Sorry it took so long to get to this. 'S been crazy busy here.

I have to admit, I couldn't really get into this mission all that much. Part of the problem for me was the interactions between the various agents. It all felt very lackluster apart from the flirting between Valon and Kala. I thought that was all right, if a bit out of place. I had to roll my eyes at the "overreacting agent" trope again.

Also, there were quite a few gags that just sort of fell flat. The physical jokes in particular (like Valon pulling things out of his pockets) didn't work. I understand that humor is a subjective topic, but I think it can be argued that prop comedy does not necessarily translate all that well to the written medium.

A few last questions/concerns regarding the main mission:
— Was it ever explained why there was no first-person dummy and they didn't get possessed, or did I miss that part?
— Were povs as creatures first introduced in this mission? I can't find any mention of them on the wiki.
— The first mini that showed up (the sparklewolf) was never named in text, that I saw. It's advisable to always state their name in the mission itself.
— Why did they use Retcon and not a neuralyzer? Retcon is more easily undone, if I understand it correctly.

Now, on to the dragon interlude. It was charming enough, but as Tira said, it was confusing given that it wasn't explained who the kids were. Having wiki entries is fine and all, but a good story should give you all the information you need inside itself.

All in all, I'd say these stories need work. They just feel really rough to me. Other people have obviously differed, so make of my thoughts what you will.

PC

Though I (thankfully) never read Twilight, and only have a passing knowledge of Eragon thanks to the movie, the mission wasn't totally incomprehensible. This was pretty well-written.

But, of course, I've spotted a few errors.

First off, a Latin error:
Oh, and ‘carus unus’ is completely the wrong way to say ‘dear one’ or ‘my dear,’ she should probably be calling Bella ‘cara mia’.
You're off by one letter. The word for "my," declined to feminine vocative singular, is mea.
Mia is a Latin word, but it's actually a verb in the imperative singular, and I'm pretty sure that its meaning is not the concept you're looking for.

The remaining issues are in the English:
1) The disguised girtablilu set to shredding Valon’s shirt with a will,
Please explain what you're trying to say here. I don't get it.

2) Since you’re the Disentangler, and all.
This error is minor, but I'd suggest deleting the comma.

The mission was pretty good. I like the advancement of Valon and Kala's relationship, and Kozar is very funny. I didn't think Bella could be even more of a Sue, but obviously I was wrong.

I found the Ten Years Hence story to be overly confusing, personally. I'm not familiar with the majority of the characters, and the wiki isn't helping me figure out who they are.