Subject: Re: I greet thee.
Author:
Posted on: 2013-09-18 14:36:00 UTC
Hi, have some fudge!
I'll leave the bad pornfics to those better qualified to spork them. But I hope someone skewers the Dune one sometime soon.
Without looking at a map (because that would be cheating ;) ), I'd put the Czech Republic east of Austria and southeast of Germany.
Hi folks I'm Tyr and I'm new here. *waves and smiles* Actually I've been lurking around for some time, reading the Original Series and browsing through posts here on the Forum and I have to admit I never thought I'd actually join the PPC since I'm not a native speaker and although I have some experience with writing (original stories as well as fanfiction) I have never published or posted anything in English. As anyone who has ever attempted it knows, writing is hard even in your native language. But in a foreign language it's borderline impossible. So I was happy being a quiet lurker, creeping around, enjoying good stories ridiculing bad fanfiction and all the fun that PPC has to offer.
But then I made a mistake. A simple mistake born out of curiosity. A mistake I'll curse forever. I went to The Pit.
It wasn't as bad as I expected. It was boring and annoying but nothing that terrible. And then I visited the Über-Pit. And for some reason I will never understand, I searched for my favorite fandom of Dune. And then for Star Wars. And you can guess how that ended. So here I am after an hour of raging, crying, laughing and cursing the sad thing that is humanity, or in this case Adult-fanfiction.org!
And although the thing is ugly as sin, the fanfic titled "The Jedi and the Gungan" did drive me to come out of the shadows and introduce myself in hopes that I could get attention of a permission giver, who would find some time in his/hers/its busy schedule to read what I wrote and decide, whether it is written well enough for the PPC or in case it's not, write a sporking of his own, because the thought that "The Jedi and the Gungan" (a most original title I have to admit) should live another day is too horrifying for me to handle xD
Oh yeah I didn't say much about myself, did I? Well tough luck folks I'm not the type who shares his personal history on the internet. What I will say is that I'm 25, I'm Czech and I'm not your typical nerd. I am quite into sports(if you can call sword-fighting sport), I have a girlfriend and live in my own house that I pay for myself so sadly none of the stereotypical aspects of nerd apply to me.
Anyway I love books and I know my way around most of the famous fandoms, be it Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Trek, Harry Potter, Warhammer 40K, almost any anime you can come up with and some of the more obscure fandoms like Honor Harrington, the aforementioned Dune, Pournelle's Mercenary series, Heinlein's books, The Culture series, Pokémon, Joe Dever's magnum opus the Kai-Lord series and many other. If I were to name every single one I'm afraid this post would be really long plus it would rob you of the delightful opportunity to ask me about it.
As far as PPC goes, I'm quite interested in exploring different fandoms as a member of The Department of Bad Slash, Division of Bad Het, because I do enjoy a well written erotic story be it slash or het and I have quite enough life experience to not blush while talking (or writing) about sex and to point out all the mistakes that young virgin writers tend to make while writing about their true-luv.
Wow! It looks like my introduction got a bit out of control. Anyway thanks for reading it and if anyone has any questions or comments, fire away!
Sword-fighting? If I may ask, what type of sword? I'm slowly learning Germanic longsword.
Oh, and here's a virtual spring-steel szabla. May it help slice Sues that are annoying you.
Well, I originally started with contemporary Épée, after finding out that modern fencing is all about sport competitions and lacks everything I like about sword-fighting (e.g. use of terrain, circumstances and your enemy's mood and behavior to your advantage) I moved to 14th century Germanic hand and a half sword (also known as the bastard sword in PC gaming), then moved to Polish saber late 17th century and after dipping my feet in contemporary Kendo I settled down to what I'm studying now, which is 15th century Arabic saber(not scimitar, there is a difference) and contemporary Chinese Yang techniques of Jian sword-art.
See? I told you it was complicated. And I'm talking just about sword-fighting. If we talked about martial arts and self-defense systems we would be here for another hour or so :) Also I'm counting Kukri as a knife, so it doesn't get mentioned, although it isn't that shorter than some of the Chinese Dao swords
Anyway to give you some photos of my weapons:
Here are my swords, well, some of them(the album is in Czech but it's simply point&click): http://viper.rajce.idnes.cz/Meceanoze/
And here is my new precious custom-made Kukri knife (you may notice that the leather sheath is made to wear on one's back and to open with a thumb of a left hand, that's because I am left-handed. Also I admit, the TV version of Game of Thrones was a great inspiration and Bran is my favorite character): 
Oh and if you haven't realized it yet, Czech Republic has some very funny laws when it comes to melee weapons. When it comes to firearms we have the same strict laws as Germany or Britain, but melee weapons are for some reason considered not dangerous and anything bigger then a knife is considered a theater prop...
Anyway safe to say I have done quite a lot of sword-fighting in my life, so if anyone here on PPC is writing a sword-fighting scene and wants some help, feel free to ask.
I'm still amateur regarding german hand-and-a-half sword. I mostly base my study on Talhoffer's fechtbutch. I'm also looking for someone to show me how people fight with a scimitar, so I am a bit disappointed when you say you learn about Arabic saber.
Nice weapons. My friend is also rather fond of jian. But I prefer german longsword or pollaxe.
In Malaysia, you aren't allowed to have sharp weapons except as agricultural tools or wall decorations, thus we have severely limited options if we want to learn weaponed fighting. However, silat are big here, and that's the only martial art that is going to delve into multidiscipline melee weapon use, and getting license to teach is easy enough, compared to other martial arts. However, I didn't find any silat school around my city.
Funny thing how we all like things that are "exotic" to us. You like German hand and half sword and I like Filipino martial art Kali(also known as Arnis/Eskrima) Although recently I have shifted my focus to Nepal-based Martial Arts because I carry my little precious kukri around :)
Still there is something nice about a Martial Art that utilizes weapons that can be carried around even in modern city and that focuses on striking enemy joints like elbow or knee.
We will have a hard time answering the police if we are caught. After all, most robbers are desperately needing the money, not for the fun. At least that's how it goes in Malaysia. Also, gangs are recently rampant in Peninsular Malaysia, and we and they don't usually have access to firearms, so longsword or messer langes techniques are still relevant.
Also, you need to read the charges before you destroy the Sue. So, immobilising is still important.
I thought we were talking about techniques, not the practical application. I was merely pointing out that if as far as practicality is concerned I like what Kali utilizes. I never talked about practical use in self defense and I don't intend to start now. Assuming otherwise is quite offensive to me.
With the PPC mission it is the same thing. I never said anything about wanting to write about my agents using Kali to defeat their enemies. If you read my first post I even explicitly said that I want to write agents from DBS department that do not kill or seriously harm anyone.
To Hieronymus Graubart you did not interrupt anything. This conversation is over. I felt quite offended by Darklordaakmal's immediate assumption that I would use Kali techniques in either my writing or in reality to harm other human beings. His patronizing way of reminding me that I shouldn't kill the Sues without reading the charges didn't help either since A) I know that B) I'm not a blood-thirsty maniac that kills beings on sight. If anyone got a different impression, then this conversation was obviously doing something wrong and it's best to end it right now.
VEry well, this conversation ends here. Again, I'm sorry.
I assume that this is supposed to be German. The correct term would be “langes Messer” (the adjective goes before the noun, Nouns are always capitalized in German, and the english translation would be “long knife”).
Sorry for interrupting your conversation. It’s my native language and I can never resist the impulse to correct the errors I spot. But since I'm not a swordsman, this may be some alien terminology I don't know :-)
We live by Diterangkan, Menerangkan (Explained, Explainor).
I know that langes Messer is translated to long knife, and into Malay as Pisau(long) Panjang(knife). But I too often described the weapon as Pisau Panjang to my friends, so when redescribing here, it became messer langes.
I intend to learn langes Messer techniques, reapply them to parang. As their tactics are different from each other, I may retain an element of surprise.
Hello! It seems we have quite a few common fandoms, from your rather expansive list there. Namely Harry Potter and LoTR, but there were other pleasantly familiar names in there. Anyway, welcome!
/*rummages around for a gift*/
Here, have this handmade ceramic sprocket growler. I'm not entirely certain what a sprocket growler is, but it has a nice ring to it.
Happy sporking!
-- Len
Here, have some cookies. Lots of them. I need to get rid of them.
Almost any kind of anime, eh? Ever seen Princess Resurrection?
Quite a detailed post there. Good; you've just made my day a lot easier!
So, you're a multi-fandom Boarder! Well, I have just the perfect gift for you!
*rummages through bag of holding*
Here, have a Pokemon Adventures-verse Ditto, able to transform into anything at will, not just the Pokemon in front of it!
Oh thank you very much. I always wanted a versatile shape-shifting slave.. uh I mean Pokémon. There's a difference! They do it willingly!
But jokes aside I really love Pokémon because it brought a non-terminal solution for defeating enemies. Just punch them until they are ready to faint, then throw a ball at them. And voilá the monster has joined your side.
Now that I think of it I should consider creating some agents in the DMSE&R department that could be working on a Sue-Ball.
Ensign Sue never fails to be a font of reference-worthy material.
Here, take a Sue-capturing Quick Ball as my welcome gift. During the first time partition of an encounter, the Quick Ball is twice as powerful as an Ultra Ball, but from the second partition on, it is no more powerful than a standard Poké Ball. I say "time partition" because according to Pokémon-verse logic, turns wouldn't advance until one of you attacks, so each turn could encompass a different length of time. Weaponize the element of surprise, and you should be able to nab the Suvian invader in seconds!
And now, a montage!
I think I've just witnessed the most awesome thing ever drawn on paper..or...um...yeah, anyway great webcomix. Totally hooked me up! Also thanks for the Quick Ball, I'll be sure to use it!
I didn't care much for Part I, but I read all of part II in a matter of hours. Can't wait to see how the story ends!
Hello there! Nice to meet you! Please accept my gifts: a potato cannon, a basket of russet potatoes and an Official University of Doctor Who sweatshirt. (I'm still accepting application forms if you would like to join)
So you paid a visit to the Pit? And the Uber Pit? I'm sorry. But if you think those sites are bad, you should try the Circle of Lemmings aka Quotev. It. Is. Terrifying. Teenage hormones everywhere! I recently went Circle Diving. My sanity...If you are curious, be careful. Good luck!
thanks for the potato canon. I haven't seen such a marvel of wit and ingenuity since elementary school when we created the unholy abomination of potato mortar!
As to the Circle of Lemmings I have visited it during my first tour through PPC wiki, but I didn't find anything that would interest me (e.g. make me want to rage, cry and inflict serious bodily harm on the author) probably because it was too bad.
Personally the fanfics that I feel like sporking don't have to be disgustingly bad. Those are usually incomprehensible and they don't create anything in my imagination. The best fanfics are those that somewhat establish what's going on, create a mental image in your head of what's going on and where and then introduce an alien factor that completely changes the tone of the story either through the lack of comprehension of the original story (e.g. Kim the harem slave in jeans) because it's inconvenient (Feyd Rautha the depraved evil handsome young heir of House Harkonnen, who is known to throw unarmed kids into a forest and then chase them with laser guns, suddenly holds hands with aformentioned harem slave and asks for her permission before taking her virginity) or because the author makes a spelling error that twists the original meaning into something completely ridiculous.
However the main story must still be making some sense for these funny moments to be enjoyable. So Circle of Lemmings not really. The Über Pit? Aaaargh my sanity...
Welcome to the PPC! Come on in, leave your sanity at the door, and let's hope you have a fun time!
As a welcome gift, have some music by Luciano Berio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYofPZlfVuc
Thank you very much sir. The music was... an experience. I'm still not sure what kind of experience but it doesn't matter xD
*shot*
Okay, I kinda deserved that one, LOL.
But yeah. You, my friend, have just said hi to some 20th Century composition.
but I think I will stay with less... revolutionary styles of composition. How about
the author of splendid Celtic music from Switzerland Adrian von Ziegler: http://youtu.be/jiwuQ6UHMQg
Or how about some heroic music created by Lindsey Stirling & Peter Hollens - one violin and one voice: http://youtu.be/BSLPH9d-jsI
Or how about the awesome techno-bagpipes/drums combo that is DeltaRomeoNiner and his High Guard Battle March: http://youtu.be/Y8uE-HXASuE
Now that I think of I am truly horrified by the fact that I somehow forgot to mention Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda which includes so many great things none better than my beloved Lust Object Andromeda herself(oh the great times when you can date a heavy cruiser's artificial intelligence...)
Anyway these are some of my favorite modern authors. Care to share yours?
Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Not for resale.
Just a little Permission-related thing: it might take some time before a Permission Giver can seriously consider a new Request. The article on our shiny Wiki can explain things far better than me. Furthermore, the Agents you will write will be in the Departments you mentioned, not you yourself. This means that you can have multiple agent teams in Mary Sues, Bad Slash, *coughshamelessselfpromotion* Intelligence *cough*, Internal Affairs, and so on.
Well, with that said, make yourself comfortable around here!
Oh, almost forgot: did you read any spinoffs? If so, which ones are your favourites?
Thanks for the warm welcome. And I see I got myself a first "veteran talk" of "Listen up pup this is the way to do it! Read the damn manual!" Funny thing, I did...
I read the article before I first posted, as well as Constitution, all the stuff for newbies, The Original Series and all about Departments, Flowers, protocols, equipment, RCs, Permission Givers and lots of missions that caught my interestand I'm not here saying "Give me permission tonight!" or "I want to post PPC stories right away." If it sounded that way it wasn't meant to.
As for me not being characters I kinda got carried away. Of course I was talking about characters not myself personally. I do realize it is possible to write as multiple agent teams, however for now I plan to stay with a single pair of Agents in Bad Slash Department sporking bad slash and het alike. It may change and in that case I'll gladly listen to why the Department of Intelligence is the best one ever ;)
Anyway talking about spinoffs I liked missions by Trojie. I like her style of writing, I very much enjoyed the stuff she wrote about how to spork Slash-fic and the characters she creates are always fun to follow.
Sorry about the confusion! It's very nice to see you've brushed up on the source materials and "Da Rules". I hope I didn't come off as being rude or as the resident stop-having-fun-guy...
You see, we've had some overly eager folk in the past who brought up Permission right in their intro posts or in a thread they made five minutes later. Since your line "[...]in hopes that I could get attention of a permission giver, who would find some time in his/hers/its busy schedule to read what I wrote[...] seemed to imply that you had a piece lined up for review, I just wanted to step in and clarify. Sorry 'bout that (again)!
As for the DoI... well, part of the reason I like it is because it's the Hufflepuff House of the PPC. They're mostly backgrounders, but their work is what keeps the PPC functioning.
Sure, no harm done.
And the idea of PPC version of Hufflepuff House sounds like fun, but I want some violence in my fanfic. I may not like killing, even in the somewhat comical way presented to us by DMS, but I do like swordplay, martial-arts and many other kinds of stylish violence(e.g. no guns, get your ugly loud smoking box-shaped thing out of my face) which I would probably miss in the DoI.
But only time will tell...
Just to sum up what I did want to do was to say hello and talk a bit about my favourite fandoms, stuff that I do and some pretty ideas on which fanfictions caught my interest enough to want to go through the admission process of becoming a writer for the Protectors of Plot Continuum.
Once I get to know you guys better and if I decide that I really want to stay and get permission I will submit the required stuff e.g. agents, links to the badfic I want to spork, sample of my writing and so own. If/when I do that it will be in a separate post. This is just me saying hello :)
In that case, here's a case of lightsabers and lightsaber customization gear for ya. You'll need it. :P
The Jedi and the Gungan, you say? I'll make a note to check it out. Not sure if you'll be able to get permission right off the bat, but if the fic is mission material, I'm certain someone should be able to help with that. ^^
I do like shiny stuff that goes "swoosh" what I don't like is how easy it goes "swoosh." It's easy to hurt yourself as demonstrated in "Your Lightsaber and You" so it's a scary weapon.
Plus there is that feeling when you cut into a thing with a weapon and the material resists you and you feel the pressure and the slicing motion and how it finally rips and... oh my I got all Dexter about sharp objects again :-D
I shall thrive to control myself better in order not to scare fellow PPCers.
Greetings! I am AdmiralSakai, aspiring mad scientist!
I'm sure you'll do well here- you've got the killer instinct and all that. Well, that, and your really quite impressive experience- I don't think I've run into anyone with an interest in so many fandoms! Have a Self-Printing 3D Printer- the possibilities are genuinely infinite.
Don't worry about the language issue- you write a heck of a lot better than most oif the people we deal with, after all. Although I would be interested in seeing you potentially take on any Czech badfics that wander into your sights- the PPC shouldn't be bound by languages or borders, after all.
Oh thank you for the Self-Printing 3D Printer. I'll find some use for that. And if not me then one of my characters. Joe the Intelligent Zergling loves all kinds of presents.
As far as the fandoms are concerned I've mentioned just some. I could go on with Narnia, PC games (oh the bad bad Skyrim and Dragon Age fanfics) Firefly and a lot more. I've spent a lot of my life exploring new worlds and it was a lot of fun. And as always, my main concern is that it's a story that's amusing and that sporking it will make me happy and satisfied :D
Right now I'm halfway done with "The Jedi and The Gungan" but I've already written down some notes about "Feyd's Adventures in The Slave Quaters" which is a Duneverse pornfic that's suffering a LOT from the fact that the author is a horny 14-years old who wants to write a rape-fic but ends up with something that's almost comical because of how inexperienced he is and how limited his imagination is. Oh by the way, did you know that in a heavy Arabic-style setting with harem slaves, said slaves wear jeans, bras, and are named Missy and Kim?
Lastly as far as Czech fanfiction is concerned Czech Republic is quite a small country. We don't have anything even remotely like the Pit and fanfictions are mainly concentrated on web pages belonging to that specific fandom. (E.g. Harry Potter on harrypotter.cz) that require registration in order to read anything, which makes them difficult to read for a casual Agent on a hunt for a fic to spork. Plus our education system is very good and we learn English from elementary school(well, nowdays, when I was young it was high-school xD) so it is quite easy for anyone to post their fanfics in horrible english in the Pit.
Bonus question, does anyone have any idea where Czech Republic actually is? I always find it funny when the British search for us somewhere between Ukraine and Russia when we are actually 2 hours by plane from London.
Hi, have some fudge!
I'll leave the bad pornfics to those better qualified to spork them. But I hope someone skewers the Dune one sometime soon.
Without looking at a map (because that would be cheating ;) ), I'd put the Czech Republic east of Austria and southeast of Germany.
Hi, thanks for the fudge.
And good guess. It's north of Austria, south-west from Poland and south-east from Germany. Perfect place in the middle of Europe with big scary counties all around :)
Missy.
And.
Kim.
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
