Subject: Re: ??!!?!!!?!!!?!?!?!?
Author:
Posted on: 2013-09-09 03:55:00 UTC
Did so. It's my first time, so please tell me if I messed up on anything. Bluh. That story kind of hurts me inside. I got my name from Artemis Fowl. I grew up on it.
www.fanfiction.net/9666932/1/
I honestly started crying when I read this. The chaptrs are only about 50 words each, there's barely any punctuation to be seen, and it's cliché.
BAM. 'A special thank you to arty97, thanks for the tips.' It looks a lot better. Not up to standards, but at least you can understand it now. Semi- success is better than nothing.
Smells funny. You sure it's not a troll?
I'd guess no, but I'm not sure. The train-and-volcanoes plan has the sort of hyperbole common in trollfics, but the rest of it is just pure insanity that's very hard to replicate- even the legendary Squirrelking was more comprehensible than this. You'd think that if a troll came up with something as mindbendingly stupid as the drill plan, (s)he'd at least want to make sure the reader knew what it was.
Not necessarily.
A troll's main goal is to get reactions out of people. That's it.
It's to get flames. It's to get flack. To get praise. To attract other trolls.
At least, that's my past experience of troll and troll activities.
Artemis Fowl pretty much singlehandedly set me on the path to mad science. I still have every book in readable condition save the first, which I have been pursuing for literally YEARS. I feel like this 'fic would have sent me into a blind rage if I could just figure out what any of it meant!
I mean, I get the broad strokes, that there's this OC brother and Juliet is involved in some kind of angst and Geovanni Zito is somehow evil and trying to drill down into the core, but other than that...
Your subject hit it right on the money. Even skimming through the "chapters," I can see that this fic needs a LOT of help. Can someone with some amount of patience send some concrit his way? This fic was LITERALLY posted yesterday, and there are no reviews, so I am willing to bet at this point that it would do the author some good for someone took the time to slow him down and give him some pointers.
Did so. It's my first time, so please tell me if I messed up on anything. Bluh. That story kind of hurts me inside. I got my name from Artemis Fowl. I grew up on it.
but I'd like to see what other people think of your review as well.
I would, but I'm not sure how to do it without sounding reeeeely condescending.
Wow, that story (the first one, I mean) is awful.
However, does anyone else think that the summary is surprisingly good, at least compared to the story?
You are right in that case. Despite the mess of a sentence that is "Plus Danso finds love, will he in to puberty or will he defeat it and the drill once and for all.", I can at least tell what the summary is trying to go for. Kind of.
But, seriously, what is going on here? Apparently "Danso Fowl Juillet" is trying to stop a drill from going to the core of "thyne earth"(thine Earth?) because Julius Root doesn't like fairies any more for a reason that was never explained... and someone named Zito is involved and was somehow able to land a jet without being present, but only after filling it with his bodyguards, which would be pointless if he isn't going to be in the helicopter... but he was actually planning something the next floor down so the helicopter's entire presence is pointless... and his plan was that he wants to make the world's fastest train by cutting through the core of the planet with a laser, and also kill people with a volcano? And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Mulch Diggums and Holly Short are there, and do nothing of note before the story just stops.
I give up. I have no idea why anything is anywhere, and why anything is happening to anyone.
On another note, if I just drastically misread the plan-describing sentences, which is entirely possible, and Zito's actual end goal is to create trains that are powered by volcanic eruptions, and then run over all of his buisiness rivals with them, he may have created the most blindingly idiotic plan in the history of fanfiction.
Perhaps the trains are figurative. Geothermal powered widespread transportation will run OOC Zito's rivals out of business. That, or I'm just trying to rationalize things. Does anyone feel that this fic may have been written by an overeager young fangirl/boy who isn't remotely aware of the plot of Artemis Fowl?
I think that Giovanni Zito*'s plan is to drill into the core in order to spark volcanic eruptions that will destroy his enemies. The "train tunnel through the center of the Earth" thing is a cover story for that plan. How he plans to direct the volcanoes to his enemies, who his enemies are, and why he drills one big hole into the core instead of a bunch of little holes into the lithosphere are anyone's guess.
*In case you don't know, Zito is a famous philanthropist/environmentalist who showed up in AF canon. He was involved in an antagonist's plan to drill a hole into the fairy outpost in the Earth's core and expose it to humans, but was under fairy mind control the entire time. Once his free will was restored, he kind of dropped off the map, but one line later on mentioned that he and Artemis Fowl are on speaking terms.
Time is your Friend, Dont you believe me?[sic], by strikeIWSP, rated T. Artemis Fowl x Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.
what if Artemis knew more about the fairy's then he was supposed to, long before he actually had any plans to kidnap one. crossover,Nanoha-s. Some swearing so T just in case. on hold may continue sooner if their are comments.
Well... first of all, it's script!fic. Second, bad SPaG. Third, OOC characters all over the place. Fourth, Artemis gets a stupid Device for no reason. Bah. Also, it's beiger than sepia.
(PS: I've found this ages ago and it's already in the Unclaimed Badfic page, in case you're wondering.)
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9666932/1/ is the fixed link. Also, wow. That's bad.