Subject: Wait, so...
Author:
Posted on: 2013-02-26 17:50:00 UTC
You just released sensitive documents...
To done random guy who had to babysit a group of eyesight-enhancement-wearing goons with powers that could, potentially, threaten the safety of at least the nearest city block?
Uh, I question the safety of this decision on the Imperium's part.
(which I probably shouldn't, considering the Emperor is the sovereign ruler of one million worlds and such.)
An extremely rude spambot has been dealt with. Apparently it is from an ISP in California known to be 'suspicious'.
Also, apparently it is now dead. Serves it right.
TNA
And now we return to our regularly scheduled silliness.
...Because neither did I, on account of not knowing whether they existed or not.
But I don't really know what was going on, there was something shiny and I didn't pay attention.
-Ooh! Shiny!
And someone baked some lovely cookies for us! Yay for Karen the Team Parent!
Again, good work smashing everything in sight (or hiding, because that was equally important and I'm glad Apricot and Myrddin took on that job.) Come have cookies before I eat them all.
Heh, I'm barely getting back into the PPC and we get a spambot. Lovely tidings.
In my case, literally - I'm in an office right now.
It was the most obnoxious and repetitive spam bot we've had in a while, now.
And it really seemed to dislike things, if the name it went under was anything to go by. (PH**K YOUR YELLOW bring my personal favorite. What'd the color yellow ever do to it?)
Haha, yellow? Seriously?
And I probably was better off having fun with my cousins than being horrified by a spambot, but still...I missed it :(
...wait a minute, that's a good thing, right? Hm.
Let's give three cheers for TNA! Hip hip hurrah! Hip hip hurrah! Hip hip HURRAH!
(Yup. Gilbert & Sullivan references. I make them. Comes of liking and having grown up with the operas, and of recently finding a badfic where the Sue's surname was Fairfax. In Middle-earth, no less. I couldn't get the Yeomen of the Guard references out of my head. And her first name is Aria...which has finally struck me as hilarious. I have no idea how I missed that before. I mean, it's probably accidental, but...well, that hardly means I can't find it funny!)
~DF
But also cereal, socialism, upside-down, ears, and toilets. I am not kidding here.
It must be a plot.
OoooOOOOOoooo...
That's about it, really.
Of course, they could have been nonsensical kanji, which wouldn't be immediately appatent, but appatently we have a few people here who read those, so I guess it would be appatent.
h(t)S
If you'll excuse my language:
AELDRADAMNEDPHONEISWEARTOGODIAMGOINGTODESTROYTHISPIECEOF-
So, moving on...
There, there, let it all out...
Don't ask ME why...
See, when I hear the name Fairfax, I think of that jerk Lucien from Fable 2, who shot my sister, and then my dog, AND THEN ME.
Who I ended up killing with a music box.
I grant you, it was an ancient music box crafted by terrible magics first employed by the Old Kingdom Rulers themselves, but still. I killed him with a music box.
Because that needs a like.
Maybe I can offer that as a site update to The Nameless Admin?
I'm guessing you're referencing a mission here?
Hm, speaking of Lucien...I don't suppose the name Lucien Blade is familiar? He's the dragon-rider (yes, in M-e) father of Aria Fairfax, but I feel like I know the name from somewhere else.
Music box. Hm. That's not one that plays a hypnotic tune, is it? No, wait, that's the Alice Genderbender one that Jay and Acacia look at in the Original Series. In which case, does this particular music box work similarly?
...you know what, maybe you should just give me a link to the mission. It sounds good.
~DF
I have no idea which mission you mean, if there is one.
Also, dragon rider? Seriously? With that massive Eragon post going on down there? Do I have to brick a suethor?
Yes, music box. It's actually supposed to grant a wish, but it turns out that that was a hoax (?) on Theresa the Seer's part. In reality, it ended up being aweapon, and the Spire (read: evil magic tower) itself granted the wishes.
Fable is actually a very complex story once you get past all the bullhonkey. I can't even properly explain it, and I played the games.
Wait, it's a game? Hm. I thought you were talking about a mission.
Yup, dragon-rider. In Middle-earth. Where, you know, the dragons aren't exactly friendly. I do hope the Suethor didn't take the idea from Eragon...that would just be annoying. Then again, the story reads like she's 13 or so, so...hopefully it's not a crossover.
Hm. So...music box weapon? How does that work? (Do I want to know?)
I know absolutely nothing about Fable (beyond what you've just told me), and therefore thought that it was the title of a badfic/mission. Heh.
~DF
Fable is a series of fantasy games with a very Monty Python-esque sense of humor that are equal parts actiony, suspenseful, dark and scary, and glitchy as all get-out (although to Fable 3's credit, I have yet to discover any game-breaking bugs like what I have in Fable 2.)
The series is about the Heroes of old (Heroes is capitalized because they were important figures of history and had their own guild), and how they are slowly being reborn in a somewhat hectic time for medieval/industrial Albion. Namely, the Crawler coming back to wrap the world in darkness.
As for the music box, my only explanation for how it works is that the Old Kingdom (which I assume to be the gods of the Fable-verse, as they're constantly made out that way) infused it with really powerful magic. It does, however, play a very hypnotic and somewhat creepy tune.
And that's about as far as I know about it.
...actually, that's pretty much all I have to say. It does sound interesting, though.
~DF
I imagine it being whispered in an awe-struck Sherlock Holmes voice.
Even when a girl says it.
I can't. My ability to can took a plunge off the deep end.
Now, me, I generally think TOS Spock. And that's generally how I mean it, too. Sherlock Holmes works too, though--but I can't say I hear the word as anything but Spock saying it in a rather dry tone of voice.
Oh dear. I suppose you could try coaxing it back with...hm...what does an ability to can like to eat?
~DF
His tone is always dry! That's like, a trademark of his entire race!
I think cans like eating tuna...
Unless you spot an Imperium ship drifting in space author gas, in which case, paint it red and fly it back to your base for upgrades.
(Yeah, I've READ about those two gags. How the heck do you fly a ship without GAS? And why does painting it red actually make it go faster? Frickin' orc logic...)
YA SEE, ORKZ WUZ GENETI...GENEC...MADE BY A BUNCHA REELLY KUNNIN' GITZ TA FOIGHT DA METAL GITZ (Necrons) A LONG, LONG TOIME AGO. WEN DEY WUZ MADE, DEY WUZ MADE TA GIVE OFF PSYCHI...PSY...BRAIN ENERGEE. ALL OV DA BOYZ IS AKSHULLY WEIRDBOYZ (Psykers who tap into the gestalt psychic power that all Orks generate), BUT DEY DUN' KNOW IT. DIS POWER IS SO ZOGGIN' POWERFUL, IT CHANGES REE-ALITY AROUND ORKZ. BASIKLLY, ORKY TEKNOLOGY WORKS CUZ DA ORKZ FINK IT DUZ. DAT'S WHY RED REALLY DUZ MAKE FINGS GO FASTA, AND DAT'S WHY WELDING AN ECKSTRA BARREL ON A SHOOTA MAKES IT SHOOT TWICE AS MUCH DAKKA, EVEN THOUGH THE ECKSTRA BARREL AIN'T KONNEKTED TO NUFFIN'.
-]I[- Translated to Low Gothic by Inquisitor Amberly Vail, Ordo Xenos, and put in broader context by Inquisitor Kilroy Vincentus, Ordo Malleus. -]I[-
***
Orks are a race genetically engineered by the 'Old Ones', the same race that created the Eldar, in order to fight the C'Tan and their Necron hordes. The Old Ones were all but wiped out in the ensuing conflict, leaving their child races to their own devices.
The Eldar developed amazing power and technology, to the point where they could satisfy any need or desire with but a single thought. However, they eventually fell into decadence, and debauched themselves so much that they created a new Chaos God - Slaanesh, the Prince of Excess - and tore a hole in the Materium through which energy from the Warp constantly flows. This anomaly is known colloquially as the Eye of Terror.
The Orks, their psychic link to their progenitors severed, fell back on the activities programmed into their genes: fight and expand. Orks are powerful Psykers, although few of them ever realize it. Every Ork generates psychic energy independent of the Immaterium (Warp), usually called 'WAAAGH! Energy' by members of the Ordo Xenos familiar with the aliens. The Orks channel this energy into many things, usually without realizing it. The more Orks are present, the more powerful the distortion of reality they cause, which can get alarmingly intense. Give an Ork a piece of scrap metal and convince him it's a gun, and, if enough Orks are around, it WILL fire bullets.
For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look. One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!" Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!" The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He is the biggest Ork among them, and he did just prove it. Maybe he did fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.
As you can see, it is the BELIEF that Ork technology functions that actually allows it to function. This is also why Ork technology, when captured by the Imperium, invariably ceases to function (or outright explodes) when a non-Ork attempts to use it. This perplexes members of the Adeptus Mechanicus not privy to the above information, as they believe that the Orks have simply browbeaten the Machine-Spirits of their devices into functioning. That being the case, they reason, the devices should work far better when the Machine-Spirits are given the proper respect and veneration. We have yet to observe an instance of this actually occurring.
***
-]I[- The above information is to be regarded as Classificatus Totalis. Any access by unauthorized personnel will result in their being regarded as heretics and declared xcommunicate Traitoris. Ave Imperator.
Thought for the day: An open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and unguarded. -]I[-
You just released sensitive documents...
To done random guy who had to babysit a group of eyesight-enhancement-wearing goons with powers that could, potentially, threaten the safety of at least the nearest city block?
Uh, I question the safety of this decision on the Imperium's part.
(which I probably shouldn't, considering the Emperor is the sovereign ruler of one million worlds and such.)
By decree of the Adeptus Terra, and in light of my current...detatched duty, I have been granted the authority to release certain parts of the Inquisitorial archives and records to those who may need them in order to better carry out their duties.
Also, we're the Inquisition. Don't question us - we know where you live.
-]I[- Thought for the day: My armor is contempt, my shield is disgust, my sword is hatred.. -]I[-
Trick question, nobody expects the inquisition.
If you use it for the benefit of the Imperium and/or Plot Continuum, probably never (unless they show up to recruit you).
If you use it against the Imperium/Plot Continuum, also probably never. We'll just have a Vindicare assassin snipe you from halfway across the continent, then burn your city down so the heresy can't spread.
-]I[- Thought for the day: There is no such thing as innocence, only degrees of guilt. -]I[-
'Cause Madoka Kaname, the Concept of Hope and Goddess of Magical Girls, is watching over the PPC.
If a single-minded, intollerant heresy as the Imperium touches the PPC, it will crumble into dust upon Her gaze.
And then will be reborn as a strong, open-minded culture, as the Goddess believes in forgiveness and hope for everyone, everywhere and everywhen in the whole multiverse.
"If someone tells me that it's wrong to hope, I'll tell them they're wrong every time." - Word of the Goddess>
...if I told you that the Emperor of Mankind looks like this:
and totally not like a dying, desiccated husk on a failing life support machine too complex to repair and whose mind is trapped in a dimension called the Warp and fighting the forces of Chaos who threaten to consume humanity while simultaneously operating a psychic beacon crucial to FTL travel?
"The Emperor protects!" - many a Guardsman's famous last words.
Everything is all italicized in this topic now.
Must've messed up the last tag. I am 100% sure I ut it in correctly, though.
If you have other questions about Orks, or anything else, direct them to me and I shall answer, insofar as I am permitted to.
-]I[- Thought for the day: Knowledge is power, guard it well. -]I[-
In the words of TOS: Worship the Python. It is very Monty.
~DF
Now I can continue writing snarky comedies and reading topics without wondering who let the trolls out.
(And because I just have to make this music reference: WHO, WHO, WHO WHO WHO LET THE TROLLS OUT?
Let the brickings commence.)
You do exist! Mind if you be my new Dark, or at least Tanned Lord? Thanks for cleanup too.