Carrying on with the Agents'-pick-up-lines theme, here are mine.

The Fisherman:
+ "What with the whole time-travel thing, we can have an infinite number of Valentine's Days. So, fancy trying out a few of them, see which one you like best. I've heard good things about 1994..."
+ "What's all this about roses being red? Not all of them are. And surely violets would be, I dunno, violet? What's all that got to do with love anyway, is the colour of flowers relevant..."

Evie:
+ "So you think you love me? You do realise that's just a series of biological instincts that encourage continuation of your species, right? Is your species worth continuing?"
+ "I read some research which found that 'being in love can lead to disrupted thought patterns, personality changes, euphoria and in rare cases depression'. Fancy trying to replicate the results?"

These are hilarious! Quite honestly, though, I can't think of any myself. But I was thinking, sometime we should do PPC-themed insults.

I'll give this a shot. Warning: my agents are not stable people.

Elms

- "Hey, Valentine, I'll show you my Charisma bonus if you show me yours."

Jenni

- "You're number one in my appointment book, Valentine."

- "Am I psychic, Valentine? I must be, because I've been in your thoughts all day. ... No, wait, that's wrong...."

Derik

- "How far do the scars go? For you, Valentine, all the way."

- "Be my Valentine, and they'll hear our 'Music of the Night' all the way down in the DAVD."

- "What do you mean, 'is that the hammer'? Haven't you ever seen a twenty-pound sledgehammer before?"

Gall

- "I'm holding a torch for you, Valentine. And by 'holding a torch' I mean 'I just burned down that village over there with my dragon.' For you!"

- "Blah blah, some flowers and junk, blah blah blah. Wanna get wasted and do stuff we won't remember tomorrow?"

Ilraen

- <These roses are red, I am blue. This is how human courtship works, right? I have been studying, but your rituals are so complicated.>

And finally, the curmudgeon you've all been waiting for:

Nume

- "Roses are red, Thranduil is an elf. You'll get nowhere with me, so go frell yourself."

~Neshomeh, who apologizes for any mental scarring that might have taken place here.

Kindheart: As your doctor, I recommend staying away from any combination of clouds, rainbows, and pegasi. I happen to have none of those in my RC. Be my very special somepony?
Cepha: I'd make a contract for you, Valentine!


/will try and think of more later.

All do one for each of my agents, then.

Kestrel: I'd slit the throats o' yore enemies an' make bouquets wiv their bones just t'make yer smile an' laugh, Valentine!

Caleb: So the great thing about disguise generators is that now I don't have to give you the tedious I'm-a-vampire-and-my-super-strength-might-kill-you lecture. So. Bowling?

Jack: Hi! If I promise not to pounce on you and scoop out your organs, will you stop screaming and be my Valentine?

Adder: Being around you makes me less likely to lose my mind and murder everything. Hugs and kisses!

Deuce: You're actually a really beautiful person and watching gruesome badly-written rule 64 is less horrific when you're suffering with me. So I guess if you could be my Valentine, that would be nice.

Wow that last one got surprisingly sincere.

These are hilarious!

All I got right now is:
"I'd let you portal into my heart anytime."

*bows* Thank you, thank you, why yes... I am a dork! XD

Agent Barid:

"An' dose are just my tusks."

"Dey say, once ya go blue, ya neva go...um...rhymin's hard. Let's go back ta my place."

Decima:

"Wanna know why they call it the Goblet of Fire?"

"You and me? Magic."

"Interested in a little bad slash?"

"Could you help me try out a new binding spell?"

Voltarmi:

"Come back to my place and we'll get sand in places you never knew you had."

"I can see the future. We're gonna have a really good time."

"Did I mention I'm a shape-shifter?"

General PPC:

"Wanna come back to my place and annoy my partner?"

"Hey, baby. Let's go have some fun with the disguise generator."

Agent Brightbeard:

"For the last time, Agent Luxury, I have taken a vow of celibacy. Please leave me alone."

Well, okay, let's see how many corny pickup lines I can think up here. Hmm...

-Baby, you're so hot I'm surprised you don't have Sues fighting over you!

-Getting lost in HQ is nothing like getting lost in your eyes!

-You know how the parakeet on the DI's flash patch died? It took one look at you and had a heart attack!

-I feel like you know me so well - are you with the DoI?

-Baby, when you're around I don't need Bleeprin. I just look in your eyes and everything's okay.

-Baby, you shine brighter than any Sue color!

-Every time you walk by, my console goes off. I guess even it knows you're 'bad'!

-Are you from DoGA? 'Cause baby, you set my heart on fire!

-I need to call the DCPS, 'cause my heart needs protecting from you!

...So this is why I'm still single...

Here's why I will never have a girlfriend - and why I've already made peace with this fact:


I need to check in with FicPsych - I'm just so mad about you!

I found another use for glitter - raining it down like rose petals on you!

Call the DMS - you're glowing with my affection!

Not even the S.O. is as sunny as you.

I just got back from the DoI. They tell me you're a keeper.

For once, urple doesn't hurt me - because you're wearing it!

Oh, sorry, I'm in the wrong department. I didn't realize this was Star-Crossovers!

Say, did you just come back from Floaters? Because you are KILLING ME with those eyes.

Bang your head against a wall- else you'll get lost in the hallways of my mind!

So, what fandom did you come from? The BOMBSHELL fandom?

You're so hot, I'm amazed you haven't been mistaken for a sue!

Your eyes are like the corridors of HQ; I keep getting lost in them.

I can't write romantic (let alone parody!romance) stuff for squat, but here goes:

-- You're cuter than a CAF.

-- Even Luxury doesn't have anything on you.

-- Is that a bottle of Bleepka in your coat, or are you just happy to see me?

-- Drinks are on me.

Did you just come from a mission? Because baby your sparkling.

And a dumb love poem:
The Rosa runs Intel,
And the Violet talks too,
You may not be perfect,
But that's why I love you.