Some thoughts by
Pippa's Ghost
on 2015-07-19 04:31:00 UTC
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I liked it, but it looks like your beta missed a few points:
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It took a moment for Michael to realize what she met — should be "meant".
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Mia was already at the console, looking at the words. — So why is it Michael who tells her the Sue is a Mermaid, not the other way round?
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That’s why I’m in the DF, where Sues come every day and I assassinate them for a living! — The DMS might have something to say anout that.
(I was also worried when you had Mia killed the Colonel like that, but then it turned out that's what I was supposed to feel all along!)