Subject: I was too hasty.
Author:
Posted on: 2013-10-16 06:23:00 UTC
I jumped the gun, asking for permission to write PPC stories so soon. My characters were also badly thought out.
Forget I asked.
I might do so later.
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Okay, here I go, asking for permission... by
on 2013-10-10 11:31:00 UTC
Reply
Yeah, I'm asking for permission. Here are my madmen I mean agents;
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Name: Johnny Archer
Gender: Male
Old Job: Wanderer
Birthdate: July 21, 2270
Age: 21
Race: Human
Original Continuum: Fallout
Home: Vault 53, Mojave Wasteland, Earth
Strong Skills: Guns, Energy Weapons, Melee, Lockpicking, Science, Survival, Repair, Sneak
Best Statistics: Perception, Endurance, Intelligence, Agility
Traits: Fast Shot, Good Natured
Perks: Friend of the Night, Swift Learner, Hunter, Run 'n Gun
Personality: He is good natured, with the interests of people he likes at heart but get on his bad side and he is cold and calculating, devising how many ways he can harm or kill you, especially if you've harmed his friends. He tries to be funny, but his attempts normally fail and he is a tad clumsy.
Apperance: He is skinny, has beige skin, brown, unkempt hair and a roughly cut goatee. He is average height.
Gear: He wears an old navy blue polo shirt and a brown tie with grey diagonal stripes under a buttoned up, tattered brown blazer with vertical blue-grey stripes with many inside pockets filled with things under an old, tattered, grey overcoat with even more pockets filled with more things. He wears olive cargo pants riddled with holes and old hiking boots. He also has a (blue) Pip-Boy 3000, a hunting shotgun, a .44 magnum revolver and a Laser Rifle. He normally stores his things in his coat, blazer, or in his makeshift rucksack.
Department: Department of Floaters, ESAS division
Partners: Norkas the Lonely and Eredan
RC: #99
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Name: Norkas the Lonely
Gender: Male
Old Job: Wanderer
Birthdate: ME 10 years before construction of the White-Gold Tower begins, 15th of Mid-Year
Age: Unknown, supposedly into the thousands
Race: Argonian
Original Continuum: The Elder Scrolls
Home: Helstrom, Argonia, Tamriel, Nirn
Strong Skills: Destruction Magic, Restoration Magic, Blade, Lockpicking, Sneak, Agility, Acrobatics
Major Attributes: Strength, Intelligence, Speed, Agility, Willpower
Personality: Originally, he was much warmer, but now, he is so old, he has grown distant from many and has a haughty air about him. He can still laugh though.
Apperance: He has blue tinged scales, 2 horns and hair-feather-things that form a crest down his head. He is skinny. He is average height.
Gear: He wears a dark green cloak with a hood over travelling robes, grey pants, brown fur boots and a knapsack over his back. He has a sword called Flamedancer inhabited by a Flame Atronach and the blade is forged from an alloy made from ebony, dwemer metal and skyforge steel. He also has a steel dagger.
Department: Department of Floaters, ESAS division
Partners: Johnny Archer and Eredan
RC: #99
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Name: Eredan
Gender: Male
Old Job: Wanderer/Mercenary
Birthdate: SA circa. 1000 January 23rd
Age: Unknown, in the thousands
Race: Human, quarter Elvish (Noldor)
Original Continuum: Lord of the Rings
Home: An un-named hamlet in a valley between the Grey Mountains and the Misty Mountains
Strong Skills: Swordsmanship, Archery, Surivival, Agility
Personality: He is insular and humourless. He only speaks when necessary and always takes things seriously. He is quick to anger. He is uneducated.
Apperance: He has long, brown, very messy and unkempt hair and a matching beard. He is skinny and stinks. He is slightly taller than normal.
Gear: He wears an elvish cloak over a brown tunic, ripped breaches, old fur boots and a makeshift knapsack over his back. He has a Numenorean sword on his belt and carries an unstrung bow with the string wrapped around the shaft. He uses it as a walking stick when not fighting. He has orcish arrows sticking out of his knapsack.
Department: Department of Floaters, ESAS division
Partners: Johnny Archer and Norkas the Lonely
RC: #99
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Yeah, I thought about it a bit. And some of my writing;
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9711913/1/War-of-the-Worlds
And last of all, first mission;
http://www.quotev.com/story/3141325/The-fire-blossom-A-Legolas-love-story/2/ -
I was too hasty. by
on 2013-10-16 06:23:00 UTC
Reply
I jumped the gun, asking for permission to write PPC stories so soon. My characters were also badly thought out.
Forget I asked.
I might do so later. -
Treebeard has a message for you: by
on 2013-10-17 16:29:00 UTC
Reply
He would have said more, but he ran out of room... by which I mean, the internet isn't big enough for how much he wanted to say. He's like that.
On a more serious note, please don't give up. Permission isn't designed to be an impenetrable barrier to anyone ever writing PPC stories - it's meant to be a ground-level filter. That's one reason I left my hat firmly off while making comments: I'm very picky about Middle-earth stuff, more so than is necessarily reasonable in PG situations. As I think I said earlier, you've been getting very involved in the Board as a community, which is a good thing! Quite a few people show up, post three threads in the space of a day, reply to nothing, and then ask for Permission. You've been replying to comments, on both your own threads and other people's, which is a brilliant way to go about things, so well done!
As to your characters and writing... well, I'd offer to give advice about how to make Eredan (did you decide on a translation of that, by the way? I think 'Mountains-man' works pretty well) realistic for Arda, but I think I already did that. ;) I can also work up a review of your 'War of the Worlds' story if you like, since I know both canons to some extent. Just ask.
hS -
Thanks hS by
on 2013-10-17 22:01:00 UTC
Reply
Although I do need to rewrite War of the Worlds to improve it a tad.
-
Aww, don't worry... by
on 2013-10-17 10:40:00 UTC
Reply
Most of us intended to/have at first, when we were newbies. It's okay to make a mistake, like what Sergio said. I did intend to do what you did, at first, and I even went so far as to write missions of my own, without Permission or claiming them. (I didn't publish 'em, don't worry.)
But that was before I found the 'Permission' and 'Unclaimed Badfic' and 'Mission Writing Guide' wiki pages, so I looked back on my writings, and deleted them because I thought they were crappy. So don't feel so bad, at least you haven't went so far as to writing undeveloped stories like mine.
~Autumn -
It's cool. by
on 2013-10-16 10:36:00 UTC
Reply
It was a bit of a mistake, yes, but everyone does mistakes from time to time. Don't feel bad about it.
Just enjoy the community, and start thinking about how to improve your agents, or maybe come up with new ones from scratch if you hit a wall.
The latter possibility is kinda difficult to become absolutely necessary, though - I managed to turn an hopeless Stu of mine into an interesting and fleshed out Agent. Besides, hitting walls hurts. Just remember, come up with a characterization, a backstory, and just some "stat" details (what he's good at, what he isn't good at). Then let them grow on their own, write them as it "feels" right to do. They might become a bit different from what you thought at the beginning, but they will be more "alive".
... Confused? Don't worry, I just managed to confuse myself too. -
Well... by
on 2013-10-12 07:00:00 UTC
Reply
I don't really like the idea of rushing to get Permission just five days after you joined...but I'm not a Permission Giver (not to mention the fact that I'm rather new, though I joined two months ago [I left for about one-and-a-half months, so...]), so I guess you'll have to ask the still-active Permission Givers for their opinion. Good luck!
~Autumn -
Thanks! (nm) (nm) by
on 2013-10-12 12:40:00 UTC
Reply
-
Agent Bios Mk. II by
on 2013-10-11 09:32:00 UTC
Reply
Okay, I read the concrit for my bios and have thus bettered my agents-to-be. Hopefully the way they are now is much more acceptable.
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Name: Johnny Archer
Gender: Male
Old Job: Mercenary
Birthdate: July 21, 2270
Age: 21
Race: Human
Original Continuum: Fallout
Home: Vault 53, Mojave Wasteland, Earth
Strong Skills: Guns, Energy Weapons, Melee, Lockpicking, Science, Survival, Repair, Sneak
Best Statistics: Perception, Endurance, Intelligence, Agility
Traits: Fast Shot, Good Natured
Perks: Friend of the Night, Swift Learner, Hunter, Run 'n Gun
Personality: He is good natured, with the interests of people he likes at heart but get on his bad side and he is cold and calculating, devising how many ways he can harm or kill you, especially if you've harmed his friends. He tries to be funny, but his attempts normally fail and he is a tad clumsy.
Family: His only known relatives are his mum, dad and older sister. All his family are devoted to keep the malfunctioning equipment of Vault 53 and, as a result, are sort of mad. He cared for them while they obsessively fixed the equipment and, when the Vault opened, he regretfully left them in the care of the Vault's other denizens. He hasn't seen them since.
Appearance: He is skinny, has beige skin, brown, unkempt hair and a roughly cut goatee. He is average height.
Gear: He wears a suit and tie, cargo pants and hiking boots, a grey trench-coat with many pockets and goggles. He has a laser rifle, a hunting shotgun and a .44 magnum revolver as his weapons.
Department: Department of Floaters, ESAS division
Partners: Norkas the Lonely and Eredan
RC: #99
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Name: Norkas the Lonely
Gender: Male
Old Job: Adventurer
Birthdate: 3E 407 15th of Mid-Year
Age: Unknown (20?)
Race: Argonian
Original Continuum: The Elder Scrolls
Home: Helstrom, Argonia, Tamriel, Nirn
Strong Skills: Destruction Magic, Restoration Magic, Blade, Sneak, Athletics, Acrobatics
Major Attributes: Strength, Intelligence, Speed, Agility, Willpower
Personality: He is rather distant and has a haughty air about him. He is snarky, cynical and sarcastic, but he is prone to attempts of humor and finds many things amusing. He is highly intelligent and doesn't attempt to hide this fact. He, nonetheless, has a strong moral compass and naturally gravitates towards moral choices.
Family: His known relatives are his mother, uncle and his older brother. His brother is a Dark Brotherhood assassin and his morals conflict with Norkas'. His father died without Norkas having any knowledge of him, so his uncle filled in the position for him when he was young. He was a traveller when he was younger and told Norkas many stories of the outside world, which sparked his wanderlust. His mother is kind, but hasn't gotten over her husband's death. Norkas goes back to Helstrom regularly to check on them and to split his money with them.
Appearance: He has blue tinged scales, 2 horns and hair-feather-things that form a crest down his head. He is skinny. He is average height.
Gear: He wears a dark green hooded cloak, Winterhold Adept robes and fur boots. He has a steel sword and dagger as his weapons.
Department: Department of Floaters, ESAS division
Partners: Johnny Archer and Eredan
RC: #99
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Name: Eredan
Gender: Male
Old Job: N/A
Birthdate: SA circa. 1000 January 23rd
Age: 63
Race: Human
Original Continuum: Lord of the Rings
Home: An unnamed hamlet in a valley in the shadow of Mt. Gundabad
Strong Skills: Survival, Agility, Sneaking, Creativity,
Personality: He is insular and humorless. He only speaks when necessary and always takes things seriously. He is quick to anger. He is uneducated, but more than makes up for this in his creativity and ability to plan ahead. He is also quite lucky. He has an ambiguous moral compass.
Family: His known family includes only his mother and father. They are nice, albeit a little old and are often in their own world. They work their farm. Eredan hasn't seen them in a long time.
Appearance: He has long, brown, very messy and unkempt hair and a matching beard. He is skinny and stinks. He is slightly taller than normal.
Gear: He wears a grey-green hooded cloak, a tunic, pants and leather boots. He is armed only with an old long dagger (which he stole off an orc that nearly killed him) which he sort of knows how to use and his ability to think on his feet.
Department: Department of Floaters, ESAS division
Partners: Johnny Archer and Norkas the Lonely
RC: #99
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Concrit appreciated! -
On Eredan. by
on 2013-10-11 10:50:00 UTC
Reply
He's looking a lot more suited to where he's from. I note he still has brown hair (but then, so does Grima the Wormtongue - a little genetic variation is allowed). As to the rest of him...
Okay, so he's not a mercenary - but now he doesn't have a job at all? He must have done something in sixty-three years. You've taken away his bow and reduced his fighting skills, so he couldn't really pass as a hunter any more... the go-to occupation for western Rhovanion would be 'woodsman', but you've placed him in the shadow of Gundabad. Hrm...
Well, let's talk about Gundabad, and the whole historical setting.
SA 1000 is a volatile period in the history of Middle-earth. For the past 250 years, the Numenoreans have been exploring the western and southern coastlines, mostly under the command of their current king Tar-Aldarion (reigned 883-1075). Over in the east, Sauron has been slowly building his forces for the past five hundred years; around 1000, he finally has enough confidence to begin building the Barad-dur.
On the other hand, the elven nation of Eregion is a thriving civilisation, and between it and Gil-Galad's Lindon, everything west of the Misty Mountains is inhabited by the elves. Greenwood the Great is also elven, and is several thousand years away from becoming 'Mirkwood'. Even Lothlorien - then known as Laurelindórenan - already exists, under a Sindarin king (probably Amdír Malgalad).
The Dwarves, too, are a strong presence. Khazad-Dum is a trading partner of both Eregion and Lorien, and its population is still swelled from the influx after Beleriand fell. Gundabad we don't know about - it simply didn't get mentioned enough - but we do know it was one of the most ancient Dwarven fastnesses (and, in fact, the awakening-place of Durin the Deathless). Given the strength of the 'Good' presence in the West, and the fact that the Dwarves are, for once, friendly with the elves, it seems fairly likely that Gundabad is inhabited by Dwarves. The Grey Mountains, too, are said to have been 'long mined by the Dwarves' - they weren't driven out until the Third Age.
But then there's the north. This cold, barren land, the remnants of Morgoth's two bastions of Angband and Utumno, is known to be inhabited by the hardy, wandering Forodwaith, who at least are men. But it is also likely home to a whole bunch of nasty creatures: the cold-drakes who later conquered the Grey Mountains would have lived here, and it's entirely possible that the whole place was teeming with Orc warrens and Wargs. The land that would become Angmar is also very nearby.
So what, ultimately, does this mean for Eredan? It means a life in comparative safety, punctuated by short periods of terror when Something came over the mountains. It means the local friendly people are the Dwarves, who are notably secretive, and are probably only glimpsed occasionally (bear in mind that Gundabad is by way of being a holy site - they wouldn't be inviting in visitors, you know?). It means that there are constant, disturbing rumours from the south of the Men of Westernesse, who come in their great ships, cutting down the ancient forest, and while they aren't exactly out to get the inhabitants, they're not exactly here to make friends, either. It means the elves are a constant presence - but already slightly unearthly. Both the humans - who, 1500 years ago, stopped their march west and settled in the Vale of Anduin - and the elves - Silvan folk who halted in the same place even longer ago, led by the Sindarin King Oropher (who claims to have escaped from that mythical western land before it sank) - are 'backwards', never having lived alongside the Noldor or the Edain.
On the plus side, both Oropher and the Dwarves would have made some effort to teach the humans basic sanitation. I think you're pushing things with an age of 63, and you're definitely into unreasonable with his parents hitting their 80s (bear in mind, these people aren't Edain - they don't have the extended lifespan of the Numenoreans), but take ten years off each of them and you're into reasonable territory.
-His parents have a farm. That's entirely reasonable, and probably what Eredan did for a 'living' when he still lived with them. What he does now, I'm not sure - his skills suggest thief or hunter, but he doesn't have the fighting ability of a hunter, and there's no-one around to steal from.
Hrm... would you mind a suggestion? Keeping his backstory the same, have him hear stories of the Numenoreans (by way of the Dwarves, or maybe the woodland elves - second- or third-hand, at any rate). Have him hear about their encampments and their logging down in the south, and have him decide he's going to go and see them - given his personality, it would be because he wanted something (maybe even one of those legendary swords?).
So he goes south, probably in his late twenties. He hikes down Anduin, passing by such places as the High Pass (and a party of Noldor from Eregion, tall and actually quite scary, with stars in their gaze...), and Lorien/Khazad-Dum, until finally he enters the ancient woodlands of the south (of which Fangorn is just the northern reach - but the Ents are a power in the world, too...). Finally, passing over open fields through what would later be the Gap of Rohan, he can reach the river Greyflood, and the Numenorean city at Tharbad, or maybe the haven at Lond Daer...
... only to find that the Men of the West aren't even as nice as rumour would have it. They are, basically, stuck-up, convinced of their own superiority, prone to treating the locals as little more than slaves. And the worst part is, they're right about how much better they are... about all Eredan can do is get a job as a lumberjack (because the Numenoreans, they love their trees).
So now you have an angry, serious man with a knack for going unseen, in the employ of the most powerful nation in the world. And he's cutting down the ancient forests (which means he might well run into Ents), and he still wants one of those swords - and there's not really enough food in the work camps, and 'them in the city' have so much, they wouldn't miss a little...
And now you have someone with a fully-fledged backstory, chock full of potential conflict once he joins the PPC. How will he feel about the rich? What will he do when he sees a sword he likes? Will he be prone to taking offense when others talk down to him?
I dunno. But I think he'd be interesting to read about.
hS -
Whilst we're on the topic... by
on 2013-10-10 18:00:00 UTC
Reply
...I'm still waiting for my permission piece to come back from it's final check through (or hopefully final check through) but in the meantime I was wondering if I could post my agent profile up on the board and get people to comment on it before putting it up when I do the Permission Request.
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Eeek. by
on 2013-10-10 18:38:00 UTC
Reply
About that: I can't get on it right now, because I have homework to do in order to prepare for a graded in-class essay right now, but I'll do my best to look it over properly later tonight or tomorrow. If you want me to check over your agent profile as well while I'm at it, feel free to send it over...and sorry for taking so long to get back to you!
~DF, who has just realized that she is the final check through. -
Don't Worry (nm) by
on 2013-10-10 19:53:00 UTC
Reply
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*Politely kicks Dawnfire up the backside* by
on 2013-10-13 22:17:00 UTC
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I love your definition of today or tomorrow, can I use it when I've got to hand in coursework :p
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*kerblinkies* E-excuse me? by
on 2013-10-14 03:09:00 UTC
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I love your subject line, really, I do.
I'm not so sure your teachers would be very happy, so...I'm afraid I'd have to advise against it :) My apologies.
Also, wow, sorry! That was...well, I'm sorry. I'll get on that right now, I think...
(What happened is that my friend came in from out of town and I spent a day with her and my other friend...and I'm not entirely sure what happened the day before? Hm. Well. I need to do some writing/editing anyway--haven't done much in far too long--so I'll get on that...)
Nice reminder message, though :D Just, next time, maybe reply to my post so I get an email about it and don't only notice it because I decided to see what was new on the Board and caught a mini-me in the subject line? *picks up Dawnfire the mini-Boarder and scuttles away*
~DF -
Well it worked... by
on 2013-10-14 12:41:00 UTC
Reply
Sorry about the mini-Boarder, but I'm sure it'll be OK. I didn't realize missing a capital letter out would create one, oh well.
Err thanks, it was the best I could come up with.
I'll do that next time.
Storme Hawk
(the guy who feels it's a bit funny to sign your name at the bottom when it's already mentioned at the top) -
Maybe your mini-Boarder can meet mine. by
on 2013-10-14 05:31:00 UTC
Reply
I don't have any mini-mes yet, but I do still have custody of weinterwood and Lily Wintewood, and they've been needing some outside company. The mini-Agents aren't hostile or anything, but aside from Christiane and, oddly enough, Xerica, none of them really interact much with the mini-Winterwoods, and I don't want my mini-Boarders feeling left out.
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Awww. by
on 2013-10-16 03:25:00 UTC
Reply
Yeah, sure, they can throw a party! Here, I'll introduce them.
Dawnfire, this is weinterwood, and this is Lily Wintewood. Oh, and I think that's Christiane off in the distance. Would you like to say hello?
...looks like a yes. I'll head out, then--call me if they destroy anything :)
~DF -
Wait wait wait wait wait. by
on 2013-10-10 13:04:00 UTC
Reply
Okay, taking off my Permission Giver hat for a minute...
Eredan. First off, that name - it looks like you've copied it from Elladan. It's definitely Sindarin in form, at any rate. The first syllable could be ered- (mountains) or eredh- (seed), or concievably ereg- (holly). The second... well, -dan is a preposition (against), or I guess it could be contracted from -dant (a fall). Very possibly it could be from -adan (man), but that would require the first syllable to be ered. Ered-adan, or Eredan, would be 'Man of the mountains', which I guess works.
Secondly, his home. 'A valley between the Grey and Misty Mountains' could mean one of two things: either he is from the region around Angmar and the Orc stronghold of Gundabad, or he is from the vale of Anduin. The latter would make sense, but would be a very strange way of putting it.
Thirdly, his heritage. Um... no. There are precisely three successful human-elf marriages in history: Beren and Luthien, Tuor and Idril, Aragorn and Arwen. All three are strongly implied to be deliberate acts of divinity, or at least Fate. There is one known failed marriage of this kind - Aegnor and Andreth, who never got together. There's also the rumoured case of Imrazôr and Mithrellas, the founders of Dol Amroth.
Elves and humans do not marry except in very rare circumstances. You can't just add a new one without some very strong justification. And even if you did...
His age. Yes, the Eldar live for thousands of years. Yes, the children of elf-human marriages may do the same. But since the founding of Numenor, and by direct decree of the Valar, every half-elf has to make a choice: to be accounted among the Eldar, with all that implies, or to accept the Gift of Men and become mortal. Elrond married an elf, so his children get to make the same choice. The children of a half-elf and a human - such as the children of Aragorn and Arwen - are mortal. An immortal human such as you describe simply doesn't fit into Middle-earth - unless his life is unnaturally lengthened by a Ring of Power. Are you claiming that Eredan has hold of one of the dwarven Rings (the only ones unaccounted for)? If so, surely that's kind of important to mention. If not, he's pretty darn dead.
His equipment. An elvish cloak - where did he get that? He's insular and from an isolated village, but has extremely rare fabric. Fabric, of course, doesn't last all that long - probably a bit longer than normal if the Eldar make it, but I'm positive it wouldn't survive six thousand years. And a Numenorean sword - again, where'd that come from? The Men of Westernesse didn't go into the north of Middle-earth.
And he uses his bow as a walking stick. Nice idea, but springy wood is not actually suited for supporting a man's body-weight, which is what a staff like that is meant for. He would break it in short order.
His appearance. Again, you claim he's immortal, but give him a beard. The Eldar - even by adoption - do not grow beards unless they are incredibly old, like Cirdan. No.
And his 'old job'. 'Wanderer' is not a job. You don't just 'wander', particularly if you live between two inhospitable mountain ranges and Mirkwood, not noted for its friendliness to foragers. 'Mercenary' is more plausible - except that there's no indication of any mercenaries in the history of Middle-earth. That probably comes out of the fact that the bad guys are usually ruled by genuine dark gods - saying 'I'll only fight the forces of the incarnation of darkness if you pay me' will not go down well.
And, one more point on his appearance: we actually know of some people who live in that general area. They were called the Northmen at the time, but eventually migrated south and named themselves after their great leader, Eorl. The Rohirrim, you may notice, are all fair-haired. There's a reason for that: the Northmen are closely related to the First House of the Edain, that of Hador the Goldenhaired. The people of that region, by and large, are blond - not brown-haired.
So: you may have put a lot of thought into him, but I believe it went into the wrong things. Your character is not suited for an origin in Middle-earth.
hS -
Yeah... by
on 2013-10-10 21:48:00 UTC
Reply
Well, he is my first LoTR OC and I just rehashed some old ideas with him. But not to fear, I improved him based on your critique. Here it is;
Name: Eredan
Gender: Male
Old Job: Mercenary
Birthdate: SA circa. 1000 January 23rd
Age: 63
Race: Human
Original Continuum: Lord of the Rings
Home: An un-named hamlet in a valley in the shadow of Mt. Gundabad
Strong Skills: Swordsmanship, Archery, Surivival, Agility
Personality: He is insular and humourless. He only speaks when necessary and always takes things seriously. He is quick to anger. He is uneducated.
Apperance: He has long, brown, very messy and unkempt hair and a matching beard. He is skinny and stinks. He is slightly taller than normal.
Gear: He wears a grey/green cloak over a brown tunic, ripped breaches, old fur boots and a makeshift knapsack over his back. He has a Numenorean sword (which he purchaased fairly, no matter what others would say) on his belt and carries a yew longbow around with him. He has (stolen) orcish arrows sticking out of his knapsack. (He has no idea how to make his own)
Much better, don'tcha think? -
Er, thoughts. by
on 2013-10-11 01:29:00 UTC
Reply
Okay, I'm a bit concerned here. I'll take my cue from hS and leave the PG hat off for now, but I can give you some concrit on your characters - and as an answer to your question about posting your characters specifically before a formal request... I'd prefer you didn't - at least, not over and over again. Once - this, for example - shouldn't be too bad. And remember, this is a writing organization, not an RP, so we're looking more at seeing them written than just sketched profiles.
My biggest beef with Eredan is that he still doesn't seem like an LotR character. He seems rather like a Fantasy or a D&D character who got plopped into that continuum. Mercenaries weren't really a big thing, from what I remember, except for the Southrons, perhaps. Why would a mercenary have a Numenorean sword? What do you mean by a Numenorean sword? The rest of his character I'll leave to hS, who's far better at LotR than I. Your others... h'm.
Norkas the Lonely... to put it bluntly, he looks a lot like a Stu. I can't think of any reason for an Argonian to be thousands of years old. Even the Heroes aren't supposed to live thousands of years, except for a handful of very excellent canon reasons. He should have a profession - 'Wanderer' is not a living. Adventurer would be a bit better, but just wandering around is not so viable. Combine all that with his weapons, which are honestly quite a bit high on the Speshul scale, and you've got a character I'd be very, very hesitant to pass off as a PPC agent.
I don't know Archer, but let me try and give you a couple general pointers. It's not always easy to make OCs from scratch, especially the first time, and I know my first OCs, especially game-based, were about the same.
First, their appearance and equipment are sidenotes. Think about your friends, your family - what makes them so important to you? Not their hair, not their jacket, not the necklace they inherited from their grandparents. It's their personality, their mannerisms, who they are. Their clothes and hair and height and the equipment of their various skills are part of who they are, but they're pieces of a puzzle, not the whole.
While reading a Skyrim fanfic, if you came across an Argonian whose introduction was a paragraph about his swords and clothing, and his coloration, followed by a few lines that explained that he was mysteriously ageless and a humourless fellow... I'm betting you wouldn't be very emotionally invested in the character. If you came across a character whose dialogue was interesting - blunt, dour, somewhat haughty, but witty enough to be able to joke and laugh - you'd be a bit more interested. And then, somewhere down the line, it's revealed that he lived through the White-Gold Concordat, and the bloodshed that followed... now he's got depth, now you're interested.
You see what I mean? What your character is wearing doesn't matter so much - what matters is why they wear their hair braided like that (because appearance matters to them), and why they have that ratty old jacket, even though they could clearly afford better (appearance matters to them, but the jacket was something given to them by a dear friend, now dead), and not that they have a really awesome sword, but what they do with that sword, and why, and who they are under the dwemer-alloy and the Destruction school, and the green-gray scales. -
Thoughts on the Agent by
on 2013-10-10 22:49:00 UTC
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Hmm, I like the concept he seems like he would make a good generic mook in sauorn's army and it makes sense for him to be Human. From what I understand of the canon the "Kings of Man" were the ones corrupted by thier power rings thus leading them to become the ringwraiths, So a Human driven by greed...which is often the fatal flaw of Mercenary characters would be a natural fit.
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Wait... by
on 2013-10-10 11:54:00 UTC
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You've been here only for five days. While we are happy that you want to start sporking badfic too, we have some rules for that.
Since your permission request is, on a technical point of view, correct I assume you read the Permission article on the Wiki. Which is good, since a lot of people try asking Permission before even doing that.
However, you should read it again as something slipped... namely, the "one month" rule. The whole Permission thing is in place to make sure the aspiring PPC writer fully knows what the deal is about. (Also, we hope that they like to hang with us on the Board, instead of isolating themselves and popping out only to plug missions)
We don't know you well enough yet. You're partecipating in discussions, which is exactly what you need to - you just didn't do it for long enough.
I'm not going to talk much about your permission piece as I'm not a Permission Giver, but the bios feel wrong - we don't care about character statistics that much, we care about their characterization, and in the bios not only there isn't much about that, but that little also rubs me the wrong way. No idea why, though. -
The 'one month' rule... by
on 2013-10-10 12:41:00 UTC
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... doesn't actually seem to be mentioned on the Permission page anymore.
The answer to the question 'When should I ask?' is currently 'Whenever you feel comfortable and confident asking' - it then goes on to say that you're unlikely to be successful if the Permission Givers don't recognise you, but notes that 'there is no one magical time period' for how long that's likely to take.
I'm sure it used to specify one month as a general rule, as I'm pretty sure I can remember waiting exactly one month before making my request, but it doesn't appear to be as specific any more.
I agree with you, this is probably too early for 99Hedgehog's Permission request, but with the page as it currently is, I don't think it's that clear. -
Whoops. by
on 2013-10-10 16:46:00 UTC
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I have to admit it, I haven't checked that page in a while. Dang it.
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We cut out the rule... by
on 2013-10-10 13:12:00 UTC
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... because a) people were assuming 'if I ask after one month I'll get it automatically!', and b) we had a few people show up who integrated really well really quickly, and making them wait a month was silly.
99Hedgehog, so far, you've made a good start on the 'interacting and integrating' thing. You are actually replying to other people's threads rather than just posting your own (a surprisingly common problem, I don't know why), so well done. My suggestion is that you take any comments from here as advice, and use this thread to post a second version of your profiles. It may end up just being an exercise in constructive criticism - or, since the Board moves slow enough for this thread to be around for another week at least, a PG may decide that you've actually integrated well enough by then to be a safe bet for Permission.
(PG hat still off, by the way: I haven't looked at your sample or your other profiles, and I'm not promising anything. Just making suggestions)
hS -
Awesome. by
on 2013-10-10 21:55:00 UTC
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Thanks a lot, Huinesoron. I have updated my most 'unpolished' profile. Hope it's better.
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About your profiles by
on 2013-10-10 23:10:00 UTC
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I'm not a Permission Giver, so this isn't an 'official' opinion with regards to them, but one thing that struck me as odd about the agent profiles you've presented is that, in all three of them, you've spent more time describing their clothing/equipment than you have their personality.
Given that clothing and weapons aren't character traits and can all be lost, put down, changed, or just simply not come up in a scene, it seems unbalanced that they get more detail than the personalites involved.
Also, because I don't think I've said this yet, welcome to the Board. Have some Bleeprin, may it serve you well against the badfic. -
[[[UNPARSABLE SUBJECT LINE]]] by
on 2013-10-11 00:10:00 UTC
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Yeah, I found that there wasn't much to say about their personalities. These are my first OCs and I have failed for a long time to get these guys down on paper. They are quite rough, but with the PPC's help, I can fix that.
Hopefully.