Well, I originally started with contemporary Épée, after finding out that modern fencing is all about sport competitions and lacks everything I like about sword-fighting (e.g. use of terrain, circumstances and your enemy's mood and behavior to your advantage) I moved to 14th century Germanic hand and a half sword (also known as the bastard sword in PC gaming), then moved to Polish saber late 17th century and after dipping my feet in contemporary Kendo I settled down to what I'm studying now, which is 15th century Arabic saber(not scimitar, there is a difference) and contemporary Chinese Yang techniques of Jian sword-art.

See? I told you it was complicated. And I'm talking just about sword-fighting. If we talked about martial arts and self-defense systems we would be here for another hour or so :) Also I'm counting Kukri as a knife, so it doesn't get mentioned, although it isn't that shorter than some of the Chinese Dao swords
Anyway to give you some photos of my weapons:

Here are my swords, well, some of them(the album is in Czech but it's simply point&click): http://viper.rajce.idnes.cz/Meceanoze/
And here is my new precious custom-made Kukri knife (you may notice that the leather sheath is made to wear on one's back and to open with a thumb of a left hand, that's because I am left-handed. Also I admit, the TV version of Game of Thrones was a great inspiration and Bran is my favorite character):



Oh and if you haven't realized it yet, Czech Republic has some very funny laws when it comes to melee weapons. When it comes to firearms we have the same strict laws as Germany or Britain, but melee weapons are for some reason considered not dangerous and anything bigger then a knife is considered a theater prop...

Anyway safe to say I have done quite a lot of sword-fighting in my life, so if anyone here on PPC is writing a sword-fighting scene and wants some help, feel free to ask.

Oh thank you very much. I always wanted a versatile shape-shifting slave.. uh I mean Pokémon. There's a difference! They do it willingly!

But jokes aside I really love Pokémon because it brought a non-terminal solution for defeating enemies. Just punch them until they are ready to faint, then throw a ball at them. And voilá the monster has joined your side.

Now that I think of it I should consider creating some agents in the DMSE&R department that could be working on a Sue-Ball.

thanks for the potato canon. I haven't seen such a marvel of wit and ingenuity since elementary school when we created the unholy abomination of potato mortar!

As to the Circle of Lemmings I have visited it during my first tour through PPC wiki, but I didn't find anything that would interest me (e.g. make me want to rage, cry and inflict serious bodily harm on the author) probably because it was too bad.

Personally the fanfics that I feel like sporking don't have to be disgustingly bad. Those are usually incomprehensible and they don't create anything in my imagination. The best fanfics are those that somewhat establish what's going on, create a mental image in your head of what's going on and where and then introduce an alien factor that completely changes the tone of the story either through the lack of comprehension of the original story (e.g. Kim the harem slave in jeans) because it's inconvenient (Feyd Rautha the depraved evil handsome young heir of House Harkonnen, who is known to throw unarmed kids into a forest and then chase them with laser guns, suddenly holds hands with aformentioned harem slave and asks for her permission before taking her virginity) or because the author makes a spelling error that twists the original meaning into something completely ridiculous.

However the main story must still be making some sense for these funny moments to be enjoyable. So Circle of Lemmings not really. The Über Pit? Aaaargh my sanity...

Thank you very much sir. The music was... an experience. I'm still not sure what kind of experience but it doesn't matter xD

Thanks for the warm welcome. And I see I got myself a first "veteran talk" of "Listen up pup this is the way to do it! Read the damn manual!" Funny thing, I did...

I read the article before I first posted, as well as Constitution, all the stuff for newbies, The Original Series and all about Departments, Flowers, protocols, equipment, RCs, Permission Givers and lots of missions that caught my interestand I'm not here saying "Give me permission tonight!" or "I want to post PPC stories right away." If it sounded that way it wasn't meant to.

As for me not being characters I kinda got carried away. Of course I was talking about characters not myself personally. I do realize it is possible to write as multiple agent teams, however for now I plan to stay with a single pair of Agents in Bad Slash Department sporking bad slash and het alike. It may change and in that case I'll gladly listen to why the Department of Intelligence is the best one ever ;)

Anyway talking about spinoffs I liked missions by Trojie. I like her style of writing, I very much enjoyed the stuff she wrote about how to spork Slash-fic and the characters she creates are always fun to follow.

I do like shiny stuff that goes "swoosh" what I don't like is how easy it goes "swoosh." It's easy to hurt yourself as demonstrated in "Your Lightsaber and You" so it's a scary weapon.

Plus there is that feeling when you cut into a thing with a weapon and the material resists you and you feel the pressure and the slicing motion and how it finally rips and... oh my I got all Dexter about sharp objects again :-D

I shall thrive to control myself better in order not to scare fellow PPCers.

Oh thank you for the Self-Printing 3D Printer. I'll find some use for that. And if not me then one of my characters. Joe the Intelligent Zergling loves all kinds of presents.

As far as the fandoms are concerned I've mentioned just some. I could go on with Narnia, PC games (oh the bad bad Skyrim and Dragon Age fanfics) Firefly and a lot more. I've spent a lot of my life exploring new worlds and it was a lot of fun. And as always, my main concern is that it's a story that's amusing and that sporking it will make me happy and satisfied :D

Right now I'm halfway done with "The Jedi and The Gungan" but I've already written down some notes about "Feyd's Adventures in The Slave Quaters" which is a Duneverse pornfic that's suffering a LOT from the fact that the author is a horny 14-years old who wants to write a rape-fic but ends up with something that's almost comical because of how inexperienced he is and how limited his imagination is. Oh by the way, did you know that in a heavy Arabic-style setting with harem slaves, said slaves wear jeans, bras, and are named Missy and Kim?

Lastly as far as Czech fanfiction is concerned Czech Republic is quite a small country. We don't have anything even remotely like the Pit and fanfictions are mainly concentrated on web pages belonging to that specific fandom. (E.g. Harry Potter on harrypotter.cz) that require registration in order to read anything, which makes them difficult to read for a casual Agent on a hunt for a fic to spork. Plus our education system is very good and we learn English from elementary school(well, nowdays, when I was young it was high-school xD) so it is quite easy for anyone to post their fanfics in horrible english in the Pit.

Bonus question, does anyone have any idea where Czech Republic actually is? I always find it funny when the British search for us somewhere between Ukraine and Russia when we are actually 2 hours by plane from London.