY AROUND ORKZ. BASIKLLY, ORKY TEKNOLOGY WORKS CUZ DA ORKZ FINK IT DUZ. DAT'S WHY RED REALLY DUZ MAKE FINGS GO FASTA, AND DAT'S WHY WELDING AN ECKSTRA BARREL ON A SHOOTA MAKES IT SHOOT TWICE AS MUCH DAKKA, EVEN THOUGH THE ECKSTRA BARREL AIN'T KONNEKTED TO NUFFIN'.

-]I[- Translated to Low Gothic by Inquisitor Amberly Vail, Ordo Xenos, and put in broader context by Inquisitor Kilroy Vincentus, Ordo Malleus. -]I[-

***

Orks are a race genetically engineered by the 'Old Ones', the same race that created the Eldar, in order to fight the C'Tan and their Necron hordes. The Old Ones were all but wiped out in the ensuing conflict, leaving their child races to their own devices.

The Eldar developed amazing power and technology, to the point where they could satisfy any need or desire with but a single thought. However, they eventually fell into decadence, and debauched themselves so much that they created a new Chaos God - Slaanesh, the Prince of Excess - and tore a hole in the Materium through which energy from the Warp constantly flows. This anomaly is known colloquially as the Eye of Terror.

The Orks, their psychic link to their progenitors severed, fell back on the activities programmed into their genes: fight and expand. Orks are powerful Psykers, although few of them ever realize it. Every Ork generates psychic energy independent of the Immaterium (Warp), usually called 'WAAAGH! Energy' by members of the Ordo Xenos familiar with the aliens. The Orks channel this energy into many things, usually without realizing it. The more Orks are present, the more powerful the distortion of reality they cause, which can get alarmingly intense. Give an Ork a piece of scrap metal and convince him it's a gun, and, if enough Orks are around, it WILL fire bullets.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look. One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!" Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!" The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He is the biggest Ork among them, and he did just prove it. Maybe he did fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

As you can see, it is the BELIEF that Ork technology functions that actually allows it to function. This is also why Ork technology, when captured by the Imperium, invariably ceases to function (or outright explodes) when a non-Ork attempts to use it. This perplexes members of the Adeptus Mechanicus not privy to the above information, as they believe that the Orks have simply browbeaten the Machine-Spirits of their devices into functioning. That being the case, they reason, the devices should work far better when the Machine-Spirits are given the proper respect and veneration. We have yet to observe an instance of this actually occurring.

***

-]I[- The above information is to be regarded as Classificatus Totalis. Any access by unauthorized personnel will result in their being regarded as heretics and declared xcommunicate Traitoris. Ave Imperator.

Thought for the day: An open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and unguarded. -]I[-