This was a pretty good mission, but (at the risk of sounding like a broken record) some advance warning that you're going to post would be greatly appreciated. One look-through just isn't enough to catch every possible error, and if I know that you're planning on posting soon, I'd make sure to give it another look ASAP.

That said, this has been a good mission. Even though this mission juggled five Agents (gasp!), they did not get lost in the multitude of characters. And thanks loads for avoiding major spoilers for those of us who (like myself) only watch the anime.

As for the errors:
1) Eren Yager got there first, bit down on her tail and pulled hard enough to send her into the floor.
Unless you're implying that E.V.L. phased through the floor, that should be "onto the floor," not "into."

2) Whoa Nelly
You need a comma between these words.

3) “Ohhh. Heichou, Captain… I get it now! First time I’ve seen fangirl Japanese make a mini.”
There is a bit of punctuation missing:
"Ohhh. Heichou: 'Captain'… I get it now!"

4) Regenerate like a son of a b***h, single weak point on the back of their neck, I know these things, I’ve read the manga.
Replace that last comma with a period or a colon.

5) from the Pathfinder continuum
Italicize "Pathfinder," since it is the name of a continuum.

6) Valon shuddered. “This… could be a problem. I’m acrophobic, meaning I’m pretty much earthbound for this entire mission—if you want me to be coherent, anyway. I’m not comfortable being more than my own height away from solid ground, and 3DMG gets a lot further than that.
You forgot to close the quotes.

7) Wait… An accent over the e? How did the author do that?
I mentioned this during betaing, but apparently you missed it: There is no context to this. Where did the fic have an accented E?

8) The Sue proceeded to explain how the parade had come to be, involved a lengthy description of the event and a tale of two lovers.
I understand what you meant, but the wording is just the tiniest bit awkward. There are three possible fixes:

a) The Sue proceeded to explain how the parade had come to be, which involved a lengthy description of the event and a tale of two lovers.

b) The Sue proceeded to explain how the parade had come to be and included a lengthy description of the event and a tale of two lovers. (Note that there is NO comma.)

c) The Sue proceeded to explain how the parade had come to be, including a lengthy description of the event and a tale of two lovers.

9) Also, why the oral exchange of bodily fluids, I do not understand why mammals do that.
Please replace the comma with a semicolon or question mark.

10) I can understand how surviving a Titan attack would give you A lot more self esteem, but...
"Self-esteem" is hypenated.

11) Valon nodded in agreement, and paged the Department of Redundancy Department.
Am I missing something? Why did he page the DRD?

12) “No no, not in front of me!”
Please put a comma between the two "no"s. And this is a stylistic suggestion, but please add a third "no"; it sounds more natural to my ears: "No, no, no! Not in front of me!"


13) “No way, I’m not getting separated from Valon again.”
Please replace that comma with a semicolon.

14) “Excuse me, I am an arachnid.”
Please replace the comma with a period or a semicolon.

“Seid ihr das essen? Nein, wir sind der Jäger!”
“Are we the prey? No, we are the hunters!”
Actually, Valon said, "Are you [plural] the eating? No, we are the hunter!"

(1) essen may be a verb ("to eat") or a noun ("food"); if used as a noun, it should be capitalized like every noun in German. Thus, “Seid ihr das Essen?” would translate to "Are you the food?"

(2) Beute would be a more accurate translation of "prey". If Valon doesn’t actually mimic a dialogue, he should say "Sind wir die Beute? Nein, wir sind die Jäger! "

(3) The singular and plural forms of Jäger ("hunter"/"hunters") look similar, but der is the male singular article. With "hunters", you should use the plural article die, which incidentally looks just like the female singular article.

Also:

... otherwise you’d have at a giant wall of text ...
I think either "at" should not be there, or some other words may be missing.

"He beat the living scheiße out of Eren in the latter's court trial ... "
Since Scheiße is a German noun, it should be capitalized.

Valon expression was one of alarm.
Shouldn’t this be "Valon’s expression"?

... leave their best verdammt weapon against the Titans to die ...
If you mean "their damned best weapon", you should keep the word order: " their verdammt best weapon ".
If you mean "their best damned weapon" (assuming that being damned is an attribute of the weapon), the correct conjugation would be "their best verdammte weapon", because a generic weapons grammatical gender is female (die verdammte Waffe).

HG

Normally I hate reading missions set in a canon I don't know, but the agents did a good job of explaining exactly why the fic was so wrong for the canon. The way you split them up into two groups also helped. It added variety and stopped the mission getting too repetitive.

And now I'm off to find more about EVL, for - uh - obvious reasons.

That'll teach me to take on another project while I'm already beta-reading another mission and a multi-chapter fanfic Great to see one of those stupid Levi-targeting Sues get her just reward. (Seriously, he's not even that hot.) Having five agents interacting with each other and the badfic sounds pretty challenging; props to both of you for making it work, even if I couldn't always tell where everyone was.

Should we make a page for mini-Titans? I think we should.

Some things that I noticed:
"...along with stuff from after that period. There are cars, for example; by contrast, in this continuum, where the fastest form of transport is by Jean Kir – sorry, by horse."
This doesn't flow very well. I made a suggestion about it during production, but since you forgot to accept it, I'll repeat it here: "...along with early modern inventions like cars. AoT, on the other hand, is a pre-industrial society where the fastest method of transport is still Jean Kir--sorry, horse."

"...— if you want me to be coherent anyway. I’m not comfortable being more than my own height away from solid ground, and 3DMG gets a lot further than that.
One, either put a space before the em dash or take out the space after it. Two, a quotation mark went missing. Three, add a comma after "coherent".

"[Petra Ral, Attack on Titan canon. ...]"
Not a crossover, so remove the "Attack on Titan".

More later; I need to update my computer.

You could have mentioned me by name in the closing notes - I wouldn't mind having my contribution be acknowledged, after all. ;^)

Overall, I thought it was alright. There were a lot of characters, though, and I felt like they didn't necessarily all need to be there. The stuff about Rayner's background was interesting, but there was so much going on that I didn't feel like it got the attention it deserved.