Subject: A very happy birthday to you!
Author:
Posted on: 2013-07-19 01:07:00 UTC

Happy birthday! Let's see if I have anything suitable that will serve as a present - ah, here we are! Have a genetically modified tribble! It shoots laser beams from its nonexistent eyes, and is a blinding shade of bright purple!

Now, I have to go find a reason for why I came up with such a bizarre gift...

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